Let it go

I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but it still irks me.  Having to explain that, yes, in fact, I make money by going to school for my PhD.  YES.  THEY, pay ME.

This is a revelation for...well, nearly everyone it seems.  I've been in grad school for 3 years now.  I think my in-laws are just finally starting to believe that I, actually *gasp* contribute to my household income, and in fact, have not been draining my poor, over-worked husband for my educational whims all this time.  Stunning.

Yes, that's right folks.  If you haven't heard of this before, let me lay it out for you.  I got a master's degree.  In Geology.  It cost me exactly: $0.  IN FACT, they paid me $14k per year, paid for my tuition, AND paid my health insurance during that time.  No, I did not make bank.  Yes, it's a pittance.  But it helps.  AND, I'm not paying for my education.

My PhD is a similar arrangement, but now I think I make close to...wait for it...$15k per year, still tuition and health paid by the department.  Well, until this semester that is.  As I'm on a kind of, forced semester-long maternity leave.  But! when I'm a full-time student...I get paid to go to school.  I know.  Take a moment.  Let it sink in.  Process that.

We good?

Random Ramblings

I missed posting yesterday.  There was something I kept thinking of that I wanted to write about...but by the time I'd sit down to write it, the thought was gone.  At which point I'd get up and do something else, planning to return to write it out when the thought came back.  It came back...and left, several times.  And in the end, I have no idea what that fleeting thought was.  So no post.  And here we are.

On the baby name front, it seems safe to say that Isabelle is out if it's a girl.  Which makes me sad, but...there are FAR too many Isabella's, I'm over the whole Twilight "thing" and hate the association, AND, a co-worker of Mr. Random's who just annoys the hell out of him (nice enough guy, just happens to have every odd quirk that pushes every one of Mr. Random's buttons) is having a girl in October (well, presumably his wife is doing the having) and they've pretty much settled on the name Isabella.  Mr. Random hadn't liked the popularity of the name before, but this really finished it off for him.  So there were are.

I've also pretty much ruled out Aiden.  It just doesn't seem right anymore, and - again - the popularity thing.

We have lists with 3 boys names and 3 girls names at this point, and are pretty settled on the middle names for each.  I think we'll go with those and hope one of the 6 seems "right" upon staring at the little one's scrunched face.  If not...well, the hospital has WiFi.  :)

We watched Where the Wild Things Are the other night.  Well, that's inaccurate.  We started to watch that movie.  And quickly, both of us were looking at each other in horror.  And then boredom.  It really just didn't do it for us.  And, quite frankly, convinced us that children are rather frightening creatures after all and that we'd prefer not to have any.  Quite a predicament I find myself in considering that recent conclusion.  (I am kidding...mostly)

Seriously though, the boy in the movie seems to have some major issues.  Especially issues of loneliness.  I think I was a lonely child from time to time, but my gosh.  MY GOSH.  It really did freak us out.  But our kid will be all rainbows and butterflies, right?  (now I'm completely kidding)

The weather has taken a turn for pleasant.  We've had rain showers and cooler temperatures.  I'm hoping the change is permanent and signaling "fall" (as if Phoenix actually has seasons beyond "warm" and "hot, hot, hot!") but we'll see.  The end of the 10 day forecast shows temps climbing back up into the triple digits. 

