Surprises

Have I mentioned I don't like surprises?  It's true.  I generally do not like to be surprised.  If you tell me that I'm going to be surprised, then I usually like it - but often that makes people think there's no point.  I disagree but there we are.

Lately, I'm feeling down about the surprises in my life.

Wiggles seems to be self-weaning.  I feel like I read too many of the You-Must-Breastfeed-Your-BABEE-until-he's-at-least-two-or-you're-an-awful-person websites.  It's really effected my outlook.  In a bad way.  I mean, I said going in that I'd try my best to breastfeed and we'd just take it as it went.  I knew from friends' tough experiences that it's a team effort and a lot can go wrong.  I lucked out in that my teammate (Wiggles) was/is a champion breastfeeder and we were off to the races from the start.  I've often been asked how long I'd breastfeed and I always answered - we'll take it as it goes.  But, the goal is to make it 1 year.

Well...that may have been what I was saying, but now faced with the reality that we may be finishing up sooner than later...I realize that I was thinking something else.  I was thinking we'd keep breastfeeding our way to his 1 year birthday, and THEN we'd start this whole weaning thing.  And that we'd probably keep up with morning and/or nighttime feedings for the next 6 months or so.

And as much as I've wanted to the freedom of not being chained to a baby or a pump every 3-6 hours...I feel sad.  And I'm a bit surprised by all of this.  And I worry that my baby isn't reeealllly self weaning at 9 months.  I mean, according to those websites it seems unlikely.  They make it sound like babies want to breastfeed until they're 5 and it's our messed up society that prevents them.  Maybe.  But I've been doing everything right...and just following Wiggles' lead.  And he's leading us to less booby time.  And I'm learning to realize that's okay.