And moving on

Pity party (see previous post) is over. Well, mostly. I'm trying to focus on the positive (a [mostly] healthy and super-sweet little son). :)

I just have one more parting thought (for now) on pregnancy and childbirth. From my soapbox. It's this: I really, personally, respect the process of pregnancy and the process of childbirth. I think about all the many factors that can go wrong. And I just am in awe of all the things that do go right. It's truly, truly amazing. I don't know if respect is even the right word for how I feel about these processes. And while my last labor was drug-free, I have no idea how my next will go. I am fully aware that any number of things can be, will be, different and consequently, my next pregnancy and labor will be different. And I'm okay with that. A little nervous and a lot excited to see how it all unfolds.

And this is what bugs me about some people in my family and of my acquaintance who are currently pregnant or trying to be (and freely sharing their thoughts on the matter). Not everyone, for sure, but a lot of these individuals seem to have absolutely no respect or awe or even concern for pregnancy and childbirth as processes. It seems they view them more as unfortunate but necessary hurdles they must jump to "join the club" of mommyhood. And it just irks me.

Different, but not the same

A friend of mine recently had a baby boy. She had a long and arduous labor ultimately resulting in a c-section, but since that things have been smooth sailing. Her baby sleeps. A lot. She just sets and alarm every 2-3 hours at night. Wakes up, gets the little man up, feeds him, and then they all go back to sleep. And sleep they all do. And the sweet young one doesn't even wake up crying.

Now, she knows that this could all change. And maybe he's still exhausted from their difficult labor. But come on!

Please don't misunderstand, I'm super happy for my friend. I'm glad she's got such an easy going fella who SLEEPS. But for myself, I'm throwing a self-centered totally unreasonable pity party. The utter exhaustion I experienced for the first 4 months of my son's life is still quite fresh in my mind.

I've been reassured by many who witnessed the events first hand that it was not my fault. That the sleep issues were just reflux related or the way my boy is. But I start to wonder. And I start to feel inadequate. Or at least cheated somehow.

Different, but the same?

I've a cousin who is due with her first baby soon. She's 21 years old, and a fairly young and naive 21 in my opinion. It seems some people can be 21 and very mature, while others are 21 but still not very mature...anyway, the point is, she's having a baby. And I am having judgement. Again. Much as I try to learn to live without judgement it keeps popping up!

You see, I am just of the firm opinion that she is not at all prepared for what it truly means to be a parent. For the responsibilities instead of just playing house. And then I consider that shell probably wind up with an "easy" baby. And it just doesn't seem fair. My own mother had 5 babies and upon coming to help with Wiggles acknowledged that he was not, in any way, "easy."

But then I ponder further and wonder....while she may well end up with an "easy" baby that actually sleeps with little if any intervention on her part...might she not wind up feeling equally challenged? I mean, if I'm going to act all superior and say that I was more prepared to parent...and then consequently had a less "easy" baby ( I don't want to label him difficult...that sounds sad) well...maybe that means it evens out somehow? I'm grasping for words here, but basically, I'm saying that while in absolute terms, my baby was more of a challenge than this hypothetical "easy" baby I expect my cousin to have...in relative terms she may be as challenged with this baby as I was with mine? So...in the end, we're all facing equal challenges...that just appear different because of our different skills, strengths, and experiences?

Family Reunions

Did I blog about the last time I tried to plan a family reunion? It was roughly 2 years ago...right before we found out we were expecting little Wiggles. At the time, it had been a year since all of my side of the family had been together - and the last time we'd all seen each other at once had been for Grandpa's funeral. Not wanting such unhappy occasions to be the only time we all gathered, I thought maybe we should plan a purposeful reunion.

Hah! The misery this brought onto myself!  Mr. Random told me I was on a fool's errand, and he was correct. No one could agree on a location for the event. My family was spread across 4 states at the time, and while I suggested a few relatively central and scenic locations (actually, we were going to have to travel the furthest of anyone) there was no consensus. Everyone wanted it to be held in their hometown. Ugh! Seriously?

And the trend continues.  Sporadically, cousins email me asking when we're going to have our family reunion. At this rate? Never. Because every time I suggest something, someone has a problem with it and consequently, won't come.

What is even the point then? You guys say you want a family reunion...but only if we all show up at your door? Only if it doesn't cost you anything to do it?

Sigh.

It's impossible when 80% of the family all share this attitude.

And it's a little heart breaking.

Mildly Irritated

I love my husband, I do, but sometimes...I just...get annoyed. For instance, I recently purchased some clothes for little Wiggles. Size 18 months and 2T. Now, I grant you, I do have a problem - a bad habit, if you will - of buying baby clothes. I love to shop the clearance racks and pick out amazing finds for $2. Sometimes they're a bit more spendy but I'm always looking for that $2 deal. As such, most of Wiggles' bottom dresser drawer is full of clothes that were bought on clearance. Ranging from 18 mos to 3T in size. Because, it makes sense to me, to buy ahead on clearance and save in the long run, as long as we have the room in that bottom drawer.

Mr. Random...doesn't get it quite so much. And gets frustrated that I'm buying so many clothes Wiggles doesn't "need". And it occurred to me this morning as we were trying to determine if my latest purchase was "needed" that Mr. Random still doesn't quite understand baby clothes sizing. Yes, these latest purchases are size "18 mos". No, that does not mean we have to wait until the little guy is 18 mos for him to wear them!

Shoulda Woulda Coulda

I have a bad habit. Mr. Random has pointed it out to me many times and he doesn't understand why I engage in it. Truthfully, I don't know if I fully understand either. I worry a lot about the "could have beens". When I see something so clearly after the fact (hindsight being 20/20 and all) I obsess about how things could have been different. And how much better they would be if I had done that one thing differently. Or chosen the other option. Etc. Etc.

For instance, when we lost the house. I can't tell you the hours I spent agonizing over how we should never have bought it in the first place. Or how we should have bought a smaller house. Or one closer to town. Or how I should have gotten a real job and kept it instead of going back for my Ph.D. Or. Or. Or.

Or now, when we have 2 Honda Civics, one with some damage in need of repair. Both very fuel efficient, but on the smaller side for our now 3 person family. That new little person comes with a LOT of gear! Right now, I would love love love to have a small SUV. I've got my eye on Honda CR-V's and Hyundai Tucsons and even Subaru Outbacks or Foresters. And the regret comes in to remembering 2 years ago when we bought the second Civic. It made sense at the time - we were both driving 40+ miles a day (Mr. Random was driving more like 70) and fuel efficiency and reliability was the name of the game.  But now - a short two years later I would much rather have a small SUV instead of the new Civic. We could have bought a used SUV and gotten a lot of use out of it already! We like camping off-road and that's how the one Civic got the damage the currently needs to be repaired. Civics just aren't really built for forest roads.

So now I obsess. We could have bought an SUV instead of the second Civic. And now I'd even use the words should have. But we couldn't have known it at the time. We weren't even pregnant. We weren't really planning on it either. We had started to realize we'd probably be losing the house - but it was still a probably, and in the meantime, we had our long commutes.

So here we are. With two very good little cars, that serve us just fine, but I still find myself obsessing about what could have and worse maybe should have been.

The Cusp

The student in my previous post has earned an 89.9%. 89.925 if you want more digits. In my syllabus I state 80-89.9% is a "B". 90% and up is an "A". So...he got a B...I start to worry I'm actually going to cause him to lose a scholarship but then I remember that I'm not doing anything to him. Looking qt his grades I'd guess he slacked the first part of class because his grades are significantly better for the last few assignments....that's not my fault. But I still feel kinda bad...