I've composed several blog posts in my head these past weeks - doesn't do much good for actually getting them up here though!
So a list, or random disparate thoughts:
1. I need daycare. For my son. Pronto. He's on the waiting list at my first choice, but it doesn't look likely he'll get in by the time we need care. I have one more place to tour that's near campus...then I'll be looking at places near where we live, which lead into...
2. Where shall we live? We'll have to decide in January if we want to renew our lease or not. It looks like rent (which went waaaay up in the summer) has fallen back down to be inline with what we currently pay. We've basically said that if we can find a house to rent for the same price as our apartment rent, we'd prefer to move and live in the house. The trouble is...we for sure can't find a house in our current neighborhood at this price. And we really like our neighborhood. So...we'd have to move to a new neighborhood, and I'm not sure which one, and that makes the "looking at daycares near where we live" rather complicated.
3. I've taken up running. I really enjoy it. I feel happy when I run. It's so nice to start the day off feeling happy for half an hour!
4. We're traveling back to the PNW for Christmas. I am part excited, part happy, part anxious. The traveling part is always anxiety inducing. I'm sure it'll be great.
5. This semester is trying to kill me at the end. Work upon work keeps piling up with deadlines all aligned. It's just mean.
6. My dissertation has really come together in the past month or so. It's nice to have that clarity and, bonus, I like my project.
7. This maybe should be a post of its own, but our little Wiggles is slightly behind in verbal skills. He's meeting all of his motor milestones (and might even be ahead...Dr. didn't say) but he's not realllly talking yet. He babbles a bit, and most everything else is variations on Da. I guess he should be saying 3 words by now, but unless we count "uh oh" "chsssssssss" and "Da" he's not quite there. We've started narrating his play per the Dr.s suggestion (it feels silly) and it seems to be encouraging him to babble more! And last night when we read him the hungry caterpillar we both heard him attempt the word "butterfly" but that very well could have been wishful thinking. I guess the Dr will be looking to see if he can say 10 words by his next check up in 3 months.
Showing posts with label finances. Show all posts
Showing posts with label finances. Show all posts
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Feeling Petty
and I don't like it.
I am 27 years old. I've been married for nearly 5 years. I bought a house. I lost that house - primarily due to my husband (the bread-winner as it were) losing his job. I just had my first baby, and we all three live in an apartment, that is pretty nice, but no house. And is half the size our house was, so we gave away a lot of things and are pretty cramped here with the rest. Most of the time, I still feel very lucky and happy with our situation. We can still have some nice things, buy healthy food in enough quantity that we're never hungry, and we've been able to take some pretty great vacations.
But every now and then...I feel envious of others my age. Especially those that waited until after the housing bubble burst and are just now purchasing their first homes. For a LOT less than we bought our house for. And with a much greater income. They're just in such a better situation financially. And it feels like a little stab to the heart. I want to be happy for them, but there's always a little bitterness too.
And then...there's my cousin. She's 21. She's married, for just over 1 year. She has no college education, neither does her husband. They're expecting their first baby. And they're, apparently, attempting to buy their first house. This particular situation strikes my heart a bit stronger than the others. For several reasons. For one thing, they're so much younger. For another, they are not as well educated as my husband or I, and consequently work very entry-level jobs. My cousin works at a fast food restaurant and the husband works at a big box store as a sales guy. And, apparently, she's still on her parent's medical insurance.
So, my first thought is How?! How on EARTH can they afford a house? My next thought is that they're getting help from their parents. And this frustrates the hell out of me. And then that frustrates me because I feel like I ought to just be happy for them. But I mean, come on! Mr. Random and I have been on our own financially since we got married. Before we got married even. When we were about their age. Since then we moved 1000 miles from home, we rented apartments, bought our cars, bought our house, lost our house, and are now taking a boatload of student loans to live off of. All on our own. We pay our own medical insurance, car insurance, life insurance, renter's insurance. All our own bills. And...honestly, that's as it should be! I feel that if you're mature enough to marry, you should be mature enough to provide for yourselves financially. I realize these are hard economic times (I DO, first hand, believe me!) but that doesn't change the fact that you should be buying your own insurance and paying your own bills. And especially if you're having a baby, you should be financially independent first!
I guess it doesn't always work that way, and if you're parents can help you out...well, why not, right? I guess I just feel frustrated that we tried so hard to do it all on our own - and had it blow up in our faces due to circumstance beyond our control (some of it was within our control, but ultimately a lot of it wasn't) and it feels like other people, like my cousin, aren't even trying to do it on their own. And they're better off for it! It just seems like it shouldn't work that way.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Irony...
So, adding to the stress of our financial finagling is figuring out health insurance. Yes, the dreaded beast. My insurance is paid for through my school. (yay!). Mr. Random will have to buy his through his school ($1000 for the semester...which isn't TOO bad when you look at the cost per month). And then we have to buy some for Wiggles. He was on Mr. Random's. Now he'll be on mine (cheaper than thru Mr. Random's school).
We knew this was going to be one of the expenses of going this route - and so it was in my financial calculations for how everything would work out. I went on my school's website and looked up how much it would cost for the semester (which covers summer too) and found it was roughly $1400. Ouch. But okay. I added it into the budget and moved on.
Fast forward to this past week when I tried to add him to my policy. First, the website wouldn't let me register. I finally called for assistance, and that person...well, was not helpful in the end. I was supposed to get a call back when they fixed whatever issue, but in my experience, whenever they say they'll "call back" they won't.
So I called back the next day and said I just wanted to add him over the phone. Turns out you can't. Can't add him in person either. My choices were over the internet, or by mail. Problem with this was that for him to have continuous coverage I needed to add him THIS week. Yeah...my bad putting it off, but it takes a bit of work to come up with the $1400. Which I have to pay upfront.
Turns out, it's not $1400. It's $2400. Great. Now I need another $1000...in less than a week. We have about enough in our meager savings - and that's what we're going to have to do, is wipe that out. The irony is, that when I did the financial calculations, I was basically pretending that we'd pay the premium out of the money we will be getting for the semester - in student loans and my stipend. And then did all the math, less the cost of health insurance, taxes, and what nots to give us a monthly "income" to budget from.
Now, with the extra $1000, I needed to re-work my math. So I went back. And it turns out...I'd fudged the numbers the first time (I often do as a sort of "buffer"). I always fudge them so that we think we'll have slightly less than we actually will. When I went back I used the actual numbers - no fudging, because I wanted a clear picture. Turns out when I'd fudged I'd managed to pretend we didn't have about $1000 dollars. Our monthly amount is exactly the same when I use the real numbers, with the new insurance amount.
That, my friends, is ironic. And possibly Providence. I take it as a sign that it'll all work out somehow.
We knew this was going to be one of the expenses of going this route - and so it was in my financial calculations for how everything would work out. I went on my school's website and looked up how much it would cost for the semester (which covers summer too) and found it was roughly $1400. Ouch. But okay. I added it into the budget and moved on.
Fast forward to this past week when I tried to add him to my policy. First, the website wouldn't let me register. I finally called for assistance, and that person...well, was not helpful in the end. I was supposed to get a call back when they fixed whatever issue, but in my experience, whenever they say they'll "call back" they won't.
So I called back the next day and said I just wanted to add him over the phone. Turns out you can't. Can't add him in person either. My choices were over the internet, or by mail. Problem with this was that for him to have continuous coverage I needed to add him THIS week. Yeah...my bad putting it off, but it takes a bit of work to come up with the $1400. Which I have to pay upfront.
Turns out, it's not $1400. It's $2400. Great. Now I need another $1000...in less than a week. We have about enough in our meager savings - and that's what we're going to have to do, is wipe that out. The irony is, that when I did the financial calculations, I was basically pretending that we'd pay the premium out of the money we will be getting for the semester - in student loans and my stipend. And then did all the math, less the cost of health insurance, taxes, and what nots to give us a monthly "income" to budget from.
Now, with the extra $1000, I needed to re-work my math. So I went back. And it turns out...I'd fudged the numbers the first time (I often do as a sort of "buffer"). I always fudge them so that we think we'll have slightly less than we actually will. When I went back I used the actual numbers - no fudging, because I wanted a clear picture. Turns out when I'd fudged I'd managed to pretend we didn't have about $1000 dollars. Our monthly amount is exactly the same when I use the real numbers, with the new insurance amount.
That, my friends, is ironic. And possibly Providence. I take it as a sign that it'll all work out somehow.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
To move or not to move?
We have about a week to decide if we want to renew our lease. Our apartment is raising our rent about 10%. It's roughly $70 we really don't have. I don't remember if I mentioned it on here, but Mr. Random is leaving his miserable job. He's going back to school. We're equal parts terrified and excited for this next chapter.
Financially, it's probably a bad decision. It means we'll be living on my meager income from my RA and teaching at community college and student loans. For 1.5 years. Then we hope, pray, etc. that he gets a teaching job upon graduating. So we can start paying back his loans. I should graduate the following year, when we'll once again, hope, pray, etc. that I get a job. So we can start paying back my loans.
