So I'm now pretty obviously pregnant. Some shirts make it more obvious than others, but it's pretty clear. And upon observing my condition, many people ask this question: "are you excited?"
And it annoys the hell out of me.
Because I feel compelled and obligated to say YES! Oh yes I am! Couldn't be more thrilled. The trouble is, most days, I do not feel excited. I feel moments of excitement. And moments of total terror. I'd say the more common, overwhelming feeling is disbelief. I mean...I know, theoretically, that pregnancy can and must happen pretty regularly for us to be 6 billion strong and growing...but...it's like part of me never really grasped that yes, it would and could, and is happening to me. But rather than being excited all the time, I worry constantly over the complications this development will cause. Instead of daydreaming misty eyed in excitement.
And that makes me feel guilty. Like, somehow, I'm doing this baby an injustice. It's not at all that I don't want the baby...it's that I feel unprepared! Unnerved! And underqualified.
And everytime someone asked me "are you excited?" it brings up those feelings....and how they seem so out of line what what I "should" be feeling. :-/