I had lunch with Advisor the other day too.  She wanted to see me once more before Baby was born.  Lunch was yummy, and it was a mostly fun chat.  It involved a lot of unsolicited advice from her about everything from labor to breastfeeding to child rearing - which for the most part I agreed with, had already heard, or appreciated, so that was good.  We talked work a little bit - I still have mixed feelings about how to spend my time for the next 5 or so months.  You see, I'm funding myself, thanks in large part to her, and based on that, feel that I can do whatever the hell I want.  If that means I'm focused 100% on the baby and do nothing towards the PhD, well I think that's my right.  It's probably also stupid.  She has some ideas for how to spend my time and assures me that after the first few weeks I'll want the intellectual activity.  I suspect she's right...but I don't like it.  (I'm a bit ornery)  I'm planning on attending a conference in the spring that I need to submit an abstract for...I believe the deadline's in October or thereabouts, so that'll be something "intellectual" for me to do.  (as in, dust off the abstract I worked on over the summer and get that in)  Beyond that...it'd be smart to keep up on the literature...and probably to play with some internet programming options.  But I don't think I'll make solid goals/plans yet.  We'll see how I handle the baby-rearing part first.  I had had dreams (last spring) of taking my master's thesis and turning it into a publishable paper during this time.  Sounds lofty at this point...but would probably be worthwhile.  And it'd be a nice FU to the fine folk who assured me I'd be "worthless" and should take the semester off (yes, this includes Advisor who now has all these ideas for how I should spend my time and suggests I'll want the intellectual stimulation - which one is it lady?).

Bank Owned

Just got off the phone with the bank - as of yesterday, our home is now "bank owned".  I'm sad and glad all at the same time.

The saddest part, perhaps, is that it went to auction yesterday...but there was no offer.  Hah!  And people wonder why we couldn't "just short sale" it.  If no one will even offer at auction...why would they possibly go thru the paperwork and rigmarole of a short sale?  Sad.  We love/d that house.

Now to cancel the electricity and water...and let the HOA know we will no longer be required to pay their &^%$ fees.  Hallelujah!

Night and Day

This happened last night, and 2 or 3 nights ago - where I'm getting up every 1 to 2 hours to pee (well, that's every night) and throughout the night the pressure on my cervix seems to be building.  It gets stronger every time I get up, and it gets harder and harder to get up, and walk across the room to the bathroom.

Last night it culminated about 4am when there was so much pressure on my cervix and, ahem, anus, that I really could barely walk.  It was ridiculous.  And as this pressure builds I find myself going....okay....?  Does this mean labor is...starting?  I mean, there's no contraction!  Well, I'm having some, but still only feel them in shortness of breath...and it's not like they're regular in any way.  So I go back to bed convinced the next time I wake up, I'll be waking Mr. Random and this is gonna be it.  But...so far...it hasn't been.

And then, this morning, just like the other night with intense pressure (2 nights ago I think?), I get up around the 6-8am time window, hungry...and...with some pressure, but NOTHING like during the night.  It's like a calm after a storm or something.  And I start wondering if that other stuff was all in my head.

Quite frankly, I find the whole thing confusing.  But for now I'll just keep on keeping on...until real contractions show up to warn me that something really is happening...or I feel a baby's head dangling out.  :)

Still ticking

Like a bomb waiting to go off.  :)

We went swimming last night - the feeling of the baby being supported by the water was totally amazing.  I've swam a few times in the past several months, but the difference was never as dramatic as last night!  It made getting out of the pool somewhat unpleasant.

Today, let's talk about my cats.  I love them.  But they ARE annoying.  Good training for kids, I'm sure, but jeeze!  You see, these little ones have a problem with food.  Well, actually, the brother has a problem with food...the sister would probably be okay if we left food out all the time.  But brother...eats compulsively until it is ALL. GONE.  To the point he'll make himself sick.  Poor buddy.

So anyway, 3 years ago now, when we took them to the vet for their annual we were told they were too fat...borderline obese even.  And we started restricting their food.  They get fed twice a day - morning and night.  And we measure how much they get.  And the gobble it up in 30 seconds or less.  Morning and night.

And they whine.  For hours before food time.  It is so obnoxious.  On the plus side, their weight is pretty healthy now.

So there's that.

Then there's sister cat.  She's a lap whore.  She loves laps, but especially my lap.  And she's an attention-hog.  She gets very jealous any time brother is getting attention.  This...does not entirely bode well for bringing a little baby into the home, who, will, undoubtedly, get more of our undivided attention than she will.