So, financially, it doesn't make a lot of sense. It'll mean a lot of debt that would have been nice to avoid. And, if I get a teaching job, it's possible he could have gone back to school then for free. But, finances aren't the only thing to consider when making life decisions. A major factor was Mr. Random's happiness. He's been truly miserable in this job. Quite frankly, he's not been happy since we moved here for my educational pursuits. He's worked one job or another for 4 years with the main requirement being income, not his own personal satisfaction or happiness. It's definitely time for him to be able to pursue something he'd enjoy. (if only he knew what that was...but that's likely another post - yes, he's not 100% sure this is a path he'll enjoy...yes, definitely another post). Also, there's the issue of daycare. It turns out part-time care costs more than full-time care (!!!) and would basically negate my income. Or halve Mr. Random's income. And things are pretty tight as it is. So - instead of scrimping and scraping by with Mr. Random in a job he hates and Baby Wiggles in daycare, we'll take turns caring for the little one and scrimp by with student loans. It doesn't make financial sense, but I really believe all 3 of us will be a lot happier for it. And that's definitely worth something.
Anyway, complicating factors is this raise in rent. It's going to make things even more difficult. So...do we stay? Do we move? I've looked into other properties. But we like the area we're in right now. Though our neighbors are somewhat noisy and there are somethings about the apartment (floorplan, and noisy vibrating AC unit) that I greatly dislike. We could probably rent a house for about $100 more per month than the new apartment rent. But that's yet another $100 we really don't have. And I do look forward to taking Wiggles to the pool this following summer.
What to do? More research probably...and it looks like I need a pro/con list.
Financially, it's probably a bad decision. It means we'll be living on my meager income from my RA and teaching at community college and student loans. For 1.5 years. Then we hope, pray, etc. that he gets a teaching job upon graduating. So we can start paying back his loans. I should graduate the following year, when we'll once again, hope, pray, etc. that I get a job. So we can start paying back my loans.
So, financially, it doesn't make a lot of sense. It'll mean a lot of debt that would have been nice to avoid. And, if I get a teaching job, it's possible he could have gone back to school then for free. But, finances aren't the only thing to consider when making life decisions. A major factor was Mr. Random's happiness. He's been truly miserable in this job. Quite frankly, he's not been happy since we moved here for my educational pursuits. He's worked one job or another for 4 years with the main requirement being income, not his own personal satisfaction or happiness. It's definitely time for him to be able to pursue something he'd enjoy. (if only he knew what that was...but that's likely another post - yes, he's not 100% sure this is a path he'll enjoy...yes, definitely another post). Also, there's the issue of daycare. It turns out part-time care costs more than full-time care (!!!) and would basically negate my income. Or halve Mr. Random's income. And things are pretty tight as it is. So - instead of scrimping and scraping by with Mr. Random in a job he hates and Baby Wiggles in daycare, we'll take turns caring for the little one and scrimp by with student loans. It doesn't make financial sense, but I really believe all 3 of us will be a lot happier for it. And that's definitely worth something.
Anyway, complicating factors is this raise in rent. It's going to make things even more difficult. So...do we stay? Do we move? I've looked into other properties. But we like the area we're in right now. Though our neighbors are somewhat noisy and there are somethings about the apartment (floorplan, and noisy vibrating AC unit) that I greatly dislike. We could probably rent a house for about $100 more per month than the new apartment rent. But that's yet another $100 we really don't have. And I do look forward to taking Wiggles to the pool this following summer.
What to do? More research probably...and it looks like I need a pro/con list.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Breather
I'm doing a lot better. *deep sigh of relief* Which is good, because that level of stress was surely not good for me or the baby that's trying so hard to grow and live. I have small fears that the stress was bad enough to cause a miscarriage and I just don't know it yet, but I'm trying to push that out of my mind. Because that surely won't help things.
So, basically, I called my parents and talked with both of them and my mom had a lot of ideas actually. And was very sympathetic. And...just such a good Mom. :) And from her suggestions we now have a plan. And that's all I really need to relax. A feasible plan. Yes, if we have to deviate from said plan, it'll likely stress me out, but until such a time, I can rest easier. And that's what I need right now.
What is this magical plan? Well, Mr. Random will still be trying to get more gainful employment. He's found a few opportunities he'll apply for this weekend, but one of them he thinks he has a pretty good shot at since he knows someone there, AND he's even excited about the job. So, that'd be ideal situation #1. He gets that job, it pays as much as we make combined now, and then I can, in fact, take Fall semester off. Cool. However, if he does not find more gainful employment, that is OK. I will take 6 online credits (2 classes) which makes me full time and thus I can take out student loans. And I will fund myself for the Fall. With debt. (but hey, beats cashiering) and stick my tongue out at my advisor as I do it, and do it well. :)
I told Mr. Random that I wanted to take classes regardless of his employment situation, mainly just to spite my department, but he said he'd prefer I take the semester off as he'd prefer our little olive spent as little time in care as possible. Awwwww. :) (it's the size of an olive this week) For the sake of the olive, I will give up my spite. Or, find a new outlet...
Advisor emailed me today to ask how things went with Director and what I'd found out. Ummm...I ran into you talking with him, you KNOW how it went, but I played along and told her that I was leaning toward a 3rd option that hadn't been discussed (the Plan as outlined above). She responded right away that I should not over-commit myself and that I "need and deserve" this time off. Uh huh...thanks for the vote of confidence. Thank you. What part of, it doesn't matter we couldn't afford it, do you not understand? She wants me to keep her posted. Thanks so much for your concern...
Honestly, one of the things that was upsetting me the most yesterday (besides the hormones that resulted in tears at least 3 separate times) was that she says she's supportive, but when it comes to anteing up and doing anything to help me out, she refuses. If she'd pay me an RA it'd solve a lot of the issues, as long as she was cool with paying my "6 weeks for nothing" maternity leave. She's not. That's not at all supportive. And when I present her with what WE feel is the best option for us, she's very negative and full of dire predictions of my impending "uselessness".
Oh well, I'm not going to take any more energy to dwell. Now that I've vented here, I'm ready to move on, do what's right for MY family, whatever option that winds up being, and if she continues to be full of dire warnings, I may just stick out my tongue and say Watch Me. Watch me prove you wrong. I'm nothing if not ornery and obstinate.
So, basically, I called my parents and talked with both of them and my mom had a lot of ideas actually. And was very sympathetic. And...just such a good Mom. :) And from her suggestions we now have a plan. And that's all I really need to relax. A feasible plan. Yes, if we have to deviate from said plan, it'll likely stress me out, but until such a time, I can rest easier. And that's what I need right now.
What is this magical plan? Well, Mr. Random will still be trying to get more gainful employment. He's found a few opportunities he'll apply for this weekend, but one of them he thinks he has a pretty good shot at since he knows someone there, AND he's even excited about the job. So, that'd be ideal situation #1. He gets that job, it pays as much as we make combined now, and then I can, in fact, take Fall semester off. Cool. However, if he does not find more gainful employment, that is OK. I will take 6 online credits (2 classes) which makes me full time and thus I can take out student loans. And I will fund myself for the Fall. With debt. (but hey, beats cashiering) and stick my tongue out at my advisor as I do it, and do it well. :)
I told Mr. Random that I wanted to take classes regardless of his employment situation, mainly just to spite my department, but he said he'd prefer I take the semester off as he'd prefer our little olive spent as little time in care as possible. Awwwww. :) (it's the size of an olive this week) For the sake of the olive, I will give up my spite. Or, find a new outlet...
Advisor emailed me today to ask how things went with Director and what I'd found out. Ummm...I ran into you talking with him, you KNOW how it went, but I played along and told her that I was leaning toward a 3rd option that hadn't been discussed (the Plan as outlined above). She responded right away that I should not over-commit myself and that I "need and deserve" this time off. Uh huh...thanks for the vote of confidence. Thank you. What part of, it doesn't matter we couldn't afford it, do you not understand? She wants me to keep her posted. Thanks so much for your concern...
Honestly, one of the things that was upsetting me the most yesterday (besides the hormones that resulted in tears at least 3 separate times) was that she says she's supportive, but when it comes to anteing up and doing anything to help me out, she refuses. If she'd pay me an RA it'd solve a lot of the issues, as long as she was cool with paying my "6 weeks for nothing" maternity leave. She's not. That's not at all supportive. And when I present her with what WE feel is the best option for us, she's very negative and full of dire predictions of my impending "uselessness".
Oh well, I'm not going to take any more energy to dwell. Now that I've vented here, I'm ready to move on, do what's right for MY family, whatever option that winds up being, and if she continues to be full of dire warnings, I may just stick out my tongue and say Watch Me. Watch me prove you wrong. I'm nothing if not ornery and obstinate.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Cracks
Well, it seems that as a graduate student it is my destiny to slip through the cracks. I'm not an employee so I don't get typical employee rights like FMLA. I'm not a student so I'm expected to work all breaks. It just sucks.
