Teaching...on the Sly

I may or may not be engaged in teaching activities at a local community college. Hypothetically, if I were engaged in such activities, I would likely feel inclined to share that I find myself enjoying said activities. Hypothetically, I might teach an intro lecture and the associated lab.

But as much as I [hypothetically] enjoy teaching right now, I can see how I would fairly quickly feel stale and bored teaching the same thing year after year. And only teaching.

Which leads me to believe a university setting is more the environment for me. It's more stressful and time consuming to add in research requirements - but I think it will also be more interesting and fulfilling.

Starting the year off right

I'm now ABD.

So that's good.

=D

Now to get this whole "dissertation" thing knocked out of the way and I'll be in business...or something.

Disparate Thoughts

I've composed several blog posts in my head these past weeks - doesn't do much good for actually getting them up here though!

So a list, or random disparate thoughts:

1. I need daycare. For my son. Pronto. He's on the waiting list at my first choice, but it doesn't look likely he'll get in by the time we need care. I have one more place to tour that's near campus...then I'll be looking at places near where we live, which lead into...

2. Where shall we live? We'll have to decide in January if we want to renew our lease or not. It looks like rent (which went waaaay up in the summer) has fallen back down to be inline with what we currently pay. We've basically said that if we can find a house to rent for the same price as our apartment rent, we'd prefer to move and live in the house. The trouble is...we for sure can't find a house in our current neighborhood at this price. And we really like our neighborhood. So...we'd have to move to a new neighborhood, and I'm not sure which one, and that makes the "looking at daycares near where we live" rather complicated.

3. I've taken up running. I really enjoy it. I feel happy when I run. It's so nice to start the day off feeling happy for half an hour!

4. We're traveling back to the PNW for Christmas. I am part excited, part happy, part anxious. The traveling part is always anxiety inducing. I'm sure it'll be great.

5. This semester is trying to kill me at the end. Work upon work keeps piling up with deadlines all aligned. It's just mean.

6. My dissertation has really come together in the past month or so. It's nice to have that clarity and, bonus, I like my project.

7. This maybe should be a post of its own, but our little Wiggles is slightly behind in verbal skills. He's meeting all of his motor milestones (and might even be ahead...Dr. didn't say) but he's not realllly talking yet. He babbles a bit, and most everything else is variations on Da. I guess he should be saying 3 words by now, but unless we count "uh oh" "chsssssssss" and "Da" he's not quite there. We've started narrating his play per the Dr.s suggestion (it feels silly) and it seems to be encouraging him to babble more! And last night when we read him the hungry caterpillar we both heard him attempt the word "butterfly" but that very well could have been wishful thinking. I guess the Dr will be looking to see if he can say 10 words by his next check up in 3 months.

It's that time of my life

Proposal writing. Sometimes a bitch. But am I very odd if it's sometimes exhilarating?

I wrote 1600 words today.

I hope it's not all crap.

I also held office hours, cooked dinner, ate dinner as a family, played with my baby, did 1 load of laundry and went on a walk with my family.

I think I'll call it a day. A good day even.

Family Planning

I've thought about this off and on lately. And after having a oh-$*&#-could-I-be-pregnant? moment and realizing that such a thing would at this point in time bring on a cold sweat and fill me with great terror, I feel safe in saying now is not quite the time for our next little baby. We are pretty sure we only want 2 and we thought the ideal spacing would be about 3 years apart. Which...puts having the next little one right about when I'm trying to start my new job - that is, assuming I get such a job upon graduating...and assuming I graduate "on time" to my current plan. A lot of assumptions! Either way, that doesn't seem wise.

So then we could have the little one sooner - say a 2.5 year spacing. Which would put me having the next little one...right around when I defend my dissertation (same assumptions as above). That wouldn't be so bad - except I'd also be going to job interviews either hugely pregnant or with a very new newborn. I'm not keen on either option. This is all, of course, if I get an academic job. I suppose an industry job might give a little more flexibility in the timing of interviews and such.

Which leaves me thinking about 4 years apart might not be so bad. Maybe we have the next little one after I finish my first academic year at this imaginary new job? That seems...reasonable. I really don't want them much further apart than that...

I just don't know.

Attitude

I was talking with a fellow PhD student the other day.  We've had several classes together and technically are on the same timeline - ish.  He's a nice enough guy and I like him, but he said something the other day that really irked me.

He's teaching a class this summer that I had the pleasure of teaching last summer.  As such I provided him with my syllabus/schedule and most of the class materials, well, because he asked.  And because I got similar help from another student last summer.  So it definitely seemed like the right thing to do.  I ran into him in the hall and he said he wanted to talk about the course.  We chatted a bit about it and then he said the part that irked me: "I hope the students don't bother me too much, because, quite frankly, I don't have the time".

There it is.  I know he's not the first, nor will he be the last person to teach a course with such an attitude.  But I really hate that attitude.  And I've certainly been bothered and annoyed by students.  I'm sure most teachers have.

But - not everyone gets to teach in the summer.  It's bonus $ that is not at all guaranteed and you kind of have to fight for it.  As such, it's also not required.  So...if he doesn't have the time, why did he sign up to teach?  I'm sure because he needs the money.  We all do.  But...come on!  If you sign up to teach a class because you need the money, you also need to make the time to actually teach.  And put up with students "bothering" you.  I think I'm especially irritated because it's an upper divisional course and, at least when I taught it, the students are actually interested in learning something.  Such a rare opportunity!  I hope he makes something positive of it, but worry his attitude about the whole thing might get in the way.

