Today was Wiggles' first day of daycare. He did great! I've got a cute slip of paper that tells me he made friends, caught bubbles, colored with crayons, looked at books and sang songs. Busy day! He ate half of his lunch and slept for an hour for nap! (we didn't think he'd sleep at all...) And when I came in to pick him up he looked happy to see me - but didn't run over or anything. And as we walked past the playground to leave he wanted down to go play.
So I think he liked it.
I, on the other hand, was a wreck all day. I didn't cry until I left the building - but then I cried the rest of my drive. And when I got to my office. A few times after that. Sigh.
And now we do it all again tomorrow. And I don't know why I feel so down about it when he clearly had a good time.
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Showing posts with label children. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Thoughts on Daycare
Do you want to know the real reason I don't blog on this blog more often? I mean, sure, there's the fact that both Mr. Random and I are insanely busy juggling school, teaching, and a wiggly little boy, but more critically...it's because I blog this blog semi-anonymously with a different gmail sign in from my regular one. And yes, they have this fancy new multiple sign-on thing...but I can't seem to get it to work for the blog sign in, and quite frankly, I can't be bothered most days to sign out of my regular email, sign into this email, and then blog. How lame is that? It might take 60 seconds, but it's just...impossible for some reason. So then, I do as I am doing right now, and open a different browser and sign in as Banshee and then blog. Because...that seems easier? It does I guess. But this browser crashes all the time, which is annoying as hell, and the result is that I don't do it very often.
Which ultimately, is why this blog isn't updated more often. I've written so many posts in my head it's annoying also to realize I can't remember them when I sit down to write them.
So. There we are.
But! It's 2012. A fresh and shiny new year, that promises at least some changes for the Banshee Family. First, Mr. Wiggles, my sweet little son, is starting daycare next week. I'm so torn. It's full time care, and I'm pretty sure it's the best option we have. He's on the waiting list for The Best option, but...as we need care now, we'll have to go for the 2nd Best, or the Best Option We Have. I feel like it could go great, or awful, and recognize it might just muddle along somewhere in between but mostly focus on the extremes. On the one hand, Wiggles is a very sociable little creature and may well love the interaction with other people his age/size as well as the teachers. Also, presumably, they will teach him more than we ever could as they are trained to do such things. On the other hand, Mr. Wiggles is a rather persnickety little sleeper and thus far, has never slept anywhere other than his carseat or his bed. And by some miracle, these people expect him to sleep on a thin little sleep-mat for nap time. With other kids in the same room. I'm very curious to see how that turns out. Any time we've tried to nap with him in the same room as us (traveling for instance) he basically throws a hissy fit the whole time. We have to let him fall asleep without being able to see us, then sneak in to lie down ourselves. So. There's that.
And then I just...worry. I mean. These are strangers, we will be trusting with our son, for most of his waking hours. And I feel sad. And scared they won't take as good care of him. That he might get hurt emotionally or physically, and that it might be permanently scarring. That he might feel like we've abandoned him on those first days, and that breaks my heart.
But then I remember that countless other children have gone through daycare, presumably unscathed. Many of them far better adjusted than I ever was as a kid (I never went to daycare). And I remember that he's nothing if not resilient, my little son.
And I hope. I cling to hope that this is truly the right best thing for our little family.
And I wouldn't be completely honest if I didn't add that (a small) part of me is also looking forward to 37.5 hours of kid-free time per week. I already daydream of a schedule where I drop him off at daycare and Mon-Thurs go in to school and get my work done. And then...if it's all reasonably done by Thursday, I could take Friday to clean at home. Or craft. Or do things I haven't been able to do in about 1.5 years because I've had a kidlet hanging around. And then I could go and pick him up a little early after his nap and we'll have a lovely weekend together. It could be really good. But I think that might also be really daydream-y.
And boy am I going to miss the little Wiggler during the day.
Which ultimately, is why this blog isn't updated more often. I've written so many posts in my head it's annoying also to realize I can't remember them when I sit down to write them.
So. There we are.