I met with our director. He's very nice. But apparently agrees with my advisor that I just "won't be able" to handle having a baby and going to school. Both of them think that I will be "useless" for at least a year. Nice. Further, while I showed him the policy regarding my 6 weeks leave, he says he has no way to pay for it. The only way would be if I had an RA, not a TA, and the person paying my RA didn't mind that I wasn't going to do work for 6 of the 15 weeks of the semester. Well, my advisor minds (she'd be the one paying for the RA). So...that seems to be that. He did say not to worry, we'd work it out. But I'm worrying. They really don't seem to understand that I CANNOT AFFORD to bring in no income for 5 months. Seriously, who can these days? My advisor knows we're short selling our house due to financial problems. What makes her think that somehow now we have a baby on the way miraculously we can afford to go without HALF our income? I just don't get it. And I'm so frustrated.
Director said he'd talk to Advisor and that I should find out about health insurance, because that was my other big issue. Well, health insurance we're pretty nice folk. If I sign up for 1 credit for continuing enrollment (thus taking the semester off option) then I can purchase my health insurance for the semester. So that's cool. If we can pay for it.
Later I ran into Director and Advisor chatting in the hall. I was a ways down but had a feeling I was the subject of the conversation. I was correct. They both re-emphasized how much they think the best option is for me to take the semester off. Because it's going to be so hard and I'm not going to be able to do anything. FINE. I GET IT. I know you don't think I do, and I know I'm naive and haven't been there yet, but what the frick people? I'm going to have to learn to balance it sooner or later. That's part of the gig. And at this point, unless Mr. Random gets a better job (and let's face it, 11% unemployment MEANS it's not easy, thanks for being sympathetic) then I see 2 options. 1: I continue as a full time student and they figure out some damn way to give me my 6 weeks, OR 2. would be, that I take the semester off, and then WORK AS A CASHIER somewhere. Or some other temp job. And try to afford care for the baby that way. It's just dumb. And they're all, well, if you were a student you'd have to get care to be able to get work done. Um. YEAH. And I could afford it b/c I could take out student loans!
UGGGGHHHH.
May I say, that I LOVE that they're being so helpful. I love that they're putting all this pressure on me in my "delicate condition". I love that they think so little of my abilities.
Honestly, it seems to me, that they're pushing so hard for me to take the semester off, because then they don't have to figure out how to give me my 6 weeks.
I know this is supposed to be an exciting and happy time. I wish it was. I can't honestly think about the baby at all. I'm so stuck worrying about the logistics. I'm not one of those people that can sit back and assume it will "all work out". I know it will, but I feel like I have to WORK to make it happen. Which is what I'm trying to do right now.
But then I worry that all this stress isn't healthy, and I know it isn't. So what the f*** am I supposed to do? I have no advocates here. I guess we just need Mr. Random to get a better paying job...he'd be happier that way too. But I almost think that's too easy on THEM, my department. They'd be all pleased as punch that THEIR advice, THEIR solution is the one I take and that they don't have to work out my maternity leave. I almost feel like sticking it out just to stick it to them. Regardless of what happens with Mr. Random's job. Oh yeah, I'm full of The Spite right now.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Maybe...Every Other Day
That seems a little more reasonable. And do-able.
Yesterday we busted our butts cleaning and re-arranging our house. Staging it, as it were. (that's what they call it in the biz) Yeah, we're no where near done. We have a lot of STUFF. The kind of clutter and personal items that we're supposed to expunge from the home. But...where do we put it?
And it's kind of heart breaking. It's been all well and good to talk about financially sound choices and decide things based on numbers, but when we get down to it. We're moving. We're selling our house. We won't get to live here any more. And that's sad!
But I remind myself we were going to leave eventually anyway. And now we get an extra adventure thrown in that we never expected. Maybe that will turn out to be the best kind...
Of course, the fact I loathe surprises doesn't help sell that idea...
Yesterday we busted our butts cleaning and re-arranging our house. Staging it, as it were. (that's what they call it in the biz) Yeah, we're no where near done. We have a lot of STUFF. The kind of clutter and personal items that we're supposed to expunge from the home. But...where do we put it?
And it's kind of heart breaking. It's been all well and good to talk about financially sound choices and decide things based on numbers, but when we get down to it. We're moving. We're selling our house. We won't get to live here any more. And that's sad!
But I remind myself we were going to leave eventually anyway. And now we get an extra adventure thrown in that we never expected. Maybe that will turn out to be the best kind...
Of course, the fact I loathe surprises doesn't help sell that idea...
Monday, November 30, 2009
Spilling My Guts
So, after not talking to anyone before making the decision to short sale the house - I promptly proceeded to tell nearly anyone who remotely asked how things were going. Ugh. I have GOT to learn to keep my mouth shut. Hopefully, I have, as this guilt settles in.
Of course, I think spilling my guts to my entire family and a few close friends is probably better than Mr. Man's approach - where he has not even told his own father. The dear man heard that we were going to Italy and responded with something to the effect that he was glad he no longer had to worry about us and our financial stability. Hah! Maybe he knows more than Mr. Man discloses...if not it's quite ironic.
While I do think it's appropriate for me to NOT tell the whole world about our situation - besides the Internets of course, there was a moment where I think it became entirely appropriate to spill it.
For Thanksgiving I got to go home and visit my family. Mr. Man couldn't come, which was sad -but worked out in the end because we're using his time off for Italy. Anyway, my cousin and my aunt (who live together - even though Cousin is 27) came down for dinner too. Don't get me wrong, it was great to see them. But they do have a few quirks that I find hard to stomach.
For instance, they firmly believe they are poor. And overtaxed. (these people have gone on 4 vacations this past year, once to Hawaii and 3 times to the Oregon coast, and they do NOT vacation cheaply; they've also renovated their home in multiple ways over the past several years; etc., etc. they are not, by any stretch, poor)
Well, as we were playing cards my cousin was lamenting over her finances and the fact that the government takes so much of her income. "it would be better to just be poor" Those were her words. I couldn't take it any longer. I was 98% sure that she made more than Mr. Man and I combined, and here she was lamenting her wealth because she has to pay taxes (like we ALL do, except, I suppose, the truly poor). So, I spilled my guts. I'm not good at confrontation, but I'm getting better. So to her "it would be better to just be poor" I responded, maybe...but then you might lose your house. LIKE I AM. The thing was...it was like it didn't register. So I went further - I asked her how much she makes. $50k per year, but the government takes $12k of that. Uh huh. So - honey, YOUR NET income is about $2k shy of my GROSS, combined, income with my husband. And let's get more detailed. She pays $300/month for her share of the mortgage on the house she shares with her mother. And they split the bills.
I'm sorry - how is it that you're poor? I don't care if I offend anyone reading this - if you make $50k per year and only have to pay $300 per month for your living expense, be it mortgage or rent, you ARE NOT, at all, poor. Okay? If you think you are, then just stop. Just look at what you spend your money on, and realize that some people don't know how they'll buy their next meal. And we're not talking a meal at Olive Garden...I mean potatoes. Or rice. You know, real poor people food.
The thing is - I don't think I'm that poor, really. Sure, I'm broke. And we have definitely cut back on niceties to try to make things work. But we're not poor. We have lived in a beautiful house for 2.5 years. We drive 2, very nice, one brand-new and one almost new cars. We CAN afford to eat fruits and veggies, even if we can't really afford to eat out. We CAN afford new clothes once in awhile, and we ARE going to Italy, for crying out loud! Oi. So, just know, that I know, despite our situation, I'm still very lucky and even though my bills currently outweigh my income, I'm not truly poor. And that's what I'm thankful for. As dire as our situation may look on paper, we're still living a very nice life. We're still together. And we're not selfish, careless, or foolish enough to believe that we are poor.
Of course, I think spilling my guts to my entire family and a few close friends is probably better than Mr. Man's approach - where he has not even told his own father. The dear man heard that we were going to Italy and responded with something to the effect that he was glad he no longer had to worry about us and our financial stability. Hah! Maybe he knows more than Mr. Man discloses...if not it's quite ironic.
While I do think it's appropriate for me to NOT tell the whole world about our situation - besides the Internets of course, there was a moment where I think it became entirely appropriate to spill it.
For Thanksgiving I got to go home and visit my family. Mr. Man couldn't come, which was sad -but worked out in the end because we're using his time off for Italy. Anyway, my cousin and my aunt (who live together - even though Cousin is 27) came down for dinner too. Don't get me wrong, it was great to see them. But they do have a few quirks that I find hard to stomach.
