Religion

Touchy subject. One I've pondered off and on lately. I've a cousin who is LDS, and she's off on a mission. I'm having a baby - I think I want the little one baptized...but why?

I used to be VERY religious. Well, for awhile my family wasn't, then I got way motivated for my church, the Catholic Church, and was really religious. Then it started to fade...I became a non-practicing member...then I got married by a Lutheran pastor because we wanted to be married outside...and somewhere along the way I'd say I've transitioned to a non-practicing Lutheran. I just...fell out of love with the Catholic church. I guess that's how I'd describe it.

But I maintain that I've been spiritual the whole time. It's not been a question of not believing or having faith...it's been a question of not believing in Church.

There are a lot of things that go into this. An old boyfriend for whom it was overwhelmingly important that I "accept Christ into my heart, as my Saviour" or else I'd be damned for all eternity and clearly we couldn't date. I always had issue with the wording. What's with this, "accept" like it's a one time thing? You can have a moment of whatever, jump up, declare yourself SAVED, and you're in? I totally, 100% don't personally jive with that. I don't see it as a one-time thing, past tense, you're saved. I see it as a life-long relationship.

But I get more complicated...because in some ways I'm not even sure I swing Christian anymore. See, I'm all about striving to be more Christ-like in my behavior...but you can follow other religions and achieve that same outcome. Heaven help us, some of the absolutely rudest drivers I've seen have Christian stickers on their back windows.

And there's the mission thing. I really DON'T believe that people have to follow one religion to "got to heaven", reach nirvana, not burn in hell. Whatever you want to call it. I feel like there a ton of different religions, because there are a ton of different people. Just like we all have different taste in music and food, we'll have different tastes in pondering the Great Beyond. There's no one-size fits all here. And, honestly, I think that's as God intended it. Else he'd have made us all a lot more alike.

And truthfully, it seems MOST religions tend to agree on major points. If you get past all the distracting details about names and number of Gods and such. But then, I'm not Christian if I think that am I? I don't know.

Yet I still want Random Jr. to be baptized. As a baby. Probably in the Lutheran Church. Why? Catholic upbringing? Seems like the right thing? I have no idea, it just is something I think we should do.

Lots to ponder still...

Maternity Pillows

Have you ever tried one of those things? I don't get them.

Mr. Random was so sweet and surprised me one day recently by buying me one (and ice cream). Totally out of the blue! He told me he didn't know anything about them, so he bought the most expensive one. :) It was by Boppy and it really seemed great...but I couldn't work out how to turn over with it, without completely waking up trying to re-arrange the thing, while fighting the covers which were trying desperately to pin me and the pillow down. We wound up returning it. I have a nest system with about 4 pillows going that works fairly well...I really liked the concept of the maternity pillow but it wasn't at all worth the fight to turn over when I turn probably 10 times a night (I'm guessing).

Maybe I was doing it wrong?

I'm Baaaacckkkk

For serious, I think I am. I'm feeling the regular blog-post mojo flowing again. For a long time I wasn't feeling it (OBVIOUSLY) and I think it's because I got out of my collecting habit. Like, in everything. We moved to the new apartment and I was getting rid of stuff I've held onto for 10 years or more. There just wasn't room. And somehow that new found freedom crept over into my blogging habits too. I really meant it when I described this as a place to "collect" my thoughts, apparently.

Well, I'm back to collecting them.

And what better place to start than a rant on my favorite topic to rant about: traffic. It seriously is the one common thing in my life that consistently gets my panties in a bunch. Ruffles my feathers. Seriously PISSES ME OFF. It may be that there is a disproportionately large number of bad drivers here in Phoenix, but I have a new theory. And it's that we ever let the "me-generation" behind the wheel.

