**Warning: If you are sensitive to topics involving rape or home invasion, like I am, you may not want to read the following. I was not hurt, do not worry, just...I realize the topic can be greatly distressing and wanted to warn that the topic is feature in the following.**
There's some important back-story that will help illuminate my frame of mind yesterday morning, and why the events that occurred were so distressing. I mostly find it amusing now, but there were a few moments of intense worry there.
The back-story can be summed up succinctly in the following 3 sentences: In the past, I have had recurrent, violent, realistic-feeling nightmares of rape. I have sought therapy for this, and it has been very helpful. Today I am mostly nightmare free, but every now and then something can happen that just really doesn't sit well for me.
An example of something happening: sometimes it's just watching Family Guy and they have an episode that is chock full of rape jokes. Seriously? Who thinks rape jokes are funny? Why is that something to laugh about and mock? It really disturbs me. Usually I just find those disturbing and either change the channel or leave the room if there are others watching who oppose changing the channel.
There have been 2 times where I've had a stronger reaction. Both have been to movies. One was years ago and actually prompted me to seek counseling - it was watching The History of Violence...when he's about to rape his wife. I was watching with Mr. Random, before we were married, and felt like a true Banshee. I stood up and screamed a crazy howl, and bolted out of there. I ran faster than I'd ever run before and ran until I couldn't breath. My husband's a fast runner, and by the time he got to the door couldn't see which way I'd gone. I can't even explain why I reacted that way or what I was thinking. I don't feel like I was thinking. Anyway, so I got counseling after that.
The second time, was yesterday. Watching Law Abiding Citizen. Similar scenario, there's a home invasion, and they're about to rape the wife. I honestly couldn't take it. It wasn't as strong a reaction as the first time, but I still felt the need to scream and run. Which I did, but I didn't run as fast or hard b/c of the whole I'm pregnant thing. No need to deprive Junior of blood now.
WHY do they feel like graphically playing out rape scenes in movies? I guess you need to know that happened to understand the husband's desire for justice and then revenge...but really? Maybe it's not any different than graphically showing someone killed...but for some reason, for me, it is.
So, Mr. Random feels really bad...he picked the movie...he didn't realize that it'd have that in it. The problem is, I won't be able to get it out of my head for a few days to a week. Which is where I found myself Sunday morning. In bed, sleeping in with Mr. Random, and playing the scene over in my head. But. Whereas I used to just torture myself replaying the scene until I felt crazy, counseling has helped me replay the scene and then change it. I took RAD classes (self-defense designed for women) and that helps too. So I find myself in bed, replaying the scene, but breaking it down to all the RAD moves they could have used to fight their attackers, despite being bound at the wrists and ankles. Trying to think of all the ways they could have avoided the attack, or at least the rape part. I honestly would rather they just killed me than suffer that. With that mind-set it becomes a lot easier to try various things to prevent the attack...I mean, if you care if they kill you that limits your options a bit.
So, as I'm going over it, and over it in my mind, we hear a high pitched whine sound. I ask Mr. Random what it is...I think it's our alarm, but don't want to sound too paranoid. The sound continues...I jump up and look outside to see two vehicles blocking our driveway. I open the bedroom door, and sure enough, our home alarm is going off. Someone has tried to enter our house and they have set off the alarm! You have to be f***ing kidding me.
Now, you know that our house is for sale...so I'm trying to be rational and consider that a realtor might have been an idiot and not called first...and they're the ones that set off the alarm. Mr. Random answers the phone call from our monitoring company and is asking me for the password. I don't want to give it until we clear the downstairs and know that there's not someone waiting with a bat to kill, or worse, to us. So he goes down, and I follow, because I'm not going to let some asshole beat him up while I wait upstairs. We find no one in the house.
There's also no one in the cars blocking our driveway. Did I mention, during all of this, that I'm blind because I have no idea where my glasses are and I don't have contacts in? That's fun. So I quickly put in my contacts, put on a bra and a sweater, and then go back out to our loft where Mr. Random is watching people get into the cars and telling the monitoring company we don't need the police.
I marched downstairs and out in my pajamas and socks and confronted the occupants of one car. It was an older woman, and 2 kids, but I was ready to fight them if they showed any sign of aggression, that's how on edge I was. I asked if they had tried to enter our house. They laughed and said, yes, the realtor had gotten the wrong number. They found the house they wanted though - just down the street.
At first, I was pissed that they'd set off our alarm and then ran away without explaining themselves. After my head cleared a bit I realized that was the smartest thing for them to do. This IS the southwest. Many people own guns. And since you invaded the home without the owners knowledge or permission, key from the lockbox or not, I think the homeowner would be legally in their right to shoot first and ask questions later. Luckily, we don't own a gun.
I sincerely hope that does not happen again. It probably won't, as it looks like we're moving...more on that tomorrow.