Sensitive Topics

I believe I've blogged about this before.  But it's come up again and I've had more thoughts about it, and since this is the place to collect my thoughts, it's time for an update!

It's a sensitive topic and I hope I don't offend anyone with my opinions.  If I do, well...I guess it can't be helped. This is what I really think, for better or for worse.

I have a family member, a cousin, who is about my age, single and also female.  She's been hearing the tick-tock of her biological clock for awhile now and we've talked about it from time to time in the past.  She's an only child, this cousin, raised by her mother and conceived via artificial insemination.  Does her manner of conception matter?  I didn't used to think so.  In fact, as a child, it never really occurred to me to question it.  She just didn't have a dad and that was just how it was.  I never wondered where he was, or how she came to be without him. Now, however, I feel the lack of a father figure has been kind of a sad lack for her life.  She doesn't think so - but I do.  Because she's never had the opportunity to build a daughter-father relationship.  She's only built a somewhat odd relationship with her mother - who, by the by, is not so keen on the men folk.  She's straight, I think, but a bit of a man-hater.  This has rubbed off on her daughter.

So, what am I blabbering on about?  Well, this cousin is nearing 30, still single, and wanting children.  She wants to have children via artificial insemination.  Now I'm getting to the point.  The idea of her having kids via artificial insemination doesn't sit well with me.  To be clear, I do believe that everyone should have the right to decide for themselves, but I guess I just don't agree with her decision.  I don't think that I have any right to tell her that or to prevent her from following her plans, but the fact remains...it seems like a poor decision to me.

But why?

I've struggled with understanding the why for some time.  Is it because I'm traditional?  Ingrained with societal ideas of what a "family" ought to be?

It might be all of that or none of that.  I'm not entirely sure.  But my new thought on the matter was this: one problem I have with it is her lack of relationships with others.  I feel that a parent's relationship with their child (and this is based on my very, very limited experience parenting one baby boy) is not automatic.  Parts of it are...but parts of it have to be worked at, built up between the individuals involved.  And I feel that my ability to successfully build a positive relationship with my son has been very much enhanced by my previous experiences building relationships with my siblings, both parents, and finally my husband.  I use lessons learned from that variety of experience to guide my efforts with my son.  My cousin, sadly, does not have that variety of experience.  She doesn't have 2 parents, any siblings, or a spouse.  Her significant relationship building has been with her mother.  And that's it.  Does that mean she'll be any less successful?  Not necessarily.  Does that mean she shouldn't have kids?  No...I don't think that either.  The real problem I have is that I think she's selling herself short.  This is the easy way out for her.  Rather than putting herself out there and trying to meet someone and build that new relationship...she's opting to stay in.  And have kids all on her own.  And I think that she thinks that relationship will be automatic. And easy.  And I think she may be surprised at what she finds.