Because, while feeling special and unique and "mommy loves you most" all the time might (but I doubt it) help you in other parts of daily life, it does NOT, in any way, help you or anyone else with driving. It will be Mr. Random's job to teach our young how to drive. And I find myself hoping that he teaches them, not to be safe drivers, but to drive like intelligent human beings. Because NO ONE does, but maybe if we start with our offspring, we'll have made the world a better place. But back to my theory - you see, the problem is, that everyone drives selfishly, like they're God's gift and everyone should flow around him. And God love us, we try. But if, INSTEAD, everyone, for one moment, focused on the good of the many, instead of the good of themselves, and just tried to focus on keeping a maximum efficient flow, we'd ALL WIN.

Don't fear, I'm part of this me-generation, and while I'm comfortably assured of my special specialness in other parts of my life, I like to think I'm part of the many when it comes to driving. As in, what's good for most drivers, will also benefit me. That's why I leave a gap when you're trying to merge into my lane - you're welcome. That's why I match whatever redonkulous speed you're driving in the left lane when I'm in the left lane because it becomes the exit lane...which will cause you to promptly slam on your brakes to try to re-enter the lane to your right when you figure it out at the last possible frickin second - never mind that there was signage for 3 miles prior to that point.

Maybe it's the geoscientist in me, but if we all just treated freeways and roadways like what they are - flow networks - and tried our hardest to not impede the general flow...we'd all get home a lot sooner.

And finally, for the surface streets: to you idiots that INSIST on crossing in the middle of the road, when there's a perfectly good cross walk a quarter mile or less down the road. I no longer have sympathy. I used to feel guilty when I didn't stop for you. No longer. I stopped for one of you today. And it was wrong of me to do so. I quickly figured it out. Why? Because I stopped the fricking flow of the road, and the good of the many, for your sorry ass. And you didn't even appreciate it. From now on, when I see such a sorry person standing in the suicide lane no where near a cross walk, I am not stopping. And I am no longer feeling bad about it. Not even when you drag your young out there with you. Darwin my friends. Darwin.

A well thought out decision

Does this mean I'm getting old? I've made a decision that took me years to make. Years! I feel like I'd heard of people taking years to decide things before and thinking that was just assinine. I mean, how could it take that long to decide something? In this case, obviously, there was no deadline. And it's not an earth-shattering decision.

I just, finally, decided which season is my favorite: Fall. In particular, I think my favorite month is October. The last part isn't firmly decided yet...September is making a good run for October's money.

In some ways this might seem funny, because I think Easter is my favorite holiday. Easter or Christmas, with Halloween firmly in third place. But I really do love everything about Fall. Even the pseudo version of the season we experience here in the southwest.

Loan Modification

We recently had a garage sale at our house. No, it has not sold yet, but it is reportedly still being shown. Here's hoping someone makes an offer before the auction date! We've been receiving notices that it will be auctioned this July. GREAT. That's before the baby comes, PLEASE, by all means, do what you have to do. Let's get this done.

But when we were at the house for the garage sale we found another piece of mail on the counter. Something that'd been FedExed...from the bank. I thought it would be another notice about the auction. It was not.

It started with the words "Dear Mr. & Mrs. Random, thank you for your recent phone call..."

Huh?

I haven't talked to the bank in at least a month. I stopped trying because until we have an offer on the house, they don't give a rat's behind. Reading further it became apparent that this was not a notice of auction, but in fact, an invitation and application for a loan modification. Through the Making Home Affordable program.

What. The. Hell.?

I called you for a year requesting this. I last called you regarding this matter in OCTOBER, at which time I was promised the very papers in my hot little hand within 45 calendar days. On the 45th day I signed the papers to sell the house. You're a BIT behind the times. "recent phone call", huh? By who's standards? That was SIX months ago. Further, I've submitted the documents you want and the application forms multiple times, both by fax, and certified mail. I'll be damned if I'm doing it again.

Unfortunately, we decided FIVE months ago - when no modification materials appeared - to let the house go, either by short sale or foreclosure, whichever happened first. Further, Mr. Random's new job makes living in the house unfeasible.

But thanks. We really appreciate the offer.

If you are hoping to get a loan modification for yourself - apparently, you have to miss your payments. Like, 4 of them. And wait until they've started foreclosure proceedings, and your credit is in the toilet. Then, and only then, will the Bank begin to think that maybe offering a modification might be a good option. Good to know.

