I met with our director. He's very nice. But apparently agrees with my advisor that I just "won't be able" to handle having a baby and going to school. Both of them think that I will be "useless" for at least a year. Nice. Further, while I showed him the policy regarding my 6 weeks leave, he says he has no way to pay for it. The only way would be if I had an RA, not a TA, and the person paying my RA didn't mind that I wasn't going to do work for 6 of the 15 weeks of the semester. Well, my advisor minds (she'd be the one paying for the RA). So...that seems to be that. He did say not to worry, we'd work it out. But I'm worrying. They really don't seem to understand that I CANNOT AFFORD to bring in no income for 5 months. Seriously, who can these days? My advisor knows we're short selling our house due to financial problems. What makes her think that somehow now we have a baby on the way miraculously we can afford to go without HALF our income? I just don't get it. And I'm so frustrated.
Director said he'd talk to Advisor and that I should find out about health insurance, because that was my other big issue. Well, health insurance we're pretty nice folk. If I sign up for 1 credit for continuing enrollment (thus taking the semester off option) then I can purchase my health insurance for the semester. So that's cool. If we can pay for it.
Later I ran into Director and Advisor chatting in the hall. I was a ways down but had a feeling I was the subject of the conversation. I was correct. They both re-emphasized how much they think the best option is for me to take the semester off. Because it's going to be so hard and I'm not going to be able to do anything. FINE. I GET IT. I know you don't think I do, and I know I'm naive and haven't been there yet, but what the frick people? I'm going to have to learn to balance it sooner or later. That's part of the gig. And at this point, unless Mr. Random gets a better job (and let's face it, 11% unemployment MEANS it's not easy, thanks for being sympathetic) then I see 2 options. 1: I continue as a full time student and they figure out some damn way to give me my 6 weeks, OR 2. would be, that I take the semester off, and then WORK AS A CASHIER somewhere. Or some other temp job. And try to afford care for the baby that way. It's just dumb. And they're all, well, if you were a student you'd have to get care to be able to get work done. Um. YEAH. And I could afford it b/c I could take out student loans!
May I say, that I LOVE that they're being so helpful. I love that they're putting all this pressure on me in my "delicate condition". I love that they think so little of my abilities.
Honestly, it seems to me, that they're pushing so hard for me to take the semester off, because then they don't have to figure out how to give me my 6 weeks.
I know this is supposed to be an exciting and happy time. I wish it was. I can't honestly think about the baby at all. I'm so stuck worrying about the logistics. I'm not one of those people that can sit back and assume it will "all work out". I know it will, but I feel like I have to WORK to make it happen. Which is what I'm trying to do right now.
But then I worry that all this stress isn't healthy, and I know it isn't. So what the f*** am I supposed to do? I have no advocates here. I guess we just need Mr. Random to get a better paying job...he'd be happier that way too. But I almost think that's too easy on THEM, my department. They'd be all pleased as punch that THEIR advice, THEIR solution is the one I take and that they don't have to work out my maternity leave. I almost feel like sticking it out just to stick it to them. Regardless of what happens with Mr. Random's job. Oh yeah, I'm full of The Spite right now.