But! It's 2012. A fresh and shiny new year, that promises at least some changes for the Banshee Family. First, Mr. Wiggles, my sweet little son, is starting daycare next week. I'm so torn. It's full time care, and I'm pretty sure it's the best option we have. He's on the waiting list for The Best option, but...as we need care now, we'll have to go for the 2nd Best, or the Best Option We Have. I feel like it could go great, or awful, and recognize it might just muddle along somewhere in between but mostly focus on the extremes. On the one hand, Wiggles is a very sociable little creature and may well love the interaction with other people his age/size as well as the teachers. Also, presumably, they will teach him more than we ever could as they are trained to do such things. On the other hand, Mr. Wiggles is a rather persnickety little sleeper and thus far, has never slept anywhere other than his carseat or his bed. And by some miracle, these people expect him to sleep on a thin little sleep-mat for nap time. With other kids in the same room. I'm very curious to see how that turns out. Any time we've tried to nap with him in the same room as us (traveling for instance) he basically throws a hissy fit the whole time. We have to let him fall asleep without being able to see us, then sneak in to lie down ourselves. So. There's that.
And then I just...worry. I mean. These are strangers, we will be trusting with our son, for most of his waking hours. And I feel sad. And scared they won't take as good care of him. That he might get hurt emotionally or physically, and that it might be permanently scarring. That he might feel like we've abandoned him on those first days, and that breaks my heart.
But then I remember that countless other children have gone through daycare, presumably unscathed. Many of them far better adjusted than I ever was as a kid (I never went to daycare). And I remember that he's nothing if not resilient, my little son.
And I hope. I cling to hope that this is truly the right best thing for our little family.
And I wouldn't be completely honest if I didn't add that (a small) part of me is also looking forward to 37.5 hours of kid-free time per week. I already daydream of a schedule where I drop him off at daycare and Mon-Thurs go in to school and get my work done. And then...if it's all reasonably done by Thursday, I could take Friday to clean at home. Or craft. Or do things I haven't been able to do in about 1.5 years because I've had a kidlet hanging around. And then I could go and pick him up a little early after his nap and we'll have a lovely weekend together. It could be really good. But I think that might also be really daydream-y.
And boy am I going to miss the little Wiggler during the day.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Disparate Thoughts
I've composed several blog posts in my head these past weeks - doesn't do much good for actually getting them up here though!
So a list, or random disparate thoughts:
1. I need daycare. For my son. Pronto. He's on the waiting list at my first choice, but it doesn't look likely he'll get in by the time we need care. I have one more place to tour that's near campus...then I'll be looking at places near where we live, which lead into...
2. Where shall we live? We'll have to decide in January if we want to renew our lease or not. It looks like rent (which went waaaay up in the summer) has fallen back down to be inline with what we currently pay. We've basically said that if we can find a house to rent for the same price as our apartment rent, we'd prefer to move and live in the house. The trouble is...we for sure can't find a house in our current neighborhood at this price. And we really like our neighborhood. So...we'd have to move to a new neighborhood, and I'm not sure which one, and that makes the "looking at daycares near where we live" rather complicated.
3. I've taken up running. I really enjoy it. I feel happy when I run. It's so nice to start the day off feeling happy for half an hour!
4. We're traveling back to the PNW for Christmas. I am part excited, part happy, part anxious. The traveling part is always anxiety inducing. I'm sure it'll be great.
5. This semester is trying to kill me at the end. Work upon work keeps piling up with deadlines all aligned. It's just mean.
6. My dissertation has really come together in the past month or so. It's nice to have that clarity and, bonus, I like my project.
7. This maybe should be a post of its own, but our little Wiggles is slightly behind in verbal skills. He's meeting all of his motor milestones (and might even be ahead...Dr. didn't say) but he's not realllly talking yet. He babbles a bit, and most everything else is variations on Da. I guess he should be saying 3 words by now, but unless we count "uh oh" "chsssssssss" and "Da" he's not quite there. We've started narrating his play per the Dr.s suggestion (it feels silly) and it seems to be encouraging him to babble more! And last night when we read him the hungry caterpillar we both heard him attempt the word "butterfly" but that very well could have been wishful thinking. I guess the Dr will be looking to see if he can say 10 words by his next check up in 3 months.