For instance, they firmly believe they are poor. And overtaxed. (these people have gone on 4 vacations this past year, once to Hawaii and 3 times to the Oregon coast, and they do NOT vacation cheaply; they've also renovated their home in multiple ways over the past several years; etc., etc. they are not, by any stretch, poor)
Well, as we were playing cards my cousin was lamenting over her finances and the fact that the government takes so much of her income. "it would be better to just be poor" Those were her words. I couldn't take it any longer. I was 98% sure that she made more than Mr. Man and I combined, and here she was lamenting her wealth because she has to pay taxes (like we ALL do, except, I suppose, the truly poor). So, I spilled my guts. I'm not good at confrontation, but I'm getting better. So to her "it would be better to just be poor" I responded, maybe...but then you might lose your house. LIKE I AM. The thing was...it was like it didn't register. So I went further - I asked her how much she makes. $50k per year, but the government takes $12k of that. Uh huh. So - honey, YOUR NET income is about $2k shy of my GROSS, combined, income with my husband. And let's get more detailed. She pays $300/month for her share of the mortgage on the house she shares with her mother. And they split the bills.
I'm sorry - how is it that you're poor? I don't care if I offend anyone reading this - if you make $50k per year and only have to pay $300 per month for your living expense, be it mortgage or rent, you ARE NOT, at all, poor. Okay? If you think you are, then just stop. Just look at what you spend your money on, and realize that some people don't know how they'll buy their next meal. And we're not talking a meal at Olive Garden...I mean potatoes. Or rice. You know, real poor people food.
The thing is - I don't think I'm that poor, really. Sure, I'm broke. And we have definitely cut back on niceties to try to make things work. But we're not poor. We have lived in a beautiful house for 2.5 years. We drive 2, very nice, one brand-new and one almost new cars. We CAN afford to eat fruits and veggies, even if we can't really afford to eat out. We CAN afford new clothes once in awhile, and we ARE going to Italy, for crying out loud! Oi. So, just know, that I know, despite our situation, I'm still very lucky and even though my bills currently outweigh my income, I'm not truly poor. And that's what I'm thankful for. As dire as our situation may look on paper, we're still living a very nice life. We're still together. And we're not selfish, careless, or foolish enough to believe that we are poor.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Sick to Our Stomachs
It's like the past 6 months we've been running around with our eyes closed shouting I can't see you! I can't see you! And if I can't see you...you're not there.
Wednesday, someone opened our eyes.
We met with a HUD approved mortgage counselor on Wednesday. I found them on the HUD website for AZ and contacted them, maybe 6 weeks ago. I was hoping to get help getting a loan modification. I'm pretty sure I've stated this before - but since Mr. Man lost his job and took the new one at less than half his old income - we can't afford our bills. We're in the hole roughly $700 every month. How have we been surviving? By taking out student loans, and closing our eyes to the insanity.
So, shortly after contacting the HUD agency and filling out their initial paperwork, I got word from my bank that they were (finally!) starting us down the path for a Making Home Affordable Modification. This is a fun story...(but this post is already too long, so I'll sum it up - basically, the bank keeps dicking with me. Yay!) The major points are these:
Starting from when I lost MY job in September 2008 I've been contacting our lender to see if we can get some sort of refinance or something (I had no idea about loan modification yet). At the time, there was nothing. I quickly found other employment and then went back to school in January of 2009. While not ideal financially, it put us back to roughly where we were when we first purchased the home. I make about $2k less per year than I did, but $2k per year is a very manageable deficit, so we were fine. And I stopped worrying over a refinance or modification.
Then, in May Mr. Man lost his job. So starting May 2009 I've been calling our lender at least once a week trying to get some work out. By then, I'd heard of Making Home Affordable and had been on the website and determined we were eligible! Great! Well, the Bank kept saying that they didn't know anything about the program. And because we continued to pay our mortgage, because that's what you're supposed to do, they really had no options for us.
Which brought us to August 2009, where I took out a LOT of student loans and Mr. Man got his new job. Our new combined income is less than his old income was. We're now making about 2/3's combined what we had when we purchased the house. And, are in the hole each month. So what do we do?
Normally, I'd sell the house. But the house is worth about $95k and we owe $182. Can't really sell when can't break even.
In September/October we decided, we'll just take out the loans and make it work until I graduate. I mean, at least we have that option, so we should take it. I'm pretty sure I wrote a post stating that. By doing that, we keep our credit in tact, our pride unharmed, and our heads held high.
Which brings us to November 2009. When we met with the HUD counselor. Who pointed out that our plan of taking out what will ultimately be about $80k in loans by the time I graduate, to stay in a house that we owe $182k on, that is only worth $95k, is not a financially sound plan. Further, we will need to move in 3-4 years for me to get a job upon graduation. Not, I will want to we will have to if I want to be a professor and to use my PhD (I do). This complicates things because he said that, conservatively, we're looking at 15 years in the house before the value goes back to what we owe. Just to break even. But that's the $182k. Not counting the additional $80k. I feel like most people say houses are always a good idea because they always have equity. NO THEY DO NOT!
So, what do we do? Do we "transition" now? Which means attempting a short sale. That's risky, because if we can't find a buyer or the bank doesn't agree to it, then our next option is a deed-in-lieu, and if they won't accept that, then we've backed ourselves into a corner and have to foreclose. We both have excellent credit. Are we willing to accept foreclosure?
If we choose to continue to attempt a modification - hoping that this HUD agency will actually accomplish it since I've been unable to on my own for over a year - then we have to hope and pray that something happens so that in four years we can actually sell the house. I mean, if it's not worth what we owe in four years, we'll be in the exact same situation of looking at a short sale. But without the government legislation that is around right now to help people in our shoes.
Truthfully, I want a short sell. It's the least harmful to our credit, we can feel "good" about ourselves trying to do the best thing for ourselves and not just "walking away". But, if we attempt it, it's not guaranteed. It's up to the bank.
And then after making up my mind on that I look at friends and family. I know everyone's lives seem perfect from the outside...but some of our friends and family really have great things going on. I'm happy for them, but then feel jealous and sad for me. Lame, I know. They're settled in their careers and making their houses into homes that they will live in for a long time. We're not in that position, but I kind of want to be. The truth is, we should never have bought the house in the first place. But when we bought it, we as people were very different. And the direction we had planned for our lives was very different. Shit happens. Plans change. So what do we do now?
I don't know what we'll do yet. Mr. Man is really stressed out by all of this. I think he's taking it harder than I am. Probably because this is coming at the same time that he's feeling dissatisfied with his new job and feeling like he needs a "career". But he's not sure what career interests him. He doesn't feel a passion for anything but police work - and the departments are not hiring right now. So what do we do?
I might add - that we feel 100% ridiculous that we bought a new car in September, and we're going to Rome in December. And then talking about possibly foreclosing. The fact of the matter is neither of those purchases (foolish as they may or may not be) are why we're considering a foreclosure. It is not that we made these purchases and now find ourselves without recourse. It's that we realized we may be sinking ourselves for the rest of our lives for a house. When instead, we could transition now, take advantage of the legislation set up to help us, and repair our credit over the next 3-4 years, so that when we do move for my job, and want to buy again, we'll be able to. Instead of delaying what seems inevitable, taking out a butt-load of more debt, and winding up in the exact same situation, but worse off, because the legislation won't be there, and we'll have to wait 3-4 years from THAT time, which will delay us from when we'd want to purchase. It seems like the best financial plan is to "transition" now. It's just crappy that everyone (friends & family) will probably assume it's because we're idiots and went to Rome. Even if we hadn't had that trip, we'd be in the exact same position right now.
So what do we do?
It sounds to me like we attempt the short sale and hope it works. And accept the possibility we may foreclose. And hope that that's the right decision...
Wednesday, someone opened our eyes.
We met with a HUD approved mortgage counselor on Wednesday. I found them on the HUD website for AZ and contacted them, maybe 6 weeks ago. I was hoping to get help getting a loan modification. I'm pretty sure I've stated this before - but since Mr. Man lost his job and took the new one at less than half his old income - we can't afford our bills. We're in the hole roughly $700 every month. How have we been surviving? By taking out student loans, and closing our eyes to the insanity.
So, shortly after contacting the HUD agency and filling out their initial paperwork, I got word from my bank that they were (finally!) starting us down the path for a Making Home Affordable Modification. This is a fun story...(but this post is already too long, so I'll sum it up - basically, the bank keeps dicking with me. Yay!) The major points are these:
Starting from when I lost MY job in September 2008 I've been contacting our lender to see if we can get some sort of refinance or something (I had no idea about loan modification yet). At the time, there was nothing. I quickly found other employment and then went back to school in January of 2009. While not ideal financially, it put us back to roughly where we were when we first purchased the home. I make about $2k less per year than I did, but $2k per year is a very manageable deficit, so we were fine. And I stopped worrying over a refinance or modification.
Then, in May Mr. Man lost his job. So starting May 2009 I've been calling our lender at least once a week trying to get some work out. By then, I'd heard of Making Home Affordable and had been on the website and determined we were eligible! Great! Well, the Bank kept saying that they didn't know anything about the program. And because we continued to pay our mortgage, because that's what you're supposed to do, they really had no options for us.