I've been following the advice I read to start ignoring the cats in the weeks leading up to birth.  She hasn't been able to be in my lap for sometime now (the belly takes that space!), which helps...but she would adjust by sitting behind me, beside me, or on my shoulders if she could manage.  I've been putting a stop to this...but it's just so sad!  The sweet little kitty just wants to cuddle!

Well, that made for a rather boring post...but I'm fresh out of ideas, so there it is.  And now I've documented something about the cats...which is good.  I think.

Jumpy People

It turns out, that when one approaches one's due date...everyone treats you like a bomb ready to go off.  Yeah...I wonder when it will happen too, but, wowza. 

I didn't answer my phone the other day because I was sitting on the floor scrapbooking and it was way too far away for me to make it in time.  I figured I'd just let the person leave a voicemail and call them back the next time I got up to pee...which on average happens every 1.5 to 2 hours...so it would be more than reasonable.

It was my mother that had called.  She did leave a voicemail.  And in it, noted that I hadn't answered the phone and consequently wondered aloud if I might not be having a baby.  Sigh.  No...though I DID tell her that we won't be calling people when we go to the hospital.

That's right...we plan to wait until all the fireworks are over and we'll just let people know when the baby's here.  Selfish?  Maybe.  Our right?  Absolutely. 

Here's the way I'm looking at it.  Option 1 - we call when we leave for the hospital.  And Mr. Random now has to spend the time that I'm in ACTIVE labor and heading to transition fielding phone calls, making sure EVERYONE gets informed so there are no hurt feelings and basically...tending to other people who, quite frankly, AREN'T in labor, requiring his attention.  This would likely make me rather upset.  Then, of course, I imagine several folks wanting regular updates.  Again...I'm maybe being a bit of a diva here, but I'd prefer his attention was focused on...well, me.  :)  I'm usually pretty casual about being the center of his world...but I think, this particular instance is one where it's called for.  Luckily, he agrees. 

Which leads to Option 2.  We call y'all after the baby is born.  Ta da!  At which point, I'm sure it will still be annoying to be interrupted and whatever, but we'll also be excited to share the news.  Wouldn't you rather that?  Us being EXCITED to be on the phone with you?  Instead of stressed/pissed off?  I would.

Now, one of my sisters is apparently a little miffed.  I don't think she even knows that we're going with Option 2.  Then she'll likely be outright offended, but I can't control that.  She's miffed because I told her we weren't taking visitors the day of.  Least of all DURING labor.  She mentioned, ever so casually, on the phone the other day that she was discussing the impending birth with her friend/boyfriend (she's unclear where they're at) and he pointed out, that, you know...she's only 6 hours away.  She could take off when she "gets the call" and be there in time for the birth!  She left that hanging...and I shot it down straight away. 

Here's how I'd see it going if she did come.  She'd waltz in, probably about when I'm in transition or crowning...basically, when I LEAST want to be distracted or surprised.  And I'd probably scream something obscene at her.  And she'd back out of the room, tears springing to her eyes, and would be offended.  And hurt.  And I would have zero sympathy.  I know her...that's how it would go down.

So, No, I said, No.  You're welcome to come the next day, but Mr. Random and I talked about it and we're not taking visitors the first day.  We want that day to try to soak it all in and just be ourselves with the baby.  She was clearly offended and quickly ended the call after that.  And apparently complained to our mother - who... fortunately...sees my side of things.

I know, we're selfish bastards.  Whatever.  When she pushes a little human out her "chute of love" she can call the shots however she likes.  As I'm doing the pushing with this little human...I'm calling the shots.  And the last thing I want is her waltzing in as the baby crowns.  Yet another beautiful reason to go with Option 2.

Rear View

Apparently, I STILL don't look pregnant from behind. (I finally had Mr. Random take a picture from behind so I could see...and...yeah, alright. I don't look pregnant at all. Amazing!) This can make for amusing encounters in public.

For instance...