He made it

So, Mr. Random made it to the OB appointment and ultrasound. In fact he drove me to the appointment. We got there 3 minutes before the scheduled time. The whole thing kind of had a gray cloud over it though. First because I was so upset and stressed out, which in turn added to Mr. Random's already high level of stress, and then because I was calling the doctor right before he picked me up to go to the appointment to tell them I might be 5 to 10 minutes late. I thought that was the right thing to do, and depending on traffic seemed very likely.

I was a bit miffed when the receptionist responded with, "well...like, I'll let them know but I, like, can't guarantee anything....you, like, should try to be here on time". Ummm. Yeah. That was the plan Sweetie. The most irritating thing is that this is the same office that mysteriously "deleted" a doc appointment I had after my first ultrasound and had to "squeeze" me in resulting in a 30 minute delay for me and then at another appointment didn't call me back until 45 minutes after my scheduled appointment time. I'm sorry, I'm giving you a heads up (more than you ever gave me) that I might be 5-10 minutes late and you're giving me shit? This also pissed Mr. Random off. Great.

I had had such visions of us spending the afternoon together, going to the ultrasound, excitedly seeing our baby looking like a baby for the first time. Yeah, that was not our afternoon. Instead, Mr. Random worked late, we rushed to the appointment both in snits, got crap from the office, and then went back for the ultrasound. It was cool, don't get me wrong. And I think helped adjust our attitudes. But it could have been a better experience. On the plus side, Mr. Random picked up really quickly on what we were looking at on the screen. Maybe ultrasound tech will be his back up career plan. :)

We did not find out the sex - Mr. Random was firm in his desire to be surprised at birth, and we always said we'd both have to want to know to find out, so we didn't. Other than that, we saw pretty much everything. Parts of the brain, all the valves and chambers of the heart, the stomach, the bladder, the kidneys, and 2 adorable feet crossed over each other. It was crazy to realize that little tiny person was inside my uterus!

Baby was head down and my placenta is posterior, which should mean that we'll see feet and all kinds of crazy movement in the front. And my cervix was nice and long at 3.9cm, which all adds up to good healthy pregnancy!

I was concerned about my weight gain. 17 pounds so far! Yikes!!!! But the doctor said not to worry, and keep eating like I've been eating. Okay.....if you say so...:-/ The plus side is that I have no idea where the 17 pounds are! I mean, my boobs are gigantic, my stomach looks like I swallowed a cantaloupe whole, but beyond that...the rest of my body looks pretty much the same. Anyway, I don't feel very good when I go long periods of time without food (due to business) so I'll follow the doctor's orders and keep eating!

Next up, trying to blog here more regularly, and about things besides pregnancy and baby!

Frustrated...Sad

So, in a little over an hour, I have an appointment for my "big" ultrasound. The anatomy scan. The one where you can find out if your little one is a boy or a girl if you're so inclined. The one where you can find out if something is seriously wrong...or more hopefully, that everything looks perfect! It's kind of a big deal. I think it's become something of a right of passage of modern pregnancy.

When I made my first OB appointment I discussed with Mr. Random which appointments he wanted to come to, and which ones I wanted him to come to. We both agreed that we'd like him at as many as possible...but realized he probably couldn't make everyone. I told him the big scan was the only one that really mattered to me. Any others would be icing on the cake.

Well, he went to work an hour early with the plan to get off at 2pm. It is now 2:15 pm...and he's still working. Why? Because he got a client on the phone that he has a good chance of getting to sign up. He needs to get a certain number of people signed up each session, and has yet to get a single one. Which I know frustrates him. And he wants so badly to do well at this job. And I'm sure, in his head, he thinks that by staying at work he's choosing his family. To support them by succeeding and providing an income.

But I don't see it that way. At all. Even if he were to get fired (which could happen if he doesn't get enough clients)...he'd find something else. I just feel like going to this appointment with me is so much more important. And. I'm hormonal. And crying.

I'm just so frustrated. And sad.