Ours to Borrow

I've been thinking a lot lately about children and parenting and how it all fits together.  I think one of the easiest mistakes to make as a parent is assuming that your child is yours to keep, when, in fact, they are only ours to borrow.  And for such a short time.  I feel like there's more there and it's a good idea, but it hasn't fully developed yet so that's all I'll say for now.  My memory isn't what it was so I wanted to jot that bit down before I forgot!

This upcoming week I'll be partaking in a right of passage known as Comprehensive Exams.  I'm pretty sure most PhD programs have something similar...but I could be wrong about that.  It's a major milestone in the program and kind of a big deal.  I've been "preparing" for it since January.  Or...at least that's the theory.  I've had all kinds of papers to read and thoughts to think in preparation...but honestly...I've probably only done half of what was "assigned" or "recommended".  Ugh.  I'm just not as motivated as I need to be.  I feel tired all the time and am a pretty slow reader, so the huge stack of papers to read has been rather burdensome.  And now it's crunch time.  The weekend before the exam - probably time to at least attempt to read some of the half that are unread.  And I feel blah about it.  It's not despair really.  Not stress or anxiety exactly.  More just...tired.  Really, really tired.  And so here I am blogging instead.  Sigh.

Back to the reading!

Random Ramblings

I missed posting yesterday.  There was something I kept thinking of that I wanted to write about...but by the time I'd sit down to write it, the thought was gone.  At which point I'd get up and do something else, planning to return to write it out when the thought came back.  It came back...and left, several times.  And in the end, I have no idea what that fleeting thought was.  So no post.  And here we are.

On the baby name front, it seems safe to say that Isabelle is out if it's a girl.  Which makes me sad, but...there are FAR too many Isabella's, I'm over the whole Twilight "thing" and hate the association, AND, a co-worker of Mr. Random's who just annoys the hell out of him (nice enough guy, just happens to have every odd quirk that pushes every one of Mr. Random's buttons) is having a girl in October (well, presumably his wife is doing the having) and they've pretty much settled on the name Isabella.  Mr. Random hadn't liked the popularity of the name before, but this really finished it off for him.  So there were are.

I've also pretty much ruled out Aiden.  It just doesn't seem right anymore, and - again - the popularity thing.

We have lists with 3 boys names and 3 girls names at this point, and are pretty settled on the middle names for each.  I think we'll go with those and hope one of the 6 seems "right" upon staring at the little one's scrunched face.  If not...well, the hospital has WiFi.  :)

We watched Where the Wild Things Are the other night.  Well, that's inaccurate.  We started to watch that movie.  And quickly, both of us were looking at each other in horror.  And then boredom.  It really just didn't do it for us.  And, quite frankly, convinced us that children are rather frightening creatures after all and that we'd prefer not to have any.  Quite a predicament I find myself in considering that recent conclusion.  (I am kidding...mostly)

Seriously though, the boy in the movie seems to have some major issues.  Especially issues of loneliness.  I think I was a lonely child from time to time, but my gosh.  MY GOSH.  It really did freak us out.  But our kid will be all rainbows and butterflies, right?  (now I'm completely kidding)

The weather has taken a turn for pleasant.  We've had rain showers and cooler temperatures.  I'm hoping the change is permanent and signaling "fall" (as if Phoenix actually has seasons beyond "warm" and "hot, hot, hot!") but we'll see.  The end of the 10 day forecast shows temps climbing back up into the triple digits. 

I had lunch with Advisor the other day too.  She wanted to see me once more before Baby was born.  Lunch was yummy, and it was a mostly fun chat.  It involved a lot of unsolicited advice from her about everything from labor to breastfeeding to child rearing - which for the most part I agreed with, had already heard, or appreciated, so that was good.  We talked work a little bit - I still have mixed feelings about how to spend my time for the next 5 or so months.  You see, I'm funding myself, thanks in large part to her, and based on that, feel that I can do whatever the hell I want.  If that means I'm focused 100% on the baby and do nothing towards the PhD, well I think that's my right.  It's probably also stupid.  She has some ideas for how to spend my time and assures me that after the first few weeks I'll want the intellectual activity.  I suspect she's right...but I don't like it.  (I'm a bit ornery)  I'm planning on attending a conference in the spring that I need to submit an abstract for...I believe the deadline's in October or thereabouts, so that'll be something "intellectual" for me to do.  (as in, dust off the abstract I worked on over the summer and get that in)  Beyond that...it'd be smart to keep up on the literature...and probably to play with some internet programming options.  But I don't think I'll make solid goals/plans yet.  We'll see how I handle the baby-rearing part first.  I had had dreams (last spring) of taking my master's thesis and turning it into a publishable paper during this time.  Sounds lofty at this point...but would probably be worthwhile.  And it'd be a nice FU to the fine folk who assured me I'd be "worthless" and should take the semester off (yes, this includes Advisor who now has all these ideas for how I should spend my time and suggests I'll want the intellectual stimulation - which one is it lady?).

This is so my life right now...

Saw this from PhDcomics, had to share:

Vacation