We were shopping at Best Buy - we knew exactly what we wanted and had other things to do so it was supposed to be an in-and-out trip. The Direct TV sales lady, however; caught sight of us and was right on our tail. She was walking behind us, and I was closest to her when she said "did you hear what we're doing to people today?" I've got to give her props - it piqued my curiosity. "doing to people?". I hesitated and turned around to get a better look. That's when she saw the belly and, I kid you not, jumped a little and said "whoa!". Then, to cover, hastily asked when I was due.

She wanted to save us $200-300/mo on our cable bill. Seriously? Who spends that much on cable? If you do...well, that's your call, but my goodness. We don't have cable. Which I always tell these Direct TV sales people and I know they think I'm lying but we don't. We get the free channels of course, but barely watch them at all. We've got the $8.99/mo plan with Netflix, which we'll be canceling next month as we're cutting back due to my distinct lack of income currently. And that's it.

I mean...if you want to GIVE me $200-300/mo so that I can "save" that much by going with Direct TV, by all means. But otherwise...there's no way you're going to save me money. And besides...I have about a thousand better things to do than get hooked on cable TV shows again. I've been there, done that, and am happy to have broken free.

Now if only I could break my addiction to sweet, sugary drinks. Like lemonade. And juice. And root beer. Ah, root beer...you hold the key to my heart.

Dinner out

Mr. Random and I enjoyed what will probably be our last pre-baby dinner out.

We went to Fuddrucker's, and splurged an entire $1.50 to upgrade one drink to a shake (really, we wouldn't have normally - not due to cost but more the healthyfulness of such a choice). We enjoyed our food while watching a pre-season football game conveniently on a big screen across from our table. We chatted...mostly about the game. Nothing important.

It was a lot of fun. And an excellent "last hurrah". :)

Unprepared

When we made the decision to short sale our house we knew it came with the likely possibility it would actually end in foreclosure. We're coming up on that - though the bank has delayed auction twice already. We're just ready to be done with it. Especially since we're still paying electricity, water and HOA fees until it's no longer "ours".

We check on the house every so often. Most recently to discover someone had stolen our grill from the backyard (we hadn't decided what to do with it yet as they're illegal in apartment complexes for fear of fire) and the " No Soliciting" sign from our front door.

I went back to check on it today - to notice a plant had been removed from the front yard, and the remaining plants were looking awfully dry. Pretty sure one has died actually. When I checked the water control (side of the house) it had been changed from the settings I left it at. Who would do that? And why?

Mr. Random's been worried someone's going to break in - and trash the place. Which would really suck because we left it in decent condition. And left all the appliances. And fixtures. And real wood blinds (yeah...I was tricked into that, but whatever). Ugh.

When we made the decision to do this, I was prepared for the damage to our credit. The frustration of moving from a house back into an apartment. I was unprepared for the heartache I would feel walking through our abandoned house...checking to make sure it hadn't been pillaged. We really love/loved that house. I got to pick out all the interiors...and painted most of the rooms. It's just heartbreaking to walk through it now...and see it empty and forlorn. I really hope it sells at its next auction date (this upcoming week) and some family gets it...and can enjoy it as much as we did.

3 posts yesterday...

Does that mean I'm off the hook for today? Maybe...but I think I'll try to keep up the good habit of daily blogging just in case.

I have so many blog topics swirling in my head when I'm away from the computer...but when I sit down to the composer page...they suddenly vanish. What is that?

Let's talk about my current PhD-related activities. I have few. I did recently work up a powerpoint presentation to share with a new student who will be working on the project in my absence this semester, and one of my committee members who will be doing a presentation at a meeting at the end of September, that were I not to have recently expelled a small human, I would have been going to and doing the presentation. Basically, it was to sum up my last/latest efforts on the project, what I was thinking and where I was planning to go next. I already sent it off to Advisor and she said it looked good and was informative. Excellent, that was the goal. The funny part is that I spent a good 8 slides using the wrong word for one of my major topic points. They both started with a "p" but the meaning was quite different. Go, go baby brain! At least I caught it before I sent it off.