Which brought us to August 2009, where I took out a LOT of student loans and Mr. Man got his new job. Our new combined income is less than his old income was. We're now making about 2/3's combined what we had when we purchased the house. And, are in the hole each month. So what do we do?
Normally, I'd sell the house. But the house is worth about $95k and we owe $182. Can't really sell when can't break even.
In September/October we decided, we'll just take out the loans and make it work until I graduate. I mean, at least we have that option, so we should take it. I'm pretty sure I wrote a post stating that. By doing that, we keep our credit in tact, our pride unharmed, and our heads held high.
Which brings us to November 2009. When we met with the HUD counselor. Who pointed out that our plan of taking out what will ultimately be about $80k in loans by the time I graduate, to stay in a house that we owe $182k on, that is only worth $95k, is not a financially sound plan. Further, we will need to move in 3-4 years for me to get a job upon graduation. Not, I will want to we will have to if I want to be a professor and to use my PhD (I do). This complicates things because he said that, conservatively, we're looking at 15 years in the house before the value goes back to what we owe. Just to break even. But that's the $182k. Not counting the additional $80k. I feel like most people say houses are always a good idea because they always have equity. NO THEY DO NOT!
So, what do we do? Do we "transition" now? Which means attempting a short sale. That's risky, because if we can't find a buyer or the bank doesn't agree to it, then our next option is a deed-in-lieu, and if they won't accept that, then we've backed ourselves into a corner and have to foreclose. We both have excellent credit. Are we willing to accept foreclosure?
If we choose to continue to attempt a modification - hoping that this HUD agency will actually accomplish it since I've been unable to on my own for over a year - then we have to hope and pray that something happens so that in four years we can actually sell the house. I mean, if it's not worth what we owe in four years, we'll be in the exact same situation of looking at a short sale. But without the government legislation that is around right now to help people in our shoes.
Truthfully, I want a short sell. It's the least harmful to our credit, we can feel "good" about ourselves trying to do the best thing for ourselves and not just "walking away". But, if we attempt it, it's not guaranteed. It's up to the bank.
And then after making up my mind on that I look at friends and family. I know everyone's lives seem perfect from the outside...but some of our friends and family really have great things going on. I'm happy for them, but then feel jealous and sad for me. Lame, I know. They're settled in their careers and making their houses into homes that they will live in for a long time. We're not in that position, but I kind of want to be. The truth is, we should never have bought the house in the first place. But when we bought it, we as people were very different. And the direction we had planned for our lives was very different. Shit happens. Plans change. So what do we do now?
I don't know what we'll do yet. Mr. Man is really stressed out by all of this. I think he's taking it harder than I am. Probably because this is coming at the same time that he's feeling dissatisfied with his new job and feeling like he needs a "career". But he's not sure what career interests him. He doesn't feel a passion for anything but police work - and the departments are not hiring right now. So what do we do?
I might add - that we feel 100% ridiculous that we bought a new car in September, and we're going to Rome in December. And then talking about possibly foreclosing. The fact of the matter is neither of those purchases (foolish as they may or may not be) are why we're considering a foreclosure. It is not that we made these purchases and now find ourselves without recourse. It's that we realized we may be sinking ourselves for the rest of our lives for a house. When instead, we could transition now, take advantage of the legislation set up to help us, and repair our credit over the next 3-4 years, so that when we do move for my job, and want to buy again, we'll be able to. Instead of delaying what seems inevitable, taking out a butt-load of more debt, and winding up in the exact same situation, but worse off, because the legislation won't be there, and we'll have to wait 3-4 years from THAT time, which will delay us from when we'd want to purchase. It seems like the best financial plan is to "transition" now. It's just crappy that everyone (friends & family) will probably assume it's because we're idiots and went to Rome. Even if we hadn't had that trip, we'd be in the exact same position right now.
So what do we do?
It sounds to me like we attempt the short sale and hope it works. And accept the possibility we may foreclose. And hope that that's the right decision...
Monday, November 2, 2009
That'll be a No.
The hospital said No. We must pay the whole bill. Good-bye savings! It was so fun having you! Ironic really - if we'd spent it on fun stuff we'd have not had it and then maybe the hospital would have said yes and helped pay the bill. But because we were being responsible and had the savings, we got to spend it on the hospital bill instead. See why we're going to Rome on student loans? It's the way to do it apparently.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Despite appearances, we really are broke
Now, I've heard this a lot, even from members in my own extended family. And I think it's common. We all think we're lower middle-class...even if some of us really are much higher in that rather broad category than others. Whatever.
In our case though, it's true! More or less...I mean, if you take our monthly income and then subtract our bills, and then subtract our food and misc. expenses (which we've really tried to cut back on) you end up with a negative number. Like, $737 negative. That's a lot. And so we've taken out loans. Student loans, which is nice, but a LOT in loans. And we're making ends meet with that. And managing to buy a new car. And go to Rome.
Yup. Amazing isn't it? Rome, Italy for 3 full days right before Christmas of this year. We've already bought our plane tickets. And, for the most part, I'm just really excited. Mr. Man remarked at one point that it really took him getting fired for us to do this, and was noting the irony. When he had the old job we actually would have had enough money to swing such a DREAM of a vacation. But we never would have and did not while he was employed there. Why? 2 reasons, really. 1. it was impossible for him to get the time off. and 2. we were so worried about being responsible and doing the right thing and planning for our future and honestly, between socking money away for retirement, babies, rainy days, etc. you have very little left that is expendable. I say that as if we had socked money away for those things, when in fact we did not. We did sock some away...but not much, and not enough to cover any of those 3 categories.
So, what's different now that we're broke? I think we realized that there has to be balance. Yeah, you should be responsible (considering we're still paying our bills, I think we are) and debt sucks. Duh. But at the same time, what's the point of always saving, and never taking that dream trip...if all you have to show at the end is a lot of money in your bank account? Sure, that equals security and I do want to feel secure. But I also don't want to miss out on living. I've said it many times while in school, I'm tired of waiting for my life to begin. Well, at some point in the last year, we realized that's just a mindset. We're living our lives every day. So stop waiting, and start living.
And, we're realizing that even though we've done everything more or less right, we're still getting screwed by things beyond our control (the economy). I mean, we did all the research, we got a vanilla 30-yr fixed loan with a large and dependable bank...and now we're stuck in a house that is worth literally half what we owe on it with very few options. How is any of that our fault? It's not. That's the thing. It's not our fault, but it is our lot and we're stuck with it. So, even though you can do everything right, you can still get screwed over. Therefore...we're less concerned with doing everything right and more concerned with seizing opportunities and living life as it comes. Being responsible too, but really living for the present and enjoying what we do have.
And so we're going to Rome. It will be funded entirely by student loans (I just accepted an extra loan for spring that should cover the trip). And really, I feel good about it. I feel like it's the "right" thing and the "right" choice, amazingly enough. And...we always said we wanted to travel to Europe before having kids. Now we can. I think that may end up being important for our future happiness, so I'm glad we got the opportunity and seized it.
Besides, I feel it should be noted that we got an amazing deal. We're both flying round trip for less than a normal single round trip fair. Can't really beat that! It's like buy one get one free! We'll have 3 full days in Rome and part of a day in London (due to a LOOOONG lay-over). I think it's going to be Awesome.
In our case though, it's true! More or less...I mean, if you take our monthly income and then subtract our bills, and then subtract our food and misc. expenses (which we've really tried to cut back on) you end up with a negative number. Like, $737 negative. That's a lot. And so we've taken out loans. Student loans, which is nice, but a LOT in loans. And we're making ends meet with that. And managing to buy a new car. And go to Rome.
Yup. Amazing isn't it? Rome, Italy for 3 full days right before Christmas of this year. We've already bought our plane tickets. And, for the most part, I'm just really excited. Mr. Man remarked at one point that it really took him getting fired for us to do this, and was noting the irony. When he had the old job we actually would have had enough money to swing such a DREAM of a vacation. But we never would have and did not while he was employed there. Why? 2 reasons, really. 1. it was impossible for him to get the time off. and 2. we were so worried about being responsible and doing the right thing and planning for our future and honestly, between socking money away for retirement, babies, rainy days, etc. you have very little left that is expendable. I say that as if we had socked money away for those things, when in fact we did not. We did sock some away...but not much, and not enough to cover any of those 3 categories.
So, what's different now that we're broke? I think we realized that there has to be balance. Yeah, you should be responsible (considering we're still paying our bills, I think we are) and debt sucks. Duh. But at the same time, what's the point of always saving, and never taking that dream trip...if all you have to show at the end is a lot of money in your bank account? Sure, that equals security and I do want to feel secure. But I also don't want to miss out on living. I've said it many times while in school, I'm tired of waiting for my life to begin. Well, at some point in the last year, we realized that's just a mindset. We're living our lives every day. So stop waiting, and start living.
