First - thanks for the comment EcoGeoFemme! I have actually read that book and enjoyed the perspective it provided. I read it about a year ago. I asked the husband to do the same. He just started reading it at the beginning of the summer. And has not finished it in lieu of other, more interesting, reading. He also says he just doesn't agree with a lot of the things the book says.
So what do I mean by "trapped in a loveless marriage"? Well, I feel trapped on account of our son. And I don't mean that I have to stay in this marriage come hell or high water. I feel that, because of him, we both have a very serious obligation to try to make our marriage work. Which means making it a happy, healthy, and productive relationship. In its current form, it is not.
Which is the loveless part. I just don't feel cared for at all. I feel like I take the time to get lunch ready for everyone (we're doing family meals as much as possible in keeping with this book), while the husband reads his book. Or something similar. Basically, it feels like I do chores or meal planning or various things to keep our household running while he goes to the gym, reads his book, works on his stuff. And then treats the meal planning as "my free time" or somehow like I did that because I enjoyed it? I don't. I seldom get to do things I enjoy because I spend all my free time doing chores.
The irony is. I'm pretty sure he feels much the same way. About a month ago he said as much and I completely agreed and felt like I was such a slacker. But looking around lately...I'm not a slacker. I just don't do the big-item things HE cares about. Like taking out the trash/recycling. I hate it. It's heavy. It's hard for me. The recycling is far away. So it's true. I don't do those chores. But if we look around a little...we'll see I still do quite a lot.
These are things I need to say to him. We need to be able to have an adult conversation about it, but I don't honestly know where to start. Every time I've tried recently to bring up something like this I'm met with very defensive behavior that immediately responds with how HE's hurt. How HE's frustrated. Which is so, so not productive. Whenever he brings up his issues I wait to air mine. Because otherwise it turns into a battle. But this means I generally don't get to air my issues, and when I do, it turns into an argument about his issues again.
Thus. The need for counseling.