Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Counseling and Communication

I'm finally back in counseling. I had a hiatus because the counselor I saw over the summer graduated from her internship and was hired in a practice that didn't take my insurance. Well, it did, but as an out of network thing and so I'd have to pay a $1000 deductible...which wouldn't take long at $115/hr, but...still was out of my budget at this point in time.

I was dragging my feet setting up with a new counselor because I really liked this last one. I felt we had the most productive sessions by far of my semi-brief counseling history and really appreciated all the insight I'd gained. And there was a deep level of trust that had been developed...and I just haven't felt ready to try to build that with someone else.

I finally went in and wound up getting matched up with a woman I liked immediately...but it turns out she'd seen Mr. Random! (he'd gotten individual counseling...basically during my hiatus). So there was a conflict of interest and she couldn't actually see me.

So today I finally met with someone who can see me. I didn't like her as much initially and I'm still a bit unsure how I feel about her. I do know that I actually felt worse after my session today...and I'm not sure what to make of that.

I'm addressing different issues now than I did over the summer. The summer was about addressing some crappy stuff in my past and working that out. We didn't get to all of it, but made really good headway.

Some of it is really personal and crappy, and I don't even want to go there with someone new, least of all this person. She asked a bit about it today and I told her as little as I could. I not ready I guess. Instead, I'm hoping to focus on stress management and communication. Because I feel that I've lost my ability to communicate effectively with Mr. Random and because I'm about at my breaking point with stress. The two are most likely inter-related.

I wound up crying in the session today, which really surprised and frustrated me. I mean...really? Tears? They came when I was talking about the recent "discussion" I had in Mr. Random that prompted my post about him being an Ass. I was feeling better about him and Us until I brought that up again. Now I'm feeling sad with a touch of despair.

The bonus for anyone still reading this is that I'm supposed to try to post more as part of my "homework."

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About this Blog

I have a journal. You know, the real kind...paper, bound in a book form...nice leather cover. And I do write in it...every few months. I like it, but somehow I find it hard to keep up regularly. I'm at a computer nearly all the time, so I find it easier to keep up on this blog. So, that's what this blog is for. To help me journal when I'm away from my journal. A place to collect my thoughts before I lose them to the chaos of my mind.

Or see my first post here. That's why I started this blog.