And I'm not sure it's "baby brain" so much as tired-brain. Sleep is such a precious commodity at this point. I basically am unable to sleep before midnight. No matter what time I lay down. I just lay awake, fidgeting. Which isn't helping Mr. Random's sleep. Then, once finally drifting off...I wake up every 1.5 to 2 hours to pee. Around 4-4:30 am I find myself rather hungry...but still tired...so usually manage to fall back asleep after a little while. Then around 6 something Mr. Random gets up for work...sometimes I'm hungry enough to get up...sometimes I still sleep - at which point I wake up right before 9am. Like clockwork. And then I am definitely hungry. So I get up and start my day!

But let's look at that - how much sleep am I getting here? About 6 hours total...not too bad! And I understand this is good "training" for what's soon to come.

Ah Family

So - as I was warned and am personally noticing - families get a little crazy when a new baby is on the way. Especially when said baby is the first grandbaby for either side. It sure makes life interesting.

For instance....

So, we live here in the southwest. And about 98% of our family (both sides) still reside in the Pacific Northwest. All over, the Pacific Northwest, but pretty much within about 7 hours of each other all around. Now - my family have expressed interest in visiting after Random Jr. is born...and we're good with this. We've asked they wait until after mid-September so that we know we'll get the first week to figure out stuff ourselves, but after that, all family are welcome to visit to meet the baby. So far....just my family are taking us up on this. Others don't have the time/money/it's too hot. That's fine. (well, the first 2...the last one is a bit lame, but alrighty)

So, in light of this, we've been saving every month so that we can afford to fly up for about 10 days around Thanksgiving. Have I mentioned yet that money is going to be very tight these next 5 months? Because it is. I'm not working. (thank you dept.) And, well...it's do-able, but it'll be tight. Yet, we're scrimping and saving so that we can fly up. Honestly, I think this is pretty damn nice of us...to not only spend OUR money, but also to attempt flying with a 2 month old, so that THEY can meet said 2 month old.

And don't get me wrong, everyone's expressing excitement. But...the drama...it's already beginning. Sigh.

Let's introduce the players...I have a large family. They live in one part of the state. Mr. Random has a large collection of extended family and his mother about 3 hours north of this. His father lives about 5 hours away, across mountains. The rest of my extended family about 2 hours further than that, also across the mountains. And...we thought we'd go at Thanksgiving, because Mr. Random gets that Thursday and Friday off, meaning we need fewer vacation days to stay longer.

Now, in discussing ideas for the trip...not plans, we're no where near plans yet, with my mother...I brought up the idea of trying to get both sides of the family in one location for a big bang out Thanksgiving. Plus, it would make it easier on us, so we don't end up driving all across the state, spending 2 days here there and everywhere so everyone can meet Random Junior. I thought this seemed reasonable...I mean, we're spending hard-saved cash to fly up...they only have to drive several hours depending on where we do this - everyone wins!

Well...not quite. Mr. Random's dad doesn't do Thanksgiving...and well, it'd be awkward for his mom and dad to be at the same event anyway. They were fine with each other at our wedding...but, it's just not going to happen. Okay, so we do Thanksgiving with his mom and extendeds, my family and extendeds...then go for a few days to Papa Random's...see our friends that also live in that area. Call it a good trip!

Well...not so fast. See, where would we have this big shindig? My parents house is kind of small, and definitely doesn't have the room for anyone to stay the night...it'll be tight fitting us in with the baby. It seems unfair to me to make all of Mr. Random's family get hotel rooms...when we could do the shindig at his mom's overly large house, that has quite a bit of room for my family to stay, and all his extendeds live nearby, and wouldn't need the room OR a hotel. Makes sense right?

Well, my parents aren't overly keen on the idea. (I think it's because they're homebodies and it puts them out of their comfort zone) Immediately, they start going on about the weather and how it's likely to snow and we won't be able to do our plans. Uh huh. Well...it MAY snow. Sure. But we're supposed to what? Not plan on seeing anyone just in case? Should we come next spring then? And if the alternative is we're driving all around the state to see everyone individually...well how's that help the snow situation?