So a list, or random disparate thoughts:
1. I need daycare. For my son. Pronto. He's on the waiting list at my first choice, but it doesn't look likely he'll get in by the time we need care. I have one more place to tour that's near campus...then I'll be looking at places near where we live, which lead into...
2. Where shall we live? We'll have to decide in January if we want to renew our lease or not. It looks like rent (which went waaaay up in the summer) has fallen back down to be inline with what we currently pay. We've basically said that if we can find a house to rent for the same price as our apartment rent, we'd prefer to move and live in the house. The trouble is...we for sure can't find a house in our current neighborhood at this price. And we really like our neighborhood. So...we'd have to move to a new neighborhood, and I'm not sure which one, and that makes the "looking at daycares near where we live" rather complicated.
3. I've taken up running. I really enjoy it. I feel happy when I run. It's so nice to start the day off feeling happy for half an hour!
4. We're traveling back to the PNW for Christmas. I am part excited, part happy, part anxious. The traveling part is always anxiety inducing. I'm sure it'll be great.
5. This semester is trying to kill me at the end. Work upon work keeps piling up with deadlines all aligned. It's just mean.
6. My dissertation has really come together in the past month or so. It's nice to have that clarity and, bonus, I like my project.
7. This maybe should be a post of its own, but our little Wiggles is slightly behind in verbal skills. He's meeting all of his motor milestones (and might even be ahead...Dr. didn't say) but he's not realllly talking yet. He babbles a bit, and most everything else is variations on Da. I guess he should be saying 3 words by now, but unless we count "uh oh" "chsssssssss" and "Da" he's not quite there. We've started narrating his play per the Dr.s suggestion (it feels silly) and it seems to be encouraging him to babble more! And last night when we read him the hungry caterpillar we both heard him attempt the word "butterfly" but that very well could have been wishful thinking. I guess the Dr will be looking to see if he can say 10 words by his next check up in 3 months.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Furious George
I am beyond pissed off right now. The past several weeks and the next several weeks are a rather intense time for me in my PhD program. Admittedly, this is in part due to my personal choices, and as was rather pointedly clarified for me by a certain in-law, being in my PhD program at all is "personal choice." And apparently, because I've made such a choice, I have no room to complain. (BullShit ma'm, Bullshit. Everyone complains about their choices. Usually about the parts of their choice that are beyond their control. But THAT, is another post).
So, it is during this intense time that I have received, not one, but two letters from two separate family members. In short, these letters are essentially asking me (and Mr. R by proxy) to change our values and beliefs regarding our son to better accommodate these family members and their values and beliefs. OUR son.
I'm beyond pissed. And I just don't get it. I wouldn't be so angry if I didn't want our son to have a relationship with these people. After all, the "are family." This has been my mantra since before Mr. Random and I married - he doesn't quite share it and is ready to just not have a relationship with members of his family if they can't respect him and his wishes. (one of the letters is from his side, one from mine). I'm starting to get on his band-wagon, because this is ridiculous.
One letter basically says that they won't be told what they are and aren't allowed to do with regards to our son. That they have certain "privileges" on account of being a grandparent. Maybe we're weird in that we don't agree? We think that being the parent means we get to say what they can and cannot do with our son? (this is like...big things...like force-feeding a 9 month old cookies w/o checking first with his mother to see if (1) he can handle that food texture and (2) oh....if he might not have allergies or some other digestive issue that might mean you should CHECK before you give a BABY food. Just saying.) We're not saying she has to clear every little detail, which, of course, is what she'll do. If she even acquiesces. She indicated in her letter that this could "mean goodbye" to all three of us. SERIOUSLY? Whatever.
The other letter is from a sibling. This sibling is dating a person who abused and killed one of her cats. BRUTALLY. She continues to date this man. We have thus far made it clear in no uncertain terms we will not allow this man in our son's presence. I've had some people say, oh, as long as lots of people are around, what's he going to do? Well...considering he was abusing the cats in the sibling's presence and she didn't notice...he could do a lot. Not to mention, generally in large family gatherings a lot is going on and there are lots of opportunities for such subtle abuse to occur. We aren't comfortable risking it. Sorry. This person has demonstrated brutal violence against smaller defensive less creatures that "annoyed" him. Not. Going. To. Risk. It.
