Thursday, June 17, 2010

Tough Decisions of Another Kind

I promised, or alluded to anyway, a post on anonymous gamete donation. Like eggs or sperm.

It's a tricky subject. It's one I have indirect experience with. My cousin was conceived with donor sperm, and raised by a single choice I suppose. I always assumed she wanted to be married but never found anyone. But maybe she chose that lifestyle, I'm not sure. It wasn't puzzling when I was younger, why Cousin didn't have a was just the way things were. But as we got older it started to seem a little stranger.

The biggest issue, actually, is that Cousin was raised by a woman who has a strong tendency toward man-hating. She now also has this tendency. And, further complicating matters...Cousin and her mom have a weird, totally co-dependent relationship. It really seems to me that Aunt has put Cousin in the place of life-partner. And it's not at all fair to Cousin.

Now, Cousin, who is roughly my age...nearing 30...and feeling that biological clock tick, is interested in procreating. However. She's never dated. At all. And with her unusual relationship with her mother, and the fact she's not willing to compromise any of her habits or's unlikely she'll find a partner any time soon. So she, last I heard, is seriously contemplating/planning sperm donation herself.

It's tricky, though, to decide if this is "right" or "smart" or "good". And maybe that's because it's not up to us to decide. One of my siblings thinks it's blatantly wrong, and said that while glad to have Cousin in our's not a "natural" way to go about child-making. I find myself at least somewhat in agreement. But I've a friend who will just adamantly argue that everyone has the right to have a child. And...well...I guess I have a harder time getting behind that. Everyone? Truly? Even people who will abuse that child? But how do you regulate that?

You can't.

So what about people who would make good parents, or a good parent...but face infertility, or just never find a partner. What then? Sperm and egg donation allow them to have a kid, responsibly. They could, theoretically, just go out and get knocked up to the same effect. (If they're women, that is)

So basically, I don't know the answer. It seems tricky - because you can have genetic half-siblings out there who meet and fall in love unaware of their genetic situation. theoretically. It doesn't seem altogether likely, but it's certainly possible. So that's a complication. And then it lends itself easily to the situation Cousin is in. Is that a fair thing to do to Cousin? I don't think so.

Anyway, I have no idea what the answer is. I just wanted to ponder over it "outloud" because of something I read the other day. Happy to hear others' thoughts on the matter.

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About this Blog

I have a journal. You know, the real kind...paper, bound in a book form...nice leather cover. And I do write in it...every few months. I like it, but somehow I find it hard to keep up regularly. I'm at a computer nearly all the time, so I find it easier to keep up on this blog. So, that's what this blog is for. To help me journal when I'm away from my journal. A place to collect my thoughts before I lose them to the chaos of my mind.

Or see my first post here. That's why I started this blog.