Thursday, January 28, 2010


I'm doing a lot better. *deep sigh of relief* Which is good, because that level of stress was surely not good for me or the baby that's trying so hard to grow and live. I have small fears that the stress was bad enough to cause a miscarriage and I just don't know it yet, but I'm trying to push that out of my mind. Because that surely won't help things.

So, basically, I called my parents and talked with both of them and my mom had a lot of ideas actually. And was very sympathetic. And...just such a good Mom. :) And from her suggestions we now have a plan. And that's all I really need to relax. A feasible plan. Yes, if we have to deviate from said plan, it'll likely stress me out, but until such a time, I can rest easier. And that's what I need right now.

What is this magical plan? Well, Mr. Random will still be trying to get more gainful employment. He's found a few opportunities he'll apply for this weekend, but one of them he thinks he has a pretty good shot at since he knows someone there, AND he's even excited about the job. So, that'd be ideal situation #1. He gets that job, it pays as much as we make combined now, and then I can, in fact, take Fall semester off. Cool. However, if he does not find more gainful employment, that is OK. I will take 6 online credits (2 classes) which makes me full time and thus I can take out student loans. And I will fund myself for the Fall. With debt. (but hey, beats cashiering) and stick my tongue out at my advisor as I do it, and do it well. :)

I told Mr. Random that I wanted to take classes regardless of his employment situation, mainly just to spite my department, but he said he'd prefer I take the semester off as he'd prefer our little olive spent as little time in care as possible. Awwwww. :) (it's the size of an olive this week) For the sake of the olive, I will give up my spite. Or, find a new outlet...

Advisor emailed me today to ask how things went with Director and what I'd found out. Ummm...I ran into you talking with him, you KNOW how it went, but I played along and told her that I was leaning toward a 3rd option that hadn't been discussed (the Plan as outlined above). She responded right away that I should not over-commit myself and that I "need and deserve" this time off. Uh huh...thanks for the vote of confidence. Thank you. What part of, it doesn't matter we couldn't afford it, do you not understand? She wants me to keep her posted. Thanks so much for your concern...

Honestly, one of the things that was upsetting me the most yesterday (besides the hormones that resulted in tears at least 3 separate times) was that she says she's supportive, but when it comes to anteing up and doing anything to help me out, she refuses. If she'd pay me an RA it'd solve a lot of the issues, as long as she was cool with paying my "6 weeks for nothing" maternity leave. She's not. That's not at all supportive. And when I present her with what WE feel is the best option for us, she's very negative and full of dire predictions of my impending "uselessness".

Oh well, I'm not going to take any more energy to dwell. Now that I've vented here, I'm ready to move on, do what's right for MY family, whatever option that winds up being, and if she continues to be full of dire warnings, I may just stick out my tongue and say Watch Me. Watch me prove you wrong. I'm nothing if not ornery and obstinate.

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About this Blog

I have a journal. You know, the real kind...paper, bound in a book form...nice leather cover. And I do write in it...every few months. I like it, but somehow I find it hard to keep up regularly. I'm at a computer nearly all the time, so I find it easier to keep up on this blog. So, that's what this blog is for. To help me journal when I'm away from my journal. A place to collect my thoughts before I lose them to the chaos of my mind.

Or see my first post here. That's why I started this blog.