And, we're realizing that even though we've done everything more or less right, we're still getting screwed by things beyond our control (the economy). I mean, we did all the research, we got a vanilla 30-yr fixed loan with a large and dependable bank...and now we're stuck in a house that is worth literally half what we owe on it with very few options. How is any of that our fault? It's not. That's the thing. It's not our fault, but it is our lot and we're stuck with it. So, even though you can do everything right, you can still get screwed over. Therefore...we're less concerned with doing everything right and more concerned with seizing opportunities and living life as it comes. Being responsible too, but really living for the present and enjoying what we do have.
And so we're going to Rome. It will be funded entirely by student loans (I just accepted an extra loan for spring that should cover the trip). And really, I feel good about it. I feel like it's the "right" thing and the "right" choice, amazingly enough. And...we always said we wanted to travel to Europe before having kids. Now we can. I think that may end up being important for our future happiness, so I'm glad we got the opportunity and seized it.
Besides, I feel it should be noted that we got an amazing deal. We're both flying round trip for less than a normal single round trip fair. Can't really beat that! It's like buy one get one free! We'll have 3 full days in Rome and part of a day in London (due to a LOOOONG lay-over). I think it's going to be Awesome.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Update
I was reading over old posts and realized I needed to update a few things to bring this blog current. First, we heard from the police department. They canceled their test and are rescheduling it for next year. Basically they said they didn't anticipate any openings for the rest of the year. Which boils down to the crappy economy. We need TH to get this job because of the crappy economy, but it looks like he won't get it until the economy uncrappifies. Bummer. It's a blow to be sure - this is his DREAM job. But at least it wasn't a solid No. There's still a chance. So, we'll take it. Meanwhile, BBBB loves his current job, and that's a definite plus.
Additionally, we've decided to keep our current course. We'll keep taking out student loans and paying our bills. Our bank definitely says they're processing us for the modification, so hopefully that will pan out. If it does it'll save us $6,000 per year. Instead of -$700 per month, we'd be at -$200. How great would that be! We'd only need $2,400 in student loans to break even. A far cry better than what we need now. So we're still definitely hoping this works out for us.
And, like the last post said, we're going for it and letting nature take its course as far as pregnancy is concerned. Basically, after all my whining and complaining, I realized that I should be grateful I at least have the option to take out student loans. No, it's not ideal...but we could be a lot worse off.
We're still trying to get BBBB's medical bill sorted out. The hospital wants more paperwork. Since we technically have the amount in our savings we're nervous they'll want us to pay the full amount...I can't say I'd be surprised, but it is frustrating. I mean, when you look at our debt to income ratio we should not have any savings, and really all we have is from before TH lost his job. Taking a big chunk of that to pay medical bills with our current situation would mean we're out the money for a long time. And if for some reason I can't get student loans next year we're royally screwed as we'll have no safety net. I guess all we can do is ask...
Additionally, we've decided to keep our current course. We'll keep taking out student loans and paying our bills. Our bank definitely says they're processing us for the modification, so hopefully that will pan out. If it does it'll save us $6,000 per year. Instead of -$700 per month, we'd be at -$200. How great would that be! We'd only need $2,400 in student loans to break even. A far cry better than what we need now. So we're still definitely hoping this works out for us.
And, like the last post said, we're going for it and letting nature take its course as far as pregnancy is concerned. Basically, after all my whining and complaining, I realized that I should be grateful I at least have the option to take out student loans. No, it's not ideal...but we could be a lot worse off.
We're still trying to get BBBB's medical bill sorted out. The hospital wants more paperwork. Since we technically have the amount in our savings we're nervous they'll want us to pay the full amount...I can't say I'd be surprised, but it is frustrating. I mean, when you look at our debt to income ratio we should not have any savings, and really all we have is from before TH lost his job. Taking a big chunk of that to pay medical bills with our current situation would mean we're out the money for a long time. And if for some reason I can't get student loans next year we're royally screwed as we'll have no safety net. I guess all we can do is ask...
Monday, October 19, 2009
We're Going For It
So, I am finally ready to say, let's do it. Let's "try" for a baby. I've waffled on this for about a year now. I kept going back and forth. Meanwhile, for about 6 months now BBBB has been solidly "ready". So it's just been me holding up the show. :) Sounds about typical.
Basically, I've gone back and forth on a few things.
One is finances...we're so not really financially in a good place. We have some savings, but they're piddly. And we're taking out student loans to make ends meet. If everything stays the same until I graduate (2012 or 2013) then there's going to be a LOT of student loan debt at the end of this. Of course, a brief look over this blog will show you that the odds of things staying the same for 3 to 4 years are not very good. And I've been told more than once that if you're waiting until you have "enough" money, you'll be waiting forever. I believe them. Of course you should have some financial stability...and we kind of do.
Then there's the issue of age. I know full well that fertility peaks in your 20's and starts dwindling in your 30's. So...the longer we wait, theoretically, the worse our odds of conceiving a healthy baby. Additionally, we both want to be "young" enough to horse around with our kids when they're 10. BBBB's dad was 34 when he was born (he's the youngest) and that was old enough that he wasn't quite able to horse around. And he's in fairly decent shape. But he was in his mid-forties when BBBB was 10...
PLUS there's the additional knowledge that my own mother was 26 when she had me (I was her first) and that the average age today in the U.S. for first time mothers is 25! I'm behind the curve here! That being said, I feel a lot more patient, mature and ready at 26 than I was at 21, or even 25. So, while you don't want to be "too old" how old is old enough? Sometimes I still feel so young.
Of course there's also the factor of career. Some might scoff at my notion that my graduate education is my career, but as I want to be a professor it really is. This is my launching point. The research I do now will really help me land my future job. What I do now does influence my career, so I need to be sure I can have a baby and be able to manage the demands on my time between my career and a baby. Just like anyone else. The good news is, I should be done with classwork by next May - so while anytime this last year would have been difficult for having a baby, at this point I'm more or less in the clear. A plus for having a baby now is the argument that I'll be better able to balance a baby and my career when I'm in grad school and can have a rather flexible schedule and do a lot of work at home. This will not be the case when I start a new job, especially if I go tenure-track.
Another consideration, to be perfectly honest, is that I am SLOOOOW in the morning. And I don't do well on no sleep. How on earth will I manage with a new baby?
And then finally there's the "list". We don't really have a list, but we have talked multiple times about the things we want to accomplish before procreating. On this list are a lot of travel locations. With the overarching entry - AT LEAST go to Europe. We have not. With our current financial position, it is not likely we will go in the near future. While that's not a make-or-break, I can't help but think that if we can't go now, we'll certainly not be going with a new baby. I hear they're expensive. :)
So those were the major points in my waffling. Back and forth, back forth I'd weight the pros and cons of each issue. And some days I'd lean toward going for it. Other days I'd think I was crazy for ever considering it. Quite often I convince myself that I'm still quite YOUNG in reality. What's the rush?
So what happened? Did I have an epiphany? Maybe. But there was no "ah hah" moment. In fact, I don't even know when the decisiveness set in. Sometime in the last month. I just finally decided that now is the right time. And I feel peace with the decision, having made it. Which is always reassuring. And I feel excited!
That being said we're not planning to "time" things and go nuts trying to get preggo ASAP. Our decision to "go for it" means that we'll stop preventing and see where that gets us. Statistics say that should get us pregnant within a year 85% of the time. And that works for me. I do hope I'm pregnant by this time next year...truth be told, I'd even like a Fall Baby. So we'll see how it goes. Should be a fun and interesting ride.
Basically, I've gone back and forth on a few things.
One is finances...we're so not really financially in a good place. We have some savings, but they're piddly. And we're taking out student loans to make ends meet. If everything stays the same until I graduate (2012 or 2013) then there's going to be a LOT of student loan debt at the end of this. Of course, a brief look over this blog will show you that the odds of things staying the same for 3 to 4 years are not very good. And I've been told more than once that if you're waiting until you have "enough" money, you'll be waiting forever. I believe them. Of course you should have some financial stability...and we kind of do.
Then there's the issue of age. I know full well that fertility peaks in your 20's and starts dwindling in your 30's. So...the longer we wait, theoretically, the worse our odds of conceiving a healthy baby. Additionally, we both want to be "young" enough to horse around with our kids when they're 10. BBBB's dad was 34 when he was born (he's the youngest) and that was old enough that he wasn't quite able to horse around. And he's in fairly decent shape. But he was in his mid-forties when BBBB was 10...
PLUS there's the additional knowledge that my own mother was 26 when she had me (I was her first) and that the average age today in the U.S. for first time mothers is 25! I'm behind the curve here! That being said, I feel a lot more patient, mature and ready at 26 than I was at 21, or even 25. So, while you don't want to be "too old" how old is old enough? Sometimes I still feel so young.