So the letter was actually from this man, and forwarded by the sibling and we're encouraged to re-evaluate our stance. After all, he went to 4 weeks of counseling. And he attached a "scholarly" article that suggests maybe violence to animals doesn't transfer to humans after all. I can't wait until I have the time to rip the article apart properly (it merely cites correlations, and has weak statistics for it at that) and perhaps find a few other articles that support our beliefs (that it may, in fact, not be safe to have him around a baby).
The bottom line is, WE'RE the parents! These are the kinds of things WE decide. Not them.
So furious.
So, it is during this intense time that I have received, not one, but two letters from two separate family members. In short, these letters are essentially asking me (and Mr. R by proxy) to change our values and beliefs regarding our son to better accommodate these family members and their values and beliefs. OUR son.
I'm beyond pissed. And I just don't get it. I wouldn't be so angry if I didn't want our son to have a relationship with these people. After all, the "are family." This has been my mantra since before Mr. Random and I married - he doesn't quite share it and is ready to just not have a relationship with members of his family if they can't respect him and his wishes. (one of the letters is from his side, one from mine). I'm starting to get on his band-wagon, because this is ridiculous.
One letter basically says that they won't be told what they are and aren't allowed to do with regards to our son. That they have certain "privileges" on account of being a grandparent. Maybe we're weird in that we don't agree? We think that being the parent means we get to say what they can and cannot do with our son? (this is like...big things...like force-feeding a 9 month old cookies w/o checking first with his mother to see if (1) he can handle that food texture and (2) oh....if he might not have allergies or some other digestive issue that might mean you should CHECK before you give a BABY food. Just saying.) We're not saying she has to clear every little detail, which, of course, is what she'll do. If she even acquiesces. She indicated in her letter that this could "mean goodbye" to all three of us. SERIOUSLY? Whatever.
The other letter is from a sibling. This sibling is dating a person who abused and killed one of her cats. BRUTALLY. She continues to date this man. We have thus far made it clear in no uncertain terms we will not allow this man in our son's presence. I've had some people say, oh, as long as lots of people are around, what's he going to do? Well...considering he was abusing the cats in the sibling's presence and she didn't notice...he could do a lot. Not to mention, generally in large family gatherings a lot is going on and there are lots of opportunities for such subtle abuse to occur. We aren't comfortable risking it. Sorry. This person has demonstrated brutal violence against smaller defensive less creatures that "annoyed" him. Not. Going. To. Risk. It.
So the letter was actually from this man, and forwarded by the sibling and we're encouraged to re-evaluate our stance. After all, he went to 4 weeks of counseling. And he attached a "scholarly" article that suggests maybe violence to animals doesn't transfer to humans after all. I can't wait until I have the time to rip the article apart properly (it merely cites correlations, and has weak statistics for it at that) and perhaps find a few other articles that support our beliefs (that it may, in fact, not be safe to have him around a baby).
The bottom line is, WE'RE the parents! These are the kinds of things WE decide. Not them.
So furious.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Why I can't read/watch the news
A 1 year old boy was fatally shot in the head in what appears to have been an attempted home robbery. My heart wrenches. I have a 1 year old little boy. He was home with his grandmother at the time. I can only imagine what that poor woman felt as she rushed him to a neighbor and called 911. My heart is wrenched just thinking about it.
It's so heart breaking. And the little one did nothing wrong. The grandmother did nothing wrong. These two heartless men showed up with a gun and killed a little one. They did do something wrong, but I kind of doubt they feel it.
And now I understand why people might only have one child. When I was younger I never understood why people would stop at one. Having many younger brothers and sister might be a factor in that, but it never made sense to me. Now I can see one possible explanation. When you have a baby it's like a piece of your heart living outside you. And you can protect it. And you can nurture it. But ultimately, things will happen to it beyond your control. It's a risk. Because a part of you can be so easily hurt. It's terrifying to think of taking that risk again. And having your heart broken into multiple pieces...all vulnerable in the world.