Then I find out my extendeds INSIST on having Thanksgiving at home. Which is fine, it'd be a 7 hour drive for them.

Meanwhile, we floated the idea past Mr. Random's mom of having a big shindig at her house to see if she was open to it. Not only is she open to it, she now has her heart set on it. So we've got Mama Random's heart set on having nearly everyone to her house for a big Thanksgiving dinner. My parents predicting doom and gloom for driving conditions. My extendeds insisting on not coming...and everyone still "so excited" to see us when we come visit.

Ah yes. Meanwhile, the more we have to drive around to see everyone, the more this trip will cost us - as we'll be putting a lot of gas into a rental car. Sigh.

The kid's not even born yet, but it's already begun.

These dramas are part of the reason Mr. Random likes living 1,000 miles away. And doesn't want to move back too close. And yet, in some ways, if we lived closer (close enough to drive, not fly let's say) it seems like it might be less drama. Plus, then we might be able to break it up and see family in different parts of the state in a few separate trips. Instead of trying to do a grand tour.

Anyway, I am still looking forward to the trip. It'll likely be exhausting and mildly stressful. But I think it'll be fun too.

Also

*WARNING: the following mini post will definitely be TMI. But I think it's funny and have no where else I feel comfortable sharing so much.

May I just say, that pooping at 9 months pregnant is a whole new experience? I mean, after 27 years of fairly regular experience with that particular activity, I assumed I'd more or less been through the range of possibilities.

I was wrong. Pregnancy goes and throws a little surprise in there for ya.

That is all.

Interesting...

So, the day Mr. Random decides he's going for it - the master's program - and that teaching will be the career for him, the very day folks - he gets a call from 2 of his police buddies. The department...is hiring again.

It'll be invitation only. The former hiring guy who Mr. Random was in good contact with...has been re-assigned....so it could be like square one. No idea how many they're hiring...but it probably is not many. And there are likely to be hundreds of applicants.

Have I blogged on here about Mr. Random's attempts with policing? I feel sure I have but can't remember. Let's just say it's his DREAM job. He has a passion for it, and nothing else...which is why he's had a hard time finding another career...or forcing himself to move into another career. He's been applying with departments for 3 years now, and basically, it seems like something keeps happening to prevent him. It feels almost unreal, the things that have happened.

And then there's the timing of this. We're both sitting here asking each other and God, but what does it mean!?! I mean...come. on! The guy has been so torn up about not getting hired. So frustrated. He finally, finally, sits down, thinks long and hard about other options, and the day that he finally puts both feet into another career path...his Dream Job sends out a request for applications? What is that?

I'm torn, personally. I want this for him. I want him to finally be happy - truly happy with a job. I want it all to work out. I just worry it won't. And once again, he's going to get his hopes up, get yanked around...and then trampled into the ground. :( Sigh. And then he'll be left wondering even more what it all means. If anything.

Meanwhile, he's still going to go ahead and apply for the master's program. Based on past events, he doesn't want to put that off for what seems a very slim shot at his dream job. I think that's good.

I did pray about it last night. I've been having personal issues with God and religion (more religion) for the past 6+ months, so it's been awhile since I've done that. I felt compelled to look up the liturgical readings (raised Catholic). So I did that this morning. The end of the Gospel reading for today was this: "many will be invited, few will be chosen." Now this was in reference to the Kingdom of God...but it applies so well to our current situation. It's an invitation only test - many will apply, few will be invited, and fewer still chosen.

Well, we'll find out soon enough. The applications are due on the baby's due date. They'll notify applicants in early September. We'll soon get the joy of experiencing the miracle of childbirth...perhaps we can have 2 miracles in a short span of time?

