I am beyond pissed off right now. The past several weeks and the next several weeks are a rather intense time for me in my PhD program. Admittedly, this is in part due to my personal choices, and as was rather pointedly clarified for me by a certain in-law, being in my PhD program at all is "personal choice." And apparently, because I've made such a choice, I have no room to complain. (BullShit ma'm, Bullshit. Everyone complains about their choices. Usually about the parts of their choice that are beyond their control. But THAT, is another post).
So, it is during this intense time that I have received, not one, but two letters from two separate family members. In short, these letters are essentially asking me (and Mr. R by proxy) to change our values and beliefs regarding our son to better accommodate these family members and their values and beliefs. OUR son.
I'm beyond pissed. And I just don't get it. I wouldn't be so angry if I didn't want our son to have a relationship with these people. After all, the "are family." This has been my mantra since before Mr. Random and I married - he doesn't quite share it and is ready to just not have a relationship with members of his family if they can't respect him and his wishes. (one of the letters is from his side, one from mine). I'm starting to get on his band-wagon, because this is ridiculous.
One letter basically says that they won't be told what they are and aren't allowed to do with regards to our son. That they have certain "privileges" on account of being a grandparent. Maybe we're weird in that we don't agree? We think that being the parent means we get to say what they can and cannot do with our son? (this is like...big things...like force-feeding a 9 month old cookies w/o checking first with his mother to see if (1) he can handle that food texture and (2) oh....if he might not have allergies or some other digestive issue that might mean you should CHECK before you give a BABY food. Just saying.) We're not saying she has to clear every little detail, which, of course, is what she'll do. If she even acquiesces. She indicated in her letter that this could "mean goodbye" to all three of us. SERIOUSLY? Whatever.
The other letter is from a sibling. This sibling is dating a person who abused and killed one of her cats. BRUTALLY. She continues to date this man. We have thus far made it clear in no uncertain terms we will not allow this man in our son's presence. I've had some people say, oh, as long as lots of people are around, what's he going to do? Well...considering he was abusing the cats in the sibling's presence and she didn't notice...he could do a lot. Not to mention, generally in large family gatherings a lot is going on and there are lots of opportunities for such subtle abuse to occur. We aren't comfortable risking it. Sorry. This person has demonstrated brutal violence against smaller defensive less creatures that "annoyed" him. Not. Going. To. Risk. It.
So the letter was actually from this man, and forwarded by the sibling and we're encouraged to re-evaluate our stance. After all, he went to 4 weeks of counseling. And he attached a "scholarly" article that suggests maybe violence to animals doesn't transfer to humans after all. I can't wait until I have the time to rip the article apart properly (it merely cites correlations, and has weak statistics for it at that) and perhaps find a few other articles that support our beliefs (that it may, in fact, not be safe to have him around a baby).
The bottom line is, WE'RE the parents! These are the kinds of things WE decide. Not them.
So furious.
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