I still think Wiggles' will benefit from having a sibling. And we still think we'd like to have another baby. But I'm definitely leaning toward only one more now. Instead of our two, maybe three kid philosophy I had before Wiggles. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to have more.
It's so heart breaking. And the little one did nothing wrong. The grandmother did nothing wrong. These two heartless men showed up with a gun and killed a little one. They did do something wrong, but I kind of doubt they feel it.
And now I understand why people might only have one child. When I was younger I never understood why people would stop at one. Having many younger brothers and sister might be a factor in that, but it never made sense to me. Now I can see one possible explanation. When you have a baby it's like a piece of your heart living outside you. And you can protect it. And you can nurture it. But ultimately, things will happen to it beyond your control. It's a risk. Because a part of you can be so easily hurt. It's terrifying to think of taking that risk again. And having your heart broken into multiple pieces...all vulnerable in the world.
I still think Wiggles' will benefit from having a sibling. And we still think we'd like to have another baby. But I'm definitely leaning toward only one more now. Instead of our two, maybe three kid philosophy I had before Wiggles. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to have more.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Random Ramblings
I missed posting yesterday. There was something I kept thinking of that I wanted to write about...but by the time I'd sit down to write it, the thought was gone. At which point I'd get up and do something else, planning to return to write it out when the thought came back. It came back...and left, several times. And in the end, I have no idea what that fleeting thought was. So no post. And here we are.
On the baby name front, it seems safe to say that Isabelle is out if it's a girl. Which makes me sad, but...there are FAR too many Isabella's, I'm over the whole Twilight "thing" and hate the association, AND, a co-worker of Mr. Random's who just annoys the hell out of him (nice enough guy, just happens to have every odd quirk that pushes every one of Mr. Random's buttons) is having a girl in October (well, presumably his wife is doing the having) and they've pretty much settled on the name Isabella. Mr. Random hadn't liked the popularity of the name before, but this really finished it off for him. So there were are.
I've also pretty much ruled out Aiden. It just doesn't seem right anymore, and - again - the popularity thing.
We have lists with 3 boys names and 3 girls names at this point, and are pretty settled on the middle names for each. I think we'll go with those and hope one of the 6 seems "right" upon staring at the little one's scrunched face. If not...well, the hospital has WiFi. :)
We watched Where the Wild Things Are the other night. Well, that's inaccurate. We started to watch that movie. And quickly, both of us were looking at each other in horror. And then boredom. It really just didn't do it for us. And, quite frankly, convinced us that children are rather frightening creatures after all and that we'd prefer not to have any. Quite a predicament I find myself in considering that recent conclusion. (I am kidding...mostly)
Seriously though, the boy in the movie seems to have some major issues. Especially issues of loneliness. I think I was a lonely child from time to time, but my gosh. MY GOSH. It really did freak us out. But our kid will be all rainbows and butterflies, right? (now I'm completely kidding)
The weather has taken a turn for pleasant. We've had rain showers and cooler temperatures. I'm hoping the change is permanent and signaling "fall" (as if Phoenix actually has seasons beyond "warm" and "hot, hot, hot!") but we'll see. The end of the 10 day forecast shows temps climbing back up into the triple digits.
