Monday, October 10, 2011

Why I can't read/watch the news

A 1 year old boy was fatally shot in the head in what appears to have been an attempted home robbery. My heart wrenches. I have a 1 year old little boy. He was home with his grandmother at the time. I can only imagine what that poor woman felt as she rushed him to a neighbor and called 911. My heart is wrenched just thinking about it.

It's so heart breaking. And the little one did nothing wrong. The grandmother did nothing wrong. These two heartless men showed up with a gun and killed a little one. They did do something wrong, but I kind of doubt they feel it.

And now I understand why people might only have one child. When I was younger I never understood why people would stop at one. Having many younger brothers and sister might be a factor in that, but it never made sense to me. Now I can see one possible explanation. When you have a baby it's like a piece of your heart living outside you. And you can protect it. And you can nurture it. But ultimately, things will happen to it beyond your control. It's a risk. Because a part of you can be so easily hurt. It's terrifying to think of taking that risk again. And having your heart broken into multiple pieces...all vulnerable in the world.

I still think Wiggles' will benefit from having a sibling. And we still think we'd like to have another baby. But I'm definitely leaning toward only one more now. Instead of our two, maybe three kid philosophy I had before Wiggles. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to have more.

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About this Blog

I have a journal. You know, the real kind...paper, bound in a book form...nice leather cover. And I do write in it...every few months. I like it, but somehow I find it hard to keep up regularly. I'm at a computer nearly all the time, so I find it easier to keep up on this blog. So, that's what this blog is for. To help me journal when I'm away from my journal. A place to collect my thoughts before I lose them to the chaos of my mind.

Or see my first post here. That's why I started this blog.