Do you want to know the real reason I don't blog on this blog more often? I mean, sure, there's the fact that both Mr. Random and I are insanely busy juggling school, teaching, and a wiggly little boy, but more critically...it's because I blog this blog semi-anonymously with a different gmail sign in from my regular one. And yes, they have this fancy new multiple sign-on thing...but I can't seem to get it to work for the blog sign in, and quite frankly, I can't be bothered most days to sign out of my regular email, sign into this email, and then blog. How lame is that? It might take 60 seconds, but it's just...impossible for some reason. So then, I do as I am doing right now, and open a different browser and sign in as Banshee and then blog. Because...that seems easier? It does I guess. But this browser crashes all the time, which is annoying as hell, and the result is that I don't do it very often.
Which ultimately, is why this blog isn't updated more often. I've written so many posts in my head it's annoying also to realize I can't remember them when I sit down to write them.
So. There we are.
But! It's 2012. A fresh and shiny new year, that promises at least some changes for the Banshee Family. First, Mr. Wiggles, my sweet little son, is starting daycare next week. I'm so torn. It's full time care, and I'm pretty sure it's the best option we have. He's on the waiting list for The Best option, but...as we need care now, we'll have to go for the 2nd Best, or the Best Option We Have. I feel like it could go great, or awful, and recognize it might just muddle along somewhere in between but mostly focus on the extremes. On the one hand, Wiggles is a very sociable little creature and may well love the interaction with other people his age/size as well as the teachers. Also, presumably, they will teach him more than we ever could as they are trained to do such things. On the other hand, Mr. Wiggles is a rather persnickety little sleeper and thus far, has never slept anywhere other than his carseat or his bed. And by some miracle, these people expect him to sleep on a thin little sleep-mat for nap time. With other kids in the same room. I'm very curious to see how that turns out. Any time we've tried to nap with him in the same room as us (traveling for instance) he basically throws a hissy fit the whole time. We have to let him fall asleep without being able to see us, then sneak in to lie down ourselves. So. There's that.
And then I just...worry. I mean. These are strangers, we will be trusting with our son, for most of his waking hours. And I feel sad. And scared they won't take as good care of him. That he might get hurt emotionally or physically, and that it might be permanently scarring. That he might feel like we've abandoned him on those first days, and that breaks my heart.
But then I remember that countless other children have gone through daycare, presumably unscathed. Many of them far better adjusted than I ever was as a kid (I never went to daycare). And I remember that he's nothing if not resilient, my little son.
And I hope. I cling to hope that this is truly the right best thing for our little family.
And I wouldn't be completely honest if I didn't add that (a small) part of me is also looking forward to 37.5 hours of kid-free time per week. I already daydream of a schedule where I drop him off at daycare and Mon-Thurs go in to school and get my work done. And then...if it's all reasonably done by Thursday, I could take Friday to clean at home. Or craft. Or do things I haven't been able to do in about 1.5 years because I've had a kidlet hanging around. And then I could go and pick him up a little early after his nap and we'll have a lovely weekend together. It could be really good. But I think that might also be really daydream-y.
And boy am I going to miss the little Wiggler during the day.
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