Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Different, but the same?

I've a cousin who is due with her first baby soon. She's 21 years old, and a fairly young and naive 21 in my opinion. It seems some people can be 21 and very mature, while others are 21 but still not very mature...anyway, the point is, she's having a baby. And I am having judgement. Again. Much as I try to learn to live without judgement it keeps popping up!

You see, I am just of the firm opinion that she is not at all prepared for what it truly means to be a parent. For the responsibilities instead of just playing house. And then I consider that shell probably wind up with an "easy" baby. And it just doesn't seem fair. My own mother had 5 babies and upon coming to help with Wiggles acknowledged that he was not, in any way, "easy."

But then I ponder further and wonder....while she may well end up with an "easy" baby that actually sleeps with little if any intervention on her part...might she not wind up feeling equally challenged? I mean, if I'm going to act all superior and say that I was more prepared to parent...and then consequently had a less "easy" baby ( I don't want to label him difficult...that sounds sad) well...maybe that means it evens out somehow? I'm grasping for words here, but basically, I'm saying that while in absolute terms, my baby was more of a challenge than this hypothetical "easy" baby I expect my cousin to have...in relative terms she may be as challenged with this baby as I was with mine? So...in the end, we're all facing equal challenges...that just appear different because of our different skills, strengths, and experiences?

Family Reunions

Did I blog about the last time I tried to plan a family reunion? It was roughly 2 years ago...right before we found out we were expecting little Wiggles. At the time, it had been a year since all of my side of the family had been together - and the last time we'd all seen each other at once had been for Grandpa's funeral. Not wanting such unhappy occasions to be the only time we all gathered, I thought maybe we should plan a purposeful reunion.

Hah! The misery this brought onto myself!  Mr. Random told me I was on a fool's errand, and he was correct. No one could agree on a location for the event. My family was spread across 4 states at the time, and while I suggested a few relatively central and scenic locations (actually, we were going to have to travel the furthest of anyone) there was no consensus. Everyone wanted it to be held in their hometown. Ugh! Seriously?

And the trend continues.  Sporadically, cousins email me asking when we're going to have our family reunion. At this rate? Never. Because every time I suggest something, someone has a problem with it and consequently, won't come.

What is even the point then? You guys say you want a family reunion...but only if we all show up at your door? Only if it doesn't cost you anything to do it?


It's impossible when 80% of the family all share this attitude.

And it's a little heart breaking.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Mildly Irritated

I love my husband, I do, but sometimes...I just...get annoyed. For instance, I recently purchased some clothes for little Wiggles. Size 18 months and 2T. Now, I grant you, I do have a problem - a bad habit, if you will - of buying baby clothes. I love to shop the clearance racks and pick out amazing finds for $2. Sometimes they're a bit more spendy but I'm always looking for that $2 deal. As such, most of Wiggles' bottom dresser drawer is full of clothes that were bought on clearance. Ranging from 18 mos to 3T in size. Because, it makes sense to me, to buy ahead on clearance and save in the long run, as long as we have the room in that bottom drawer.

Mr. Random...doesn't get it quite so much. And gets frustrated that I'm buying so many clothes Wiggles doesn't "need". And it occurred to me this morning as we were trying to determine if my latest purchase was "needed" that Mr. Random still doesn't quite understand baby clothes sizing. Yes, these latest purchases are size "18 mos". No, that does not mean we have to wait until the little guy is 18 mos for him to wear them!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Shoulda Woulda Coulda

I have a bad habit. Mr. Random has pointed it out to me many times and he doesn't understand why I engage in it. Truthfully, I don't know if I fully understand either. I worry a lot about the "could have beens". When I see something so clearly after the fact (hindsight being 20/20 and all) I obsess about how things could have been different. And how much better they would be if I had done that one thing differently. Or chosen the other option. Etc. Etc.

For instance, when we lost the house. I can't tell you the hours I spent agonizing over how we should never have bought it in the first place. Or how we should have bought a smaller house. Or one closer to town. Or how I should have gotten a real job and kept it instead of going back for my Ph.D. Or. Or. Or.

Or now, when we have 2 Honda Civics, one with some damage in need of repair. Both very fuel efficient, but on the smaller side for our now 3 person family. That new little person comes with a LOT of gear! Right now, I would love love love to have a small SUV. I've got my eye on Honda CR-V's and Hyundai Tucsons and even Subaru Outbacks or Foresters. And the regret comes in to remembering 2 years ago when we bought the second Civic. It made sense at the time - we were both driving 40+ miles a day (Mr. Random was driving more like 70) and fuel efficiency and reliability was the name of the game.  But now - a short two years later I would much rather have a small SUV instead of the new Civic. We could have bought a used SUV and gotten a lot of use out of it already! We like camping off-road and that's how the one Civic got the damage the currently needs to be repaired. Civics just aren't really built for forest roads.

So now I obsess. We could have bought an SUV instead of the second Civic. And now I'd even use the words should have. But we couldn't have known it at the time. We weren't even pregnant. We weren't really planning on it either. We had started to realize we'd probably be losing the house - but it was still a probably, and in the meantime, we had our long commutes.

So here we are. With two very good little cars, that serve us just fine, but I still find myself obsessing about what could have and worse maybe should have been.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

The Cusp

The student in my previous post has earned an 89.9%. 89.925 if you want more digits. In my syllabus I state 80-89.9% is a "B". 90% and up is an "A". So...he got a B...I start to worry I'm actually going to cause him to lose a scholarship but then I remember that I'm not doing anything to him. Looking qt his grades I'd guess he slacked the first part of class because his grades are significantly better for the last few assignments....that's not my fault. But I still feel kinda bad...

Friday, August 5, 2011

Annoying Student

I'm feeling really frustrated! I have a student who keeps emailing me because he doesn't want to "loose" his scholarship and just figured out he "just needs a few more points" and he'll do "ANYTHING." He thinks he put in enough "effort" that he should have earned more points on the extra credit assignment, and now wants to know if an 89.99 is an A or a B - apparently the "A" is required to keep this "scholarship."


Just leave me alone!  The due date for the last of the work for the class (it's online) is tonight in about 1.5 hours. I don't do grading as things are turned in - I grade en masse after due dates so that everything is done in one sitting, one frame of mind, and consequently, as fair as I can make it.

Now all I want to do is look at this kid's stuff and figure out how HE's already figured out his final grade when I haven't even finished grading.

And I hate it when people try to pass things off onto me. As if it's MY fault he's going to "loose" his scholarship. Honestly, based on the work I've seen from him - I doubt he has a scholarship, and if he does and it requires a certain level of academic competency...well...he doesn't have it. And that is not my fault.

About this Blog

I have a journal. You know, the real kind...paper, bound in a book form...nice leather cover. And I do write in it...every few months. I like it, but somehow I find it hard to keep up regularly. I'm at a computer nearly all the time, so I find it easier to keep up on this blog. So, that's what this blog is for. To help me journal when I'm away from my journal. A place to collect my thoughts before I lose them to the chaos of my mind.

Or see my first post here. That's why I started this blog.