Friday, December 11, 2009

Already Behind

Well, I guess I'll go back to posting when I feel like it. More like when I find the time. That's fine.

Even though I'm trying to include more positive stuff, tonight is not the night.

Mr. Man and I are stressed. Very stressed over the house stuff. We're also leaving for Europe in less than a week. Mr. Man also no longer really likes his job. He went from LOVING it to feeling frustrated because it's not a "career". Today and the past few days he's been extra doom and gloom. I can't take it much more.

Seriously, when he's depressed, which I would say he is heading back into clinical depression, it's like a life-sucking gray cloud hangs over him and around him. It is not fun to be around to him, to attempt to talk to him, or otherwise have anything to do with him. I guess this is the "worse" part in better or worse.

The problem is...I don't know what more I can do. I offer to listen, but he doesn't want to talk. I try to do things to cheer him up, he barely grimaces in return. I'm considering tough love, but I'm not sure that is what he needs. I think he needs a counselor, but he "hasn't found one he likes". I just want to call bull shit and say keep looking. For God's sake do something. But instead he just despairs himself into a black hole.

And it's not like I'm super mentally stable here. I'm borderline depressed too. I feel like a failure too. This shit is happening to me too. And on top if it, I'm working TWO jobs, both of which are more demanding than his one, thanks very much. Sure pretty flexible hours, but way more demanding.

What kills me is that we're supposed to be best friends. Partners. And he's shutting me out. Whenever anything gets tough, he shuts down, and shuts me out. What kind of friend is that? How can we be partners when he excludes me from the important stuff?

The worst part is, I feel like he's all talk and mope, and no action. You want a career sir? Then go fucking get one. Stop the woe-is-me-my-life-is-shit routine and do something about it. Until now we needed you to keep a job to pay the mortgage. Now? We're short selling the house and not paying the mortgage, so go do whatever it is you have to do to Pull. Your. Head. Out.

Ugh. I'm just so frustrated.

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About this Blog

I have a journal. You know, the real kind...paper, bound in a book form...nice leather cover. And I do write in it...every few months. I like it, but somehow I find it hard to keep up regularly. I'm at a computer nearly all the time, so I find it easier to keep up on this blog. So, that's what this blog is for. To help me journal when I'm away from my journal. A place to collect my thoughts before I lose them to the chaos of my mind.

Or see my first post here. That's why I started this blog.