Hee Hee Hoo Hoo

We had our first childbirth class this past week. I'm learning all kinds of things lately! The art of slow cooking, how to push a *hopefully* full term baby out. Well, I guess we didn't get much to the pushing part yet.

We had the first class, and it was roughly 4 hours long. We started with basic anatomy - I already knew most of that. I did learn that there are actually TWO sacs the baby lives in...I hadn't known that. And I learned that our instructor keeps a placenta frozen in her freezer. Which she promised to thaw and bring in for us to see. Maybe I'm just not enough of a natural granola type, but that just sounds gross to me. I've heard there are cultures where one eats the placenta. Ew. I've heard of people planting the placentas underneath a tree for their little one. This I can understand...I even think might be cool. But as we currently live in an apartment, it's not really feasible. I'm fine with letting my placenta be dealt with as bio-hazardous waste. Because, well, that's what it seems like to me.

Anyway, after learning about anatomy we learned about positions of the baby and how the baby actually navigates through the birth canal and vagina. Did you know they have to turn? Fascinating actually.

We talked a bit about nutrition - I'm definitely not eating enough protein, but I'm doing pretty well everywhere else I think. Well, that's not true. I need more veggies too. I'm not sure why I don't eat more...

We talked a bit about the stages of labor - how dad's can be helpful, and how they can be rather unhelpful (so things to avoid). We heard about our instructors 31 hour natural home birth, that was a vbac after 3 c-sections.

During some of this she talked about mindset - and compared labor to sex. And premature ejaculation. The interesting thing, was that she was talking about how when a guy tries to prevent premature ejaculation, he thinks about anything but what he's doing. And she was trying to say that labor is the opposite - we need to be all focused on it, though later she'd say we just needed to let our bodies do what they know how to do. Which one lady?

The class ended with some videos of birth. I'm pretty sure I was supposed to feel awe and admire the beauty of motherhood and such. I didn't. I mean...I was impressed by some of the things I saw. Grossed out by others. And I felt LOADS more attractive after seeing some of these women in their naked glory (which is awful probably, I know). So I clearly wasn't focusing on what I think I was supposed to get out of the videos. But gracious! There's such nasty fluids involved! A whole mess of them! And the squirming little newborn is all covered in it...and they're wrinkly and generally angry at finding themselves outside their previous warm and cozy home. I dunno...I guess we'll have to see what I think being on the other side of it.

On the way home Mr. Random and I chatted about the class. He thought it was fine...but he hadn't learned anything new yet (he's read a book by Dr. Bradley that covered a lot of it). His biggest issue was what he felt was blatant hypocrisy. Our instructor was telling us about her all natural home birth, but then went on to tell us about a decision she had to make (b/c decision making in active labor is near impossible) regarding taking some herbs to crank up her labor, or to not take them and let it dial down a bit. In Mr. Random's mind, and mine too, this is not "natural". We don't mean it's bad by any means! Just that herbs that cause a change in your labor are no different than meds! Just one's synthetic, and one's "naturally grown". Possibly. His issue was not with her taking the herbs, but insisting it was still a "natural" unassisted, uninterventioned birth.

He was also quite unimpressed by her 5 minute rant on the value and importance of doulas. There's one other couple in the class with us, and when she asked if either of us had hired doulas, and we both said no, she clucked at us in dismay. She, you see, is a doula. For a mere $550 she will attend your birth, and provide that sisterly bond that is is apparently so necessary. She does also bring a tub and do the work of filling and emptying it, which started to make the cost more reasonable in my mind, but Mr. Random was rather irritated by the whole lecture. His take is that the only reason women would need another woman, a "sister", to "mother" her during labor, is because men are kept ignorant. He feels that if he's educated in the same way she is, that he can provide as much, if not more support than a stranger, though she happens to be a "woman". And you know what, I think he could. And I would be more comfortable with him than a stranger. But I'm also a woman who's never been super close to her genetic sisters. And I have a truly sensitive, intelligent, and caring husband. I don't know that all men would be up to the challenge. And some women might truly prefer a woman's care over her husband - especially if he's less sensitive, or less nurturing.