I had lunch with Advisor the other day too. She wanted to see me once more before Baby was born. Lunch was yummy, and it was a mostly fun chat. It involved a lot of unsolicited advice from her about everything from labor to breastfeeding to child rearing - which for the most part I agreed with, had already heard, or appreciated, so that was good. We talked work a little bit - I still have mixed feelings about how to spend my time for the next 5 or so months. You see, I'm funding myself, thanks in large part to her, and based on that, feel that I can do whatever the hell I want. If that means I'm focused 100% on the baby and do nothing towards the PhD, well I think that's my right. It's probably also stupid. She has some ideas for how to spend my time and assures me that after the first few weeks I'll want the intellectual activity. I suspect she's right...but I don't like it. (I'm a bit ornery) I'm planning on attending a conference in the spring that I need to submit an abstract for...I believe the deadline's in October or thereabouts, so that'll be something "intellectual" for me to do. (as in, dust off the abstract I worked on over the summer and get that in) Beyond that...it'd be smart to keep up on the literature...and probably to play with some internet programming options. But I don't think I'll make solid goals/plans yet. We'll see how I handle the baby-rearing part first. I had had dreams (last spring) of taking my master's thesis and turning it into a publishable paper during this time. Sounds lofty at this point...but would probably be worthwhile. And it'd be a nice FU to the fine folk who assured me I'd be "worthless" and should take the semester off (yes, this includes Advisor who now has all these ideas for how I should spend my time and suggests I'll want the intellectual stimulation - which one is it lady?).
On the baby name front, it seems safe to say that Isabelle is out if it's a girl. Which makes me sad, but...there are FAR too many Isabella's, I'm over the whole Twilight "thing" and hate the association, AND, a co-worker of Mr. Random's who just annoys the hell out of him (nice enough guy, just happens to have every odd quirk that pushes every one of Mr. Random's buttons) is having a girl in October (well, presumably his wife is doing the having) and they've pretty much settled on the name Isabella. Mr. Random hadn't liked the popularity of the name before, but this really finished it off for him. So there were are.
I've also pretty much ruled out Aiden. It just doesn't seem right anymore, and - again - the popularity thing.
We have lists with 3 boys names and 3 girls names at this point, and are pretty settled on the middle names for each. I think we'll go with those and hope one of the 6 seems "right" upon staring at the little one's scrunched face. If not...well, the hospital has WiFi. :)
We watched Where the Wild Things Are the other night. Well, that's inaccurate. We started to watch that movie. And quickly, both of us were looking at each other in horror. And then boredom. It really just didn't do it for us. And, quite frankly, convinced us that children are rather frightening creatures after all and that we'd prefer not to have any. Quite a predicament I find myself in considering that recent conclusion. (I am kidding...mostly)
Seriously though, the boy in the movie seems to have some major issues. Especially issues of loneliness. I think I was a lonely child from time to time, but my gosh. MY GOSH. It really did freak us out. But our kid will be all rainbows and butterflies, right? (now I'm completely kidding)
The weather has taken a turn for pleasant. We've had rain showers and cooler temperatures. I'm hoping the change is permanent and signaling "fall" (as if Phoenix actually has seasons beyond "warm" and "hot, hot, hot!") but we'll see. The end of the 10 day forecast shows temps climbing back up into the triple digits.
I had lunch with Advisor the other day too. She wanted to see me once more before Baby was born. Lunch was yummy, and it was a mostly fun chat. It involved a lot of unsolicited advice from her about everything from labor to breastfeeding to child rearing - which for the most part I agreed with, had already heard, or appreciated, so that was good. We talked work a little bit - I still have mixed feelings about how to spend my time for the next 5 or so months. You see, I'm funding myself, thanks in large part to her, and based on that, feel that I can do whatever the hell I want. If that means I'm focused 100% on the baby and do nothing towards the PhD, well I think that's my right. It's probably also stupid. She has some ideas for how to spend my time and assures me that after the first few weeks I'll want the intellectual activity. I suspect she's right...but I don't like it. (I'm a bit ornery) I'm planning on attending a conference in the spring that I need to submit an abstract for...I believe the deadline's in October or thereabouts, so that'll be something "intellectual" for me to do. (as in, dust off the abstract I worked on over the summer and get that in) Beyond that...it'd be smart to keep up on the literature...and probably to play with some internet programming options. But I don't think I'll make solid goals/plans yet. We'll see how I handle the baby-rearing part first. I had had dreams (last spring) of taking my master's thesis and turning it into a publishable paper during this time. Sounds lofty at this point...but would probably be worthwhile. And it'd be a nice FU to the fine folk who assured me I'd be "worthless" and should take the semester off (yes, this includes Advisor who now has all these ideas for how I should spend my time and suggests I'll want the intellectual stimulation - which one is it lady?).
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