Disparate Thoughts

I've composed several blog posts in my head these past weeks - doesn't do much good for actually getting them up here though!

So a list, or random disparate thoughts:

1. I need daycare. For my son. Pronto. He's on the waiting list at my first choice, but it doesn't look likely he'll get in by the time we need care. I have one more place to tour that's near campus...then I'll be looking at places near where we live, which lead into...

2. Where shall we live? We'll have to decide in January if we want to renew our lease or not. It looks like rent (which went waaaay up in the summer) has fallen back down to be inline with what we currently pay. We've basically said that if we can find a house to rent for the same price as our apartment rent, we'd prefer to move and live in the house. The trouble is...we for sure can't find a house in our current neighborhood at this price. And we really like our neighborhood. So...we'd have to move to a new neighborhood, and I'm not sure which one, and that makes the "looking at daycares near where we live" rather complicated.

3. I've taken up running. I really enjoy it. I feel happy when I run. It's so nice to start the day off feeling happy for half an hour!

4. We're traveling back to the PNW for Christmas. I am part excited, part happy, part anxious. The traveling part is always anxiety inducing. I'm sure it'll be great.

5. This semester is trying to kill me at the end. Work upon work keeps piling up with deadlines all aligned. It's just mean.

6. My dissertation has really come together in the past month or so. It's nice to have that clarity and, bonus, I like my project.

7. This maybe should be a post of its own, but our little Wiggles is slightly behind in verbal skills. He's meeting all of his motor milestones (and might even be ahead...Dr. didn't say) but he's not realllly talking yet. He babbles a bit, and most everything else is variations on Da. I guess he should be saying 3 words by now, but unless we count "uh oh" "chsssssssss" and "Da" he's not quite there. We've started narrating his play per the Dr.s suggestion (it feels silly) and it seems to be encouraging him to babble more! And last night when we read him the hungry caterpillar we both heard him attempt the word "butterfly" but that very well could have been wishful thinking. I guess the Dr will be looking to see if he can say 10 words by his next check up in 3 months.

Feeling Petty

and I don't like it.

I am 27 years old.  I've been married for nearly 5 years.  I bought a house.  I lost that house - primarily due to my husband (the bread-winner as it were) losing his job.  I just had my first baby, and we all three live in an apartment, that is pretty nice, but no house.  And is half the size our house was, so we gave away a lot of things and are pretty cramped here with the rest.  Most of the time, I still feel very lucky and happy with our situation.  We can still have some nice things, buy healthy food in enough quantity that we're never hungry, and we've been able to take some pretty great vacations.

But every now and then...I feel envious of others my age.  Especially those that waited until after the housing bubble burst and are just now purchasing their first homes.  For a LOT less than we bought our house for.  And with a much greater income.  They're just in such a better situation financially.  And it feels like a little stab to the heart.  I want to be happy for them, but there's always a little bitterness too.  

And then...there's my cousin.  She's 21.  She's married, for just over 1 year.  She has no college education, neither does her husband.  They're expecting their first baby.  And they're, apparently, attempting to buy their first house.  This particular situation strikes my heart a bit stronger than the others.  For several reasons.  For one thing, they're so much younger.  For another, they are not as well educated as my husband or I, and consequently work very entry-level jobs.  My cousin works at a fast food restaurant and the husband works at a big box store as a sales guy.  And, apparently, she's still on her parent's medical insurance.

So, my first thought is How?!  How on EARTH can they afford a house?  My next thought is that they're getting help from their parents.  And this frustrates the hell out of me.  And then that frustrates me because I feel like I ought to just be happy for them.  But I mean, come on!  Mr. Random and I have been on our own financially since we got married.  Before we got married even.  When we were about their age.  Since then we moved 1000 miles from home, we rented apartments, bought our cars, bought our house, lost our house, and are now taking a boatload of student loans to live off of.  All on our own.  We pay our own medical insurance, car insurance, life insurance, renter's insurance.  All our own bills.  And...honestly, that's as it should be!  I feel that if you're mature enough to marry, you should be mature enough to provide for yourselves financially.  I realize these are hard economic times (I DO, first hand, believe me!) but that doesn't change the fact that you should be buying your own insurance and paying your own bills.  And especially if you're having a baby, you should be financially independent first!  

I guess it doesn't always work that way, and if you're parents can help you out...well, why not, right?  I guess I just feel frustrated that we tried so hard to do it all on our own - and had it blow up in our faces due to circumstance beyond our control (some of it was within our control, but ultimately a lot of it wasn't) and it feels like other people, like my cousin, aren't even trying to do it on their own.  And they're better off for it!  It just seems like it shouldn't work that way.  

To move or not to move?

We have about a week to decide if we want to renew our lease.  Our apartment is raising our rent about 10%.  It's roughly $70 we really don't have.  I don't remember if I mentioned it on here, but Mr. Random is leaving his miserable job.  He's going back to school.  We're equal parts terrified and excited for this next chapter.

Financially, it's probably a bad decision.  It means we'll be living on my meager income from my RA and teaching at community college and student loans.  For 1.5 years.  Then we hope, pray, etc. that he gets a teaching job upon graduating.  So we can start paying back his loans.  I should graduate the following year, when we'll once again, hope, pray, etc. that I get a job.  So we can start paying back my loans.

So, financially, it doesn't make a lot of sense.  It'll mean a lot of debt that would have been nice to avoid.  And, if I get a teaching job, it's possible he could have gone back to school then for free.  But, finances aren't the only thing to consider when making life decisions.  A major factor was Mr. Random's happiness.  He's been truly miserable in this job.  Quite frankly, he's not been happy since we moved here for my educational pursuits.  He's worked one job or another for 4 years with the main requirement being income, not his own personal satisfaction or happiness.  It's definitely time for him to be able to pursue something he'd enjoy.  (if only he knew what that was...but that's likely another post - yes, he's not 100% sure this is a path he'll enjoy...yes, definitely another post).  Also, there's the issue of daycare.  It turns out part-time care costs more than full-time care (!!!) and would basically negate my income.  Or halve Mr. Random's income.  And things are pretty tight as it is.  So - instead of scrimping and scraping by with Mr. Random in a job he hates and Baby Wiggles in daycare, we'll take turns caring for the little one and scrimp by with student loans.  It doesn't make financial sense, but I really believe all 3 of us will be a lot happier for it.  And that's definitely worth something.

Anyway, complicating factors is this raise in rent.  It's going to make things even more difficult.  So...do we stay?  Do we move?  I've looked into other properties.  But we like the area we're in right now.  Though our neighbors are somewhat noisy and there are somethings about the apartment (floorplan, and noisy vibrating AC unit) that I greatly dislike.  We could probably rent a house for about $100 more per month than the new apartment rent.  But that's yet another $100 we really don't have.  And I do look forward to taking Wiggles to the pool this following summer.

What to do?  More research probably...and it looks like I need a pro/con list.