For us, however, I think we'll just go the adventure together...and see how it goes. :)

Finally, Settled

Remember my issue with scheduling childbirth classes? No? It's a few posts back. I'm too lazy to link just now...lazy, or busy. Probably lazy. :) But I want to keep posting more regularly on here. I haven't been journaling, so this is the closest I'll get to tracking my thoughts and ideas during this time of my life.

Anyway, the childbirth class issue has been solved! We're taking a private class that focuses more on natural childbirth methods than the one through the hospital would have. It's more expensive, but I think it'll be worth it. They moved the class from Saturdays to Thursday evenings so we could take it, which was super awesome. And Mr. Random is super on board the "all natural" train, so he's glad I think. He wanted it to be my decision ultimately, but this seemed like the best way to go. I had never been happy that the only hospital class we could go to was not even going to be at my hospital, but a totally different one! Classes start this week, so I'm sure I'll have lots to share about it. Or maybe not, time will tell.

Follow up on childbirth

So, there's these classes you take, right? To learn about the delivery and what to expect and different pain management options. And you're supposed to go with your support person. For me, this is Mr. Random.

Well, I've had a HELL of a time scheduling the damn thing. I'll be teaching in the evenings they offer these courses, and lately Mr. Random has been having to work Saturdays. We finally settled on a likely Saturday, for him to realize this past week that he has a mandatory work day that day, and the following Saturdays are likely to be "strongly encouraged".

So I called to see about re-scheduling (again) and asked if he would be able to just come to the last part, and the person said you have to have a partner, because of the positions and such. She said you could bring your mom or your sister and then he could step in, but you need someone else there.

And I nearly burst into tears! There's no one else. My mom and sisters live out of state, far, far away. My supposed friends that I would ask have been too busy to even call lately.

I'm all alone.

Childbirth

Ah yes. Now I've done got a baby growing inside, I will, at some point, have to get it out. I have mixed feelings about all of that. (a mixture of fear, excitement, concern, curiosity...shaken, not stirred)

I tend to swing hippie-granola. But not super crunchy granola...probably not organic granola...but a good soft granola for sure. Which means, I'd prefer to avoid The Drugs. I get mixed responses when I announce this - but the most common one, is an incredulous look followed by "you're crazy". The next most common reaction is a knowing look, a pat on the head, and a "whatever you say dear". Okay, people haven't literally done that, but I know they want to. They expect me to be SCREAMING for an epidural at my first Braxton Hicks. I truly appreciate their skepticism.

So seriously, I'd like to avoid The Drugs. And I'd REALLY like to avoid The Epidural. There are a number of reasons. First off, I don't take drugs in real life. I'm one of your weirdos that people think are Mormon because I seem so "clean" or something, but I'm not. I just try to avoid drugs...it just seems like if I can find other ways to manage a headache, then do that. Why ingest a synthetic substance my body doesn't need? (that being said, I was for a time on some pretty intense drugs for regular tension headaches...but I think that was a mistake - I went off the drugs, and with other methods, like massages and not being so damn stressed out, the headaches went away - miracle of miracles)

Okay, so Reason #1. I avoid drugs in real life. So you're argument, wouldn't you take a pill for a headache, not going to work. I generally don't. And I've had migraines yo. That's when I consider an ibuprofen. Reason #2 - the drugs will pass to the baby. Now, I suppose it's possible the baby wants to be drugged out of it's misery too...but what happens when it has to try to breath and learn to nurse? Maybe it'd like to be in full control of it's limited mental faculties to attempt these important life skills. Just a thought.

But the big reason, the ultimate why I want to avoid an Epidural: I fear it. I don't want someone poking things in my spine if it can be helped! And further, one of the most common side effects is a drop in blood pressure. I already run low, and have a history of passing out. In the middle of labor, probably not a good time to go swooning. (no, it's not as romantic as they make it seem in movies and old stories, it's actually really, really sucky)

So, that's it. I just think it'll be healthier for everyone if I can find a way to manage the pain of childbirth without drugs or epidurals. Despite this, I'm not saying absolutely no way, no how. I mean, I've never done this before. I have no real idea how it's going to go or how I'll handle it. So, my plan, thus far, is to go in with an open mind, attempt to manage the pain with other methods...but if it gets too much, it gets too much. And the ultimate goal here is that Random Jr. and I survive - preferably healthy and ready to go home 2 days later. If that means an epidural, then so be it. But I really hope it doesn't. :)