Of course there's also the factor of career. Some might scoff at my notion that my graduate education is my career, but as I want to be a professor it really is. This is my launching point. The research I do now will really help me land my future job. What I do now does influence my career, so I need to be sure I can have a baby and be able to manage the demands on my time between my career and a baby. Just like anyone else. The good news is, I should be done with classwork by next May - so while anytime this last year would have been difficult for having a baby, at this point I'm more or less in the clear. A plus for having a baby now is the argument that I'll be better able to balance a baby and my career when I'm in grad school and can have a rather flexible schedule and do a lot of work at home. This will not be the case when I start a new job, especially if I go tenure-track.
Another consideration, to be perfectly honest, is that I am SLOOOOW in the morning. And I don't do well on no sleep. How on earth will I manage with a new baby?
And then finally there's the "list". We don't really have a list, but we have talked multiple times about the things we want to accomplish before procreating. On this list are a lot of travel locations. With the overarching entry - AT LEAST go to Europe. We have not. With our current financial position, it is not likely we will go in the near future. While that's not a make-or-break, I can't help but think that if we can't go now, we'll certainly not be going with a new baby. I hear they're expensive. :)
So those were the major points in my waffling. Back and forth, back forth I'd weight the pros and cons of each issue. And some days I'd lean toward going for it. Other days I'd think I was crazy for ever considering it. Quite often I convince myself that I'm still quite YOUNG in reality. What's the rush?
So what happened? Did I have an epiphany? Maybe. But there was no "ah hah" moment. In fact, I don't even know when the decisiveness set in. Sometime in the last month. I just finally decided that now is the right time. And I feel peace with the decision, having made it. Which is always reassuring. And I feel excited!
That being said we're not planning to "time" things and go nuts trying to get preggo ASAP. Our decision to "go for it" means that we'll stop preventing and see where that gets us. Statistics say that should get us pregnant within a year 85% of the time. And that works for me. I do hope I'm pregnant by this time next year...truth be told, I'd even like a Fall Baby. So we'll see how it goes. Should be a fun and interesting ride.
Friday, September 25, 2009
So, naturally, we bought a new car
In light of the previous post, that might seem crazy. Buying a new car I mean. Believe me, we think so too. We did not wake up yesterday intending to buy a new car. The thought never crossed our minds. BBBB had the day off and was taking in our 2000 Civic for it's 90,000 mile maintenance (it had around 92,300 on it).
This was going to be a $400 maintenance...we knew that going in. Thus why we hadn't done it yet. Turns out the car needed $500 in repairs to keep it functional, and more like a total of $800 in repairs to get it back into good shape...leaving us with a bill for the day of $1200. So I suggested TH march back to the dealer, ask them what we could get for the trade and if we could get the 2000 paid off (we still owed $2700 - we had purchased it used) and then get a new car for the same payment as the 2000 was ($245/month) then we'd take it. I was in and out of class all day, so he was mostly on his own.
He talked to the dealer, and looked at the Hyundai's next door for good measure. The short story is that we got a Blue (love it!) 2009 Civic for $300/month. Not quite as good as I'd been hoping, and initially I said nope. Not good enough. In the end we decided it was.
They gave us enough for the trade to pay off the balance owed. They didn't charge us for the maintenance or repairs (obviously). They threw in window tinting on the new car. And in the long-run, we think, *we hope*, it will have been the better financial choice.
It was definitely a weird day though. The whole experience was just stressful. The last time we bought a car, the last two times we bought a car, it had been exciting. And fun. And still a little stressful. This time was all stress. We really didn't know which was the better option. But as these weren't the first expensive repairs the car had incurred, and certainly wouldn't have been the last we thought we made the right choice. Plus we drive at least 60 miles roundtrip every day. That's a far enough distance we really do need a fuel-efficient and reliable vehicle. That's how we feel anyway.
So, we have a really nice, brand spanking new car. And we've firmly established ourselves as a Honda Civic Family. (we've now owned 3 separate Honda Civics together) I miss our little '00 - it was a stick and fun to drive, but "New Blue" is a pretty, pretty car. And I'm sure I'll learn to love it too.
This was going to be a $400 maintenance...we knew that going in. Thus why we hadn't done it yet. Turns out the car needed $500 in repairs to keep it functional, and more like a total of $800 in repairs to get it back into good shape...leaving us with a bill for the day of $1200. So I suggested TH march back to the dealer, ask them what we could get for the trade and if we could get the 2000 paid off (we still owed $2700 - we had purchased it used) and then get a new car for the same payment as the 2000 was ($245/month) then we'd take it. I was in and out of class all day, so he was mostly on his own.
He talked to the dealer, and looked at the Hyundai's next door for good measure. The short story is that we got a Blue (love it!) 2009 Civic for $300/month. Not quite as good as I'd been hoping, and initially I said nope. Not good enough. In the end we decided it was.
They gave us enough for the trade to pay off the balance owed. They didn't charge us for the maintenance or repairs (obviously). They threw in window tinting on the new car. And in the long-run, we think, *we hope*, it will have been the better financial choice.
It was definitely a weird day though. The whole experience was just stressful. The last time we bought a car, the last two times we bought a car, it had been exciting. And fun. And still a little stressful. This time was all stress. We really didn't know which was the better option. But as these weren't the first expensive repairs the car had incurred, and certainly wouldn't have been the last we thought we made the right choice. Plus we drive at least 60 miles roundtrip every day. That's a far enough distance we really do need a fuel-efficient and reliable vehicle. That's how we feel anyway.
So, we have a really nice, brand spanking new car. And we've firmly established ourselves as a Honda Civic Family. (we've now owned 3 separate Honda Civics together) I miss our little '00 - it was a stick and fun to drive, but "New Blue" is a pretty, pretty car. And I'm sure I'll learn to love it too.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Financial Woes and Related Stress
So much has been going through my head lately. So many things have been frustrating. So often I find myself feeling like a victim of circumstances beyond my control. I HATE that feeling. To make it worse, I know that I am personally responsible for how I feel. No one can MAKE me feel anything - I choose to respond to these situations in this way. While I may know that's the common pyscho-theory on the matter...it's not so easy to change how I feel.
Let's re-cap, shall we?
My husband was fired in May for an incident that occurred in April. This incident involved him getting stabbed IN THE NECK by a shoplifter. He was fired because he should not have been involved with the shoplifter in the first place. Granted. But one of his employees had run after them and started an altercation - in a moment of indecision he was hit over the shoulder with a large brandy bottle by one shoplifter while his employee grappled with the other (he was a manager, and thus responsible for this employee's safety). What would you have done? Walked away and called the cops from a safe distance? Stayed where you were when the employee ran off and watched from a safe distance? I hope not. What would you have wanted him to do if the employee in the altercation was one of YOUR loved ones? I hate that MY loved one got into such a dangerous situation, but I also hate that we've become bystanders. We'd rather watch people break the law and potentially hurt others than get involved and risk personal injury or lawsuit. When did we get so lazy? It was 2 shoplifters. If all of the employees worked together they'd be outnumbered! When did we start letting the infractious few run the show? I could go on, but this rant isn't the point here. So, TH was fired. Which left us...royally screwed financially.
Let's be clear, I am a Ph.D. student in Geography. I make money doing this; yes, that's right! They PAY me to go to school, pay for my tuition AND pay for my health insurance. Wild, I know. But, the pay isn't much. Certainly not enough to pay our bills, even with the pittance of unemployment benefits BBBB received after being fired. It would have been easy enough, then, to have just stopped paying the mortgage, and walked away from our house. We love our house - it's beautiful, but it's almost 50% underwater. Not so pretty there. Did we stop paying our mortage then? Nope, we did not. We cut back on everything. Raised the thermostat so it was ungodly hot during the day and just barely liveable at night. We started really planning our grocery trips and LIVING on leftovers. Eating out was allowed once a month, and then only some place cheap. We cut back, we made it work. And in August TH found a job!
He's now working that job - it's a bank teller position. He loves it. Which is fantastic, as he had hated the other job. The catch? This job pays literally half what he made before. Our current combined income is LESS than his salary at the old job was alone. We took out student loans to make up the difference this semester. I can't fathom doing that again. But for now, we're still current on all of our financial obligations. Yup, wild, I know.
Why would we do this? When the rest of the world seems to be giving up in even easier circumstances? Well, three reasons really. One is integrity. We took out the loan...we feel we should do anything in our power to keep up our end of the obligation. We don't feel we're ENTITLED to the house or even to taking out a loan. We got the loan based on good credit - we'd like to preserve that credit. Two - TH would like to be a police officer. Defaulting on a loan won't help that goal, especially right now when it's so competitive and cities mostly aren't hiring. And three - we really do love our house. It's terribly saddening to think of giving it up.
But here we are - taking out debt (student loans) to pay debt. It's insane. Meanwhile, we have been trying to get our bank to modify our loan. Normally, we'd try to sell the house in a situation where we could no longer afford it, but in this economy and being so far underwater, there's no way it'll happen.We qualify for one of the government programs, but the bank has been less than co-operative. Supposedly, as of yesterday, we are finally being "processed". We'll see where that gets us.