Back to School

It's Back to School time here in the Valley, but that's not what I actually want to write about. Instead, I want to write about Mr. Random. He's thinking about going back to school. The truth is...he's not happy. He hasn't been happy. And it doesn't look like he'll be happy in his current job, no matter how long he sticks it out. Yeah, the pay is super nice. The benefits great. The company, really, treats him quite well. But...he's not happy.

What will help him to be happy? Hah. The hell if I know. I've been encouraging counseling. He's definitely in a funk, and to be honest, I'm not sure going back to school will be the solution. I think it will help. And if he's happier as a teacher, then gravy. I'm all for it. He'll get summers off, which could be of great benefit for our travel plans...you know...one day...when we have money and figure out how to travel with the little burden baby.

So, yeah, he'd be going back for a master's in education - with certification. So he could be a secondary teacher. The catch? Well, his undergraduate degree was in history...there seems to be small demand for history teachers. So, he'll likely take extra math classes on top of the master's course, to get ready to take certification in both history AND math, as there's more demand for the latter category.

And then...hopefully...get a job as a teacher. How does this fit in with my schooling? What's this mean for us financially? haha! Yeah. As far as fitting in with my schooling, it could work out pretty slick. The program he's looking at starts in January and takes roughly 17 months...so he'd graduate May 2012. I'm looking to graduate May 2013. Which means, he'd get his degree, then could teach for a year...and then we'd move! Where he'd probably have to get re-certified in whatever new state my career wings us to. Which, shouldn't be TOO bad. Then he could teach in the new state...and viola, he has his career by 30. He's starting to worry that he'll be turning 30 in 2 years...and well...still not be in a "career" he wants to stick to.

So, it sounds like a good plan. The financial aspect is a downer - we'd be living on student loans and my piddly stipend for the year and a half he's in school. Which, is definitely not ideal...but...there are worse options. I think.

Really, the big question in my mind - is if he'll be happy doing that as a career. Or if it's just another bandaid to get him through a year or two, and he'll still be miserable, and still not know what to "do with his life".

Back again

Once again, I want to do better. I want to post at least one thing a day. I am stating this here as a visible goal, hoping that will help me accomplish such a thing. At the very least, I need to keep writing in some sort of coherent fashion so that jumping back into the grad school ring after being a stay-at-home-mom isn't as shocking. So here I am.

PLUS, I really had wanted to document my thoughts and feelings during this time of my life. As it's a pretty life-changing time. But alas, I just haven't brought myself to do it.

Well, better late than never?

So my feelings currently?

apprehension. excitement. trepidation. curiosity.

What does each feeling apply to? They all apply to everything! Labor/delivery. Being a mom. Who is this baby? How will we handle this change? Will I really be able to keep the little one happy and healthy? Or should I just hope to keep it alive!?

I wonder if the baby's a boy or a girl. And what will we name him or her!? We've got lists...kind of. We don't have a fore runner. Well, we do. But every time we more or less settle on a "top pick"...I find a reason I might not be able to stomach it! I've already blogged about loving the name Isabelle - I believe - but hating that everyone and her sister are naming their girl Isabella from Twilight. I do NOT want the association with Twilight. (gag me) And I wasn't keen on the popularity - though it turns out, that while Isabella is #1 for 2010 girls...Isabelle is #100. My rule of thumb is anything below 15-20 on the list is fine. So...technically, Isabelle should be fine. Technically.

Then there is the trouble of a boy's name. For a long time I liked Aiden. Also super popular. One of you kindly informed me this came from Sex and the City. That doesn't bother me a whole lot as the show is off the air and I never watched...but it's still REALLY popular. When you take the 3 most common spellings it's the #1 boy's name. Which...clearly doesn't fit the rule of thumb. So, back to the drawing board, I started really liking Camden. I still really like it. Mr. Random does too. And then...we were watching Jumping Jack Flash - Stephen Collins is in that movie. And I was like, oh that's...what's his name, and before Stephen Collins came to mind, Reverend Camden came to mind. You know...from 7th Heaven. Oh Lord have mercy! I never much cared for that show, least of all the dear "reverend" and now, gah! My beautiful boy's name. Is it ruined? I haven't decided. Some googling to see what people think of when they hear the name didn't help much....7th Heaven didn't come up, but a crime-ridden ghetto-tastic town in New Jersey apparently comes to many people's minds. Damn. I still really like the name...

