Today I am sad

For a lot of different reasons really. But - especially because of financial reasons at the moment. We're still making it so far, that's not the issue. I was reading an article in the news about foreclosed homeowners (is that an oxymoron?) suing lenders for foreclosing on their homes. The comments at the end are what got me. Most of the people commenting seemed to be sick of the "lazy" people sitting on their fat-@$$es and getting bailed out. They suggest that people facing foreclosure are greedy and idiots and getting what they deserve - and if they really want to keep their house than they should just work harder. And if they're not willing to do that, then they shouldn't have bought a house they couldn't afford anyway.

Fine. I'm sure some of the millions facing foreclosure did bite off more than they could chew or chose to spend their money frivolously and now are unsure how to make ends meet.

But what about people like us? Yeah...we probably bought a bit more house than we should have. But we thought TH was going to get a higher paying job. And we thought I'd be done with school in a year, and then our income would double. We banked on an economy that tanked right as we needed it. True - we counted our chickens before they hatched, but despite that, we were making it work. TH didn't get the higher paying job - I got a job and then was fired the same day the economy tanked. And now I'm back in school - but all the while we were careful and made our mortgage on time. This past May TH was FIRED. Fired from his job for an incident in which he was assaulted and he's been told that if it had happened at any other time he would not have been fired for. So our primary income is gone. He's looking for jobs - but it's tough in this economy. I don't think anyone appreciates just how tough unless they're actually trying to find a job right now. I feel like most people still assume there are always a few jobs out there - you just have to go out and ask for them. Well - there are jobs out there, but there are way more job-seekers than jobs at this point. You can't just ask anymore - you have to ask faster and better than 10 other people for each job. The odds aren't in your favor - sure, you'll probably get a job eventually, but right now eventually could mean 5 months...that's a long time to go without substantial income.

So what does this mean? Do you think we're lazy and should just be working harder? Are we greedy? No one foresaw this economic bust - I don't care if you've "been saying it for years" or you "knew it was coming". Yeah - we all KNOW that a big earthquake will hit LA - but do you know when? Do you know exactly where in LA? Do you know HOW it will strike? No. Without that kind of specific information your predictions are useless - and we bought a house at a time when we had no reason to believe the house would be worth less than half what we paid in just 2 years. At the time we bought EVERYONE was saying it'd be a great investment - it should only increase in value, even in just 5 short years. So what are we supposed to do? It IS worth half what we owe. It looks like it will take much longer than 5 years to get BACK to the value we bought it at.

Yet we're still making our mortgage...but we don't know for how much longer. Foreclosure is a real possibility unless TH can find work reasonably soon. If it does come to foreclosure...really America? Is it entirely our fault? Are we a bunch of lazy sob's getting what we asked for? What we deserve?

A Modest Proposal

There are a LOT of piss-poor drivers out there. A lot. And, unfortunately, it seems that most often these bad drivers are also driving large vehicles. This correlation is downright distressing. And dangerous.

What I propose is this: we make driver testing mandatory, every 2 years. Both written and performance. And then have tests to qualify for a specific class of vehicle. To start, you get to drive a smart car, or similar sized vehicle. If, after 2 years, you've got a clean record of no accidents (that were your fault) and you can pass the test again, then you can test for a larger class vehicle. But you will have to continue to qualify to drive that larger vehicle every 2 years.

What's that? Your lifestyle requires you drive a truck? THEN LEARN TO DRIVE IT RESPONSIBLY!!!! Because quite frankly, in your current incapable hands that "truck" is a multi-ton killing machine. A weapon, with some added features like space to carry passengers and cargo.

The Baby "Thing"

So - I was on Facebook, looking at suggestions of people I might know, when I noticed that a lot of them were people from high school that I either lost track of, or never really knew that well. And then I noticed, nearly all of their profile pictures were of them with kids. I turn 26 this year. And I feel like most of my peers are either already parents, or well on their way, ie pregnant. Then I start to feel panicked. We had been on that track, until the husband was fired. Now it's out of the question until he gets settled into a job and we have health insurance again. The trouble is, I don't know when that'll be. And I go back and forth. Sometimes I feel so ready and so behind and want to have a baby as soon as possible. But other times, I think I'm still young, and there are so many things we can do now that will be difficult with a child. And honestly, sometimes, I feel like I wouldn't know what to do with one should we have it...so, maybe waiting awhile longer is fine. I don't know - I just hate feeling like I'm doing the wrong thing, or missing out on what's important. A lot of those people never left my hometown - and I used to think that it was a bit sad. I mean, here I am, over a thousand miles from where I was born, and making it totally on my own (well, with the husband of course). And I know we've both grown so much from this journey - but at what cost?

Mysteries

It's all a mystery to me. I said that phrase to my boss in response to being asked why my work was a certain way - not a good explanation and it is now my job to unravel the mystery. But I've found myself thinking more about that phrase. And where else it applies - quite frankly, right now, it is ALL a mystery to me. As in, everything. Life. The meaning of life. What we should be doing with the gift of Life. All of it...it feels like a mystery. I thought I knew once, or had a pretty good idea...but now I feel totally and utterly uncertain. The only thing I know is the present, and I feel pretty confident that a good game plan is to make the most of and enjoy the present. Beyond that...is a mystery to me.