Monday, June 8, 2009

The Baby "Thing"

So - I was on Facebook, looking at suggestions of people I might know, when I noticed that a lot of them were people from high school that I either lost track of, or never really knew that well. And then I noticed, nearly all of their profile pictures were of them with kids. I turn 26 this year. And I feel like most of my peers are either already parents, or well on their way, ie pregnant. Then I start to feel panicked. We had been on that track, until the husband was fired. Now it's out of the question until he gets settled into a job and we have health insurance again. The trouble is, I don't know when that'll be. And I go back and forth. Sometimes I feel so ready and so behind and want to have a baby as soon as possible. But other times, I think I'm still young, and there are so many things we can do now that will be difficult with a child. And honestly, sometimes, I feel like I wouldn't know what to do with one should we have, maybe waiting awhile longer is fine. I don't know - I just hate feeling like I'm doing the wrong thing, or missing out on what's important. A lot of those people never left my hometown - and I used to think that it was a bit sad. I mean, here I am, over a thousand miles from where I was born, and making it totally on my own (well, with the husband of course). And I know we've both grown so much from this journey - but at what cost?

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About this Blog

I have a journal. You know, the real kind...paper, bound in a book form...nice leather cover. And I do write in it...every few months. I like it, but somehow I find it hard to keep up regularly. I'm at a computer nearly all the time, so I find it easier to keep up on this blog. So, that's what this blog is for. To help me journal when I'm away from my journal. A place to collect my thoughts before I lose them to the chaos of my mind.

Or see my first post here. That's why I started this blog.