So, here's where we stand. TH has applied to be a police officer, and should find out this week if he's invited to test. If he is not, then we will most likely foreclose on the house. Even if we got the modification we'd still be strapped financially. And as TH put it - we'd be sinking all of our money into the house, which is still upside down, instead of ENJOYING life and LIVING AND saving for retirement (which we really need to start doing). It just doesn't make sense. If he IS invited to test...well, then there's a lot more waiting. We wait to see if he makes it through the testing process. And if he does? Well, he'll make a lot more money than we're making now. We could probably afford to keep the house. But should we? 45% updside down people. It's a tough call...we could do some really important things with the money we'd save by living somewhere else (ie save for retirement by living in an apartment).
I think it all comes down to what I want to do when I graduate - which should be spring of 2012 or 2013. Probably 2013. If I want to be a full fledge professor at a university, we'll need to be able to move then. Will our house have re-gained enough value for us to sell? Hard to say...but probably not. Not in 3-4 years. MAYBE, just maybe, we'd be able to break even...but then we're still out all the money with nothing to show for it. No money saved for retirement. Just our integrity and credit intact. No small things, for sure...but...I don't know. IF, instead, I'm okay with teaching at the community colleges so that TH can work with his police department for 5-10 years...well, then maybe we stay in the house. In 5 to 10 years it's a lot more likely the housing market will have recovered enough to *maybe* make it worth our while. At least in light of the fact we'd keep our credit score and integrity. Maybe. But I don't know if I'd be happy with teaching at the community colleges. It's fun...but will that stall my career permanently? Would I then find it impossible to work at a university, if in 5-10 years I wanted to do so?
Lots of questions for us to think about. But first, we need to know if TH will even be invited to test...
Meanwhile, as if all that wasn't enough to worry about, we've been dealing with our state government trying to get an application through for government health insurance for TH. While he was unemployed and uninsured (we couldn't afford COBRA, sorry...we were trying to pay the mortgage) he developed a BAD ear infection and went to the ER. The bill is $1200. That's after they reduced it some. And on top of the $145 we paid the Urgent Care for them to tell us - "we can't treat him, take him to the ER". Well, let's just say that if our dealings with this government entity are anything like what the proposed health reform will cause - we're all going to be royally screwed when it comes to health care. It's been a 3-ring circus dealing with these people!
The first document we got from them after our application was sent in had a mailing date printed ON THE LETTER of 8/6/09. In the letter it said we had to contact them by July 31, 2009 or be denied our claim. WTF? It's been like that ever since. We're requesting a fair hearing, but will probably just end up seeing what the hospital can do for us because it's gotten absolutely ridiculous and neither of us has the time to deal with these people.
Meanwhile, this was our original timeline for starting to "try" for a baby. Yeah...not exactly the most reasonable thing to try for now, is it? And yet...it feels so unfair and frustrating that we have to put that on hold for this other BS. What is more important than having kids? Well, obviously we want to have kids in a responsible way (or else we probably wouldn't have waited this long, right?) but seriously! We're not getting any younger...
Let's re-cap, shall we?
My husband was fired in May for an incident that occurred in April. This incident involved him getting stabbed IN THE NECK by a shoplifter. He was fired because he should not have been involved with the shoplifter in the first place. Granted. But one of his employees had run after them and started an altercation - in a moment of indecision he was hit over the shoulder with a large brandy bottle by one shoplifter while his employee grappled with the other (he was a manager, and thus responsible for this employee's safety). What would you have done? Walked away and called the cops from a safe distance? Stayed where you were when the employee ran off and watched from a safe distance? I hope not. What would you have wanted him to do if the employee in the altercation was one of YOUR loved ones? I hate that MY loved one got into such a dangerous situation, but I also hate that we've become bystanders. We'd rather watch people break the law and potentially hurt others than get involved and risk personal injury or lawsuit. When did we get so lazy? It was 2 shoplifters. If all of the employees worked together they'd be outnumbered! When did we start letting the infractious few run the show? I could go on, but this rant isn't the point here. So, TH was fired. Which left us...royally screwed financially.
Let's be clear, I am a Ph.D. student in Geography. I make money doing this; yes, that's right! They PAY me to go to school, pay for my tuition AND pay for my health insurance. Wild, I know. But, the pay isn't much. Certainly not enough to pay our bills, even with the pittance of unemployment benefits BBBB received after being fired. It would have been easy enough, then, to have just stopped paying the mortgage, and walked away from our house. We love our house - it's beautiful, but it's almost 50% underwater. Not so pretty there. Did we stop paying our mortage then? Nope, we did not. We cut back on everything. Raised the thermostat so it was ungodly hot during the day and just barely liveable at night. We started really planning our grocery trips and LIVING on leftovers. Eating out was allowed once a month, and then only some place cheap. We cut back, we made it work. And in August TH found a job!
He's now working that job - it's a bank teller position. He loves it. Which is fantastic, as he had hated the other job. The catch? This job pays literally half what he made before. Our current combined income is LESS than his salary at the old job was alone. We took out student loans to make up the difference this semester. I can't fathom doing that again. But for now, we're still current on all of our financial obligations. Yup, wild, I know.
Why would we do this? When the rest of the world seems to be giving up in even easier circumstances? Well, three reasons really. One is integrity. We took out the loan...we feel we should do anything in our power to keep up our end of the obligation. We don't feel we're ENTITLED to the house or even to taking out a loan. We got the loan based on good credit - we'd like to preserve that credit. Two - TH would like to be a police officer. Defaulting on a loan won't help that goal, especially right now when it's so competitive and cities mostly aren't hiring. And three - we really do love our house. It's terribly saddening to think of giving it up.
But here we are - taking out debt (student loans) to pay debt. It's insane. Meanwhile, we have been trying to get our bank to modify our loan. Normally, we'd try to sell the house in a situation where we could no longer afford it, but in this economy and being so far underwater, there's no way it'll happen.We qualify for one of the government programs, but the bank has been less than co-operative. Supposedly, as of yesterday, we are finally being "processed". We'll see where that gets us.
So, here's where we stand. TH has applied to be a police officer, and should find out this week if he's invited to test. If he is not, then we will most likely foreclose on the house. Even if we got the modification we'd still be strapped financially. And as TH put it - we'd be sinking all of our money into the house, which is still upside down, instead of ENJOYING life and LIVING AND saving for retirement (which we really need to start doing). It just doesn't make sense. If he IS invited to test...well, then there's a lot more waiting. We wait to see if he makes it through the testing process. And if he does? Well, he'll make a lot more money than we're making now. We could probably afford to keep the house. But should we? 45% updside down people. It's a tough call...we could do some really important things with the money we'd save by living somewhere else (ie save for retirement by living in an apartment).
I think it all comes down to what I want to do when I graduate - which should be spring of 2012 or 2013. Probably 2013. If I want to be a full fledge professor at a university, we'll need to be able to move then. Will our house have re-gained enough value for us to sell? Hard to say...but probably not. Not in 3-4 years. MAYBE, just maybe, we'd be able to break even...but then we're still out all the money with nothing to show for it. No money saved for retirement. Just our integrity and credit intact. No small things, for sure...but...I don't know. IF, instead, I'm okay with teaching at the community colleges so that TH can work with his police department for 5-10 years...well, then maybe we stay in the house. In 5 to 10 years it's a lot more likely the housing market will have recovered enough to *maybe* make it worth our while. At least in light of the fact we'd keep our credit score and integrity. Maybe. But I don't know if I'd be happy with teaching at the community colleges. It's fun...but will that stall my career permanently? Would I then find it impossible to work at a university, if in 5-10 years I wanted to do so?
Lots of questions for us to think about. But first, we need to know if TH will even be invited to test...
Meanwhile, as if all that wasn't enough to worry about, we've been dealing with our state government trying to get an application through for government health insurance for TH. While he was unemployed and uninsured (we couldn't afford COBRA, sorry...we were trying to pay the mortgage) he developed a BAD ear infection and went to the ER. The bill is $1200. That's after they reduced it some. And on top of the $145 we paid the Urgent Care for them to tell us - "we can't treat him, take him to the ER". Well, let's just say that if our dealings with this government entity are anything like what the proposed health reform will cause - we're all going to be royally screwed when it comes to health care. It's been a 3-ring circus dealing with these people!
The first document we got from them after our application was sent in had a mailing date printed ON THE LETTER of 8/6/09. In the letter it said we had to contact them by July 31, 2009 or be denied our claim. WTF? It's been like that ever since. We're requesting a fair hearing, but will probably just end up seeing what the hospital can do for us because it's gotten absolutely ridiculous and neither of us has the time to deal with these people.
Meanwhile, this was our original timeline for starting to "try" for a baby. Yeah...not exactly the most reasonable thing to try for now, is it? And yet...it feels so unfair and frustrating that we have to put that on hold for this other BS. What is more important than having kids? Well, obviously we want to have kids in a responsible way (or else we probably wouldn't have waited this long, right?) but seriously! We're not getting any younger...
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