Friday, May 22, 2009

Life as a Game of Chess?

Lately we've been facing a challenge and it's pretty scary. In the midst of the recession my husband, who henceforth shall be referred to as Benny Boo Boo Boo (or BBBB) for short (we like movie quotes), has been fired and now wants to change careers. It's a tough time to do that. Adding to the stress, we are in a house that's worth 55% of what we owe on it. It seems like the easiest thing would be to stop paying the mortgage and see if the bank wants to modify our loan then. I've tried for about 6 months now to get them to modify it w/o us going into default. They, so far, have been uninterested. And if we foreclose, oh well - we're then free to move into an apartment closer to where I work. As long as they don't mind our foreclosure...But, complicating this is the fact that the career BBBB wants to move into will do a credit check - and not meeting your financial obligations is pretty much a fail - no can do - we won't hire you. Sigh. So we have to find a way to pay the mortgage. All this is more confusing when I think that BBBB was going for that same job almost 3 years ago, but it didn't work out. What if it had then? Wouldn't our lives be that much simpler? Of course, if it had - I might not be on the path I am now. I would probably have been content to be a stay-at-home-mom. I still feel like that would be ideal. But we can't afford it...and now I'm pretty content with this other path.

Basically, confusing as that paragraph was, my point is this: I feel like the past 3 years of our lives have been building up to this moment. Like since then we've been involved in a giant game of chess - and only now am I starting to realize that we're limited in options. It's like waking up in the middle of the game, and seeing that you have about 2 moves left - and all the moves you made up to this point are what's trapped you now. I'm not very good at's hoping I am somewhat better at living life.

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About this Blog

I have a journal. You know, the real kind...paper, bound in a book form...nice leather cover. And I do write in it...every few months. I like it, but somehow I find it hard to keep up regularly. I'm at a computer nearly all the time, so I find it easier to keep up on this blog. So, that's what this blog is for. To help me journal when I'm away from my journal. A place to collect my thoughts before I lose them to the chaos of my mind.

Or see my first post here. That's why I started this blog.