So...the name thing is still up in the air.

Then there's the trepidation surrounding the actual labor and delivery process. Yes, I know millions of women have done this before. My own mother has gone through it five times. But, there's kind of extra pressure...because I'm all determined to go "natural". And, it's more just fear that I won't be able to handle it. And that if I can't, I'm letting Mr. Random, Random Jr. and myself down. Sigh.

I worry about how we'll handle parenting. If it will weaken or strengthen our relationship. Probably both...

And I worry how I'll like being a mom. I mean...this is a forever change here! It's in no way temporary. And I start to feel like I'm too young! I've told Mr. Random...but I'm just a kid! And I do feel that way sometimes. At the same time, I realize that 27 puts me over the national average for first time mom...and, really, age is less important than maturity...and I'm probably more mature than many 27 year olds. Probably. Maybe I'm just too generous in my self-evaluation.

Hodge Podge

I'm sitting at the Honda dealer. My car is getting its oil changed and tires rotated. Yup, we take our cars to the dealer for these things - you know why? They always have coupons going that make them about the same price, but we actually trust them 1000 times more than the "other" places. We've never had a problem here. We have at those "other" places.

Truly, the only problem I have with the dealer is their tv selection that's left on in the waiting room. There's some doctor show that I've caught the last few times I've been in. And I can't. stand. this. show. These so-called "doctors" seem to be rather uneducated, but are passing on their opinions as medical fact! And it's on TV, so I know there are tons of people out there taking their advice instead of actually going to a doctor. Ugh. It's just...well it should be criminal. The last time I was in there was a question about fertility.

Now I'm far from an expert, but I am a good little learner, and feel that after my many hours spent on infertility blogs and googling, I have some idea about the topic. And the advice this show gave simply shocked me. Basically, the person writing in was a woman, 34 years old, and wondering if she should freeze her eggs because she wasn't ready for kids yet, but wanted kids in the future. The advice given: nah....don't worry about it! With medical technology today, you'll be JUST FINE.

Excuse me? IRRESPONSIBLE!

Ugh.

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to post about. I've had lots of different post ideas over the past week or so...just have been keeping to busy to actually sit down and write them out.

For now, I'll end with a funny. To help balance the first part. I recently was on campus to square away maternity leave stuff - which basically meant adding a profile for another student to my computer, and backing up my computer as it won't be "mine" for the fall semester at least and possibly not again after that. (sniff! I Lurve this computer! sigh) I also went over to financial aid to ask a few questions. It was when I was walking back from that building that I encountered a few tour groups of the new freshman and their parents.

And boy - did they stare. You'd think I was walking around a Catholic high school or something! It was like they'd never seen a pregnant woman before! I'm pretty sure some of the moms were looking on in horror.

When I told Mr. Random about it he said I should have shouted "Freshman year was awesome!!!" Then, when I was sure I had everyone's attention, I should have rubbed the baby bump and declared that I "even got my own souvenir". haha!

Crocodile Solution

This post is a bit behind the times, but oh well. Recently, in Tempe, a dam burst and the "town lake" was consequently turned into a town puddle over night. Apparently, the lake had fish in it. Who knew?

And while the fish were doomed to die as the puddle would continue to drain, somebody got the bright idea to feed them to local animals at the zoo. This way, they wouldn't die in vain I suppose. The local animals included some snapping turtles, and...a crocodile.

The trouble was, they were having a hard time getting the fish out of the puddle! They said the "lake" was too shallow for boats, but too deep for their nets...or something like that.

The solution seemed obvious...just let the croc out into the puddle and let him do his thing. Heck, they could probably even charge admission when they do it